Was anyone else seriously confused when you found out?

[Lionheart]

Hi I am a simplely androgynous and I though the labels around that were used seriously. I guess where i am getting at is my mind is in shambles and I guess i should get some help putting it back together. Was anyone else confused to as such when things got shaky? cause you see The funny thing about this was i thought i was TS when i was AG but it turns out i am simply androgynous in fact i thought that what i wanted was to transition but it turns out that could have been the worst thing that could happen. I know i was suposed to get help when i was confused but when it came to it i guess i should have tried to get it. Now i am going in circles and going crazy cause i thought that was the best course for me to take. Was anyone else here confused when they found out.

[Nicky]

I'm not sure I ever found out anything for sure.

I thought I could be gay, then a cross dresser, then I identified as an androgyne, then genderqueer, potentially transexual,woman, then non-binary over the course of about 13 years or so.

Today I kind of consider myself transgender, non-binary gendered, gender queer towards the female end of things. I definitly like presenting as a female. I have transitioned to some extent but not as a mtf. Transition is not just one path.

But yes the whole non-binary thing was hard to get my head around. I just never considered that could be a possibility when I was younger. It was a bit like grasping a slipery snake. The best think I ever did was decide to try things out and see if things fitted. I put it on, wore it around for awhile e.g. tried being 'gay', tried being a woman. Helps you to form some action out of your confusion. Sometimes you backtrack only to go forward again. Just be prepared to re-evaluate things as your ideas change.

[Kinkly]

I had been confused as to why I was so different for a very long time and I could never find a label that would fit.  when I finaly had the freedom to realy explore who I am it took 6 months to willingly question gender then 6 hard months of extreme confusion before contacting local gender type groups both cross dress and TS then after 4 or 5 months I accepted that this is what I am - a femy fluid intergended androgyne and a M2IS transgender person but there isn't a single word in that description that when used on its own is without error because of possible misconceptions and understanding.
finding the right words can be confusing. but I'm not confused anymore.  Just because I know I don't fit any of the socialy acceptable Labels doesn't make me wrong or confused

[Eva Marie]

I always knew I was different, and in my mid 40's is when I was able to put a label on what that difference was.  I had been going through a process of self examination and at times thought that maybe I was "this" or "that", only later to discover that I am an androgyne, albeit with a strong leaning to the feminine side (which comes and goes on it's own timetable ).

Was i confused during this process  Definitely. However, this site has been a great resource to me, and the confusion has mostly cleared away now.

[Kendall]

I think for me, accepting being confused was progress. The role I learned to play was much more predictable, more clear, more simple and so on. Really letting my soul speak has thrown many things I thought were clear into confusion. I think life is messy, only theories are neat. On the other hand, while I feel young (which itself is confusing at 59), naive, confused, vulnerable, unclear, and so on; I also feel much more alive not believing the male shell I sometimes wear is me. I do not know who/what I am - I am learning - But I am ALIVE. confused but alive. (yeah I shouted).

[Fenrir]

Yeah, I wasn't sure what to make of it when puberty hit! First I thought it was anguish at the loss of my childhood, then I went through several years of wondering if I was a lesbian or a transman, though I couldn't be either as I was never attracted to girls and the dysphoria came and went, and I was sometimes quite happy in my female body. I felt like I would be a fraud if I tried to be totally male as some of the changes I didn't want but they were seen as necessary parts of transition. I went pretty male age 16-17 because I felt like I needed to challenge these feelings head on and I couldn't cope with being totally female any more. Luckily, at age 17 I discovered the term 'androgyne' and it was like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, because it finally fit me and showed me other ways of going about things. 
Of course, having no boundaries is both freeing and terrifying. It is like being freed from bondage into a chasm. The fear that you are falling makes you long for the security of your ropes again, restricting as they were, but you never know, in time you might learn to fly!  (Sorry to wax lyrical, it just struck me as an apt metaphor. I apologise for possibly sounding pretentious! Gah, the perils of too much olde-worlde literature...)
Give yourself time and explore your possibilities. Be brave and you'll figure it out! 

[Kareil]

I was confused.  I'm still confused.  I expected to grow up bisexual, then ended up not attracted to females sexually (well, I'm not really particularly *sexually* attracted to anyone, but much more willing to have sex with men than with women when necessary to get the romance needs met - add a decent sized scoop of asexuality in there for good measure and even more confusion), but the whole "plain vanilla straight woman" thing just didn't fit at all.  Nobody believes I am anyways, no matter how much I tell them I am, and it's not because I go out of my way to look butchy! 

I also wondered for a while if I was FtM, though being attracted to men, transitioning would probably create more problems than it solved.  So for me, I feel kind of adrift in the middle of everything.  I didn't even know that being outside the binary, staying there and being happy there, was actually an option until the last couple years, rather than just one gender, whether it matched what the doctor thought you were born as or not.  Don't know if anything would have been different had I learned anything earlier, though...being "different" in high school was not a good thing back then, so actually knowing what was going on may have made things even worse socially, for me, especially in a small town!

[k_tech]

as i definitely don't feel at home in a wholly female existence, yet the idea of living a wholly male existence is also unappealing, that must put me somewhere on the spectrum of andro. which is fine. but i'm also trying to determine what makes andro different from being a 'butchy dyke' as i'm typically perceived.

fenrir - i liked your 'olde world lit.' description. quite how i would have put it if i were the poetic type.

as i'm only one or two years into the discovery that i have options in terms of how i want to present my gender, yes, i'm still quite confused. realizing i was gay was no big deal compared to this latest adventure.