Mom and I looked at pictures here and on virtualffs as Dr Ousterhout's site today,
Mom is unsure about "how FFS can help" and she is really problematic!!! she is like.. she sees a picture of someone before ffs and after ffs and she is like.. "I can't see the difference" or like she saw in
VirtualFFS.co.uk and she says "It's the eyebrows" - I asked her what about the chin the forehead, and she is like.. "it's the eyebrows" or "the changes are small" sometimes it is as if she doesn't notice them at all or something.
She also clearly says she doesn't know what ffs can do even after she sees the differences one next to the other, and she really says "it looks obviously female here, even great looking one" but she is like "the changes are small, I am not sure" as if she doesn't seem to see much of a difference but somehow when she looks at post it's suddenly "great" and that's it, so she tries to say it might be something else.. she can drive me crazy, about many things, not just that!
But anyhow, after a while, and seeing some more pictures, and me pointing out clearly "see her forehead? put your finger between the nose and forehead, see it's flat? see mine?" bla bla bla.. she started to seem to get it a bit more..
And she seemed to be more understanding it can do something.. but then she keeps saying "but you have great pictures" and I ask her "what about real life?" "well it depends on the angle" and when she finally realizes people are not supposed to look female only in certain pictures and that I am supposed to look female when someone sees me in person too, then she started looking at my pictures and giving her opinions.. (I felt it was a big big BIG step forward!)
She said in her opinion, chin and nose.. I tried to convince her about the forehead but she says it's not noticeable in the pictures or something.. so again "Mom.. real life, not pictures" she looks and is like.. don't know, don't see, not that bad.. I told her just put a finger here, see how it goes down and up, put a finger at yours, see how it's flat?
Put again a finger, right on top of the eyes, feel those bones, put in yours, feel how different it is?
She seemed to have finally realized something!
Mom seems to hardly be able to understand what is it that makes people look female or male, but more like they just do.
She can't say why in one picture I look like a girl and in another picture I look like a boy, she says maybe smile more, maybe angle.. well obviously, I really hope she started to realized real life is more important than pictures.
Oh she also said "make up, that picture she has make up she looks more feminine.." "but mom, you saw me with make up earlier and said I looked like a boy, and obviously normal girls don't *always* have make up on just so people won't think they are boys" O_o..
*taking nerves out on this thread
*
So anyways! she finally looked and said, chin, nose.. we agreed on forehead.. and we both think I don't need jaw (unless it can be raised up just to shorten the distance from lip and nose.. I don't think I need anything else done there, but I am not an expert)
So she said "we'll go to the surgeon and see.." progress! but at the same time, we don't really have much money (although the israeli surgeon actually has manageable prices!) and mom is almost always like "we will go to the *Whatever* and see" and then says like "we went we saw, we did it all for you" and that's it pretty much, no yes or no, no comments just leave me alone.. so I am not sure if I sould be optimist right now @@..
She did the same when I looked for HRT therapist, she came with me, she said "depressions" "anxieties" "problems getting along with people for whatever reason" "being unusual" but when both me and the doctor (yes! a doctor actually said that!!!!) try to say "did you ever think these might be symptoms of the problem your child described?" she somehow avoids it and is like "but I want my child to not be depressed, to go to work, to be happy" so when told "maybe this therapy will make your child happy" she says "but my child also needs to work and.." dr "sorting the problem might help your child feel comfortable to get a job" and she still somehow avoids it.. *goes crazy*
And pretty much anything else I say..
Eventually, I went to a therapist, he wrote an official diagnoses, he said I need this and that medicine, he said this will improve the mood too and a lot of other things.. and then.. just THEN! mom was like "ohh that's what we should do! what the dr said!".
So anyways, to stop myself from going on and on and on about this round and round and round in circles (sorry! I tend to do that!)
Conclusion..! I am pretty sure we do have the financial resources (or at least most of them if not at least over half probably) to do the nose, forehead, hairline and chin.. I am still not sure about jaw but I as I said, I am pretty sure there isn't need to ^^
I am just afraid that mom would say "we came to the surgeon, we heard his opinions and offers" and close it like that @@....
The estimate for it in israel is about 24,000 for forehead, hairline (eyebrow lift too.. but that's probably going to be out of this one) and chin.. nose is usually additional 5,000-15,000.
The strangest thing is, I have 24,000 that I put in a saving account mom made for me (when I was young I had the habbit of putting some birthdays money and some special occasions money into it), but it is locked and mom has control of it.. and pretty much wants it to be spent on what *she* thinks important for me or whatever @@.. *goes insane*
So I can only hope something went through there and she understands more, not to mention, will help with it.
Thanks you, whoever made it to the end, and whoever gave up in the middle.. and sorry if I made you have the same weird round spinning thingies floating in your brain now as they do in mine.. *hopes for the best* ^^
