My patience level is dropping.....

[findingreason]

So, normally I am one to be pretty willing to wait and stay still for prolonged time....but I'm approaching the edge of that patience.

Transition is sounding more and more inevitable as life passes by. I went shopping for girl's clothing this weekend, but I didn't buy anything. Why? Because I couldn't find something that I felt would look good on me without looking silly. I can't deny the need to crossdress forever since I started dressing a year and a half ago. But each time I do, I get hurt because I don't like right in the mirror in my eyes. So it causes me to retreat, only to repeat the cycle. And I'm not getting any less masculine anytime soon either without needed treatment.

So, I'm a good 2 hours away from the nearest GID therapist, with no freaking way to get there. I'm going to counseling at school, and seeing a doctor that has me on anti-depressant treatment. I will admit, my depression symptoms are reducing, which is good. However, my GID symptoms are NOT. If anything it's getting worse. And I want to finally be past this, but at my current rate attaining proper treatment could be a year or more in the making before I could start. This is NOT making me happy, and am losing my patience for the f***ing hoops I'm jumping through just to live as myself and BE HAPPY for goodness sake!!!!

[Hannah]

Hi sweety 

Yeah, the good/silly line is pretty fine isn't it? Don't be so hard on yourself, it's new territory after all.
They say the cure for gid is transition, and college is a great place to do it. I can't imagine trying it on the job. That's your own thing though, nobody can really coach you on it but your'e a smart cookie and I think you know that.

As far as the clothes go I'd ask a gg friend for help if there's someone you trust enough. They generally know things like the benefits of square or round necked tops vs V-necks and so on that we just never learned. Plus their validation that you don't look stupid goes a long way. 

[jesse]

how far have you gone as far as girls clothing goes im in my 40's and starting to trans thats what we get for delaying lol looking silly in a dress would be the least of my worries if i tried it so i do what i can i where female under garments such as pantys under boxers stupid i know but the total collapse of my life would come with being outed before im ready. i am working with what i can 1 peice at a time as i reposition my life to really dive into this transition. i have started electrolisis do to the expense and time required to rid myself of facial hair and bonus no one will care if i have the infamous 5 oclock or not. 14000 grand to complete this over 4 years with 1/2 hr apointments once a week lol need to step this up to 3-5 hr appointments. next is full ffs and voice surgery very expensive but by this time i will be ready hrt should be in full swing by then. my point is just start working on what you can do you have a job then next step would be to get a car so you can get to the gid doc this will position you to get hrt. meanwhile you can dress in less visable ways to help with feeling more like yourself take small victories so you can win the battle by attrition of problems
jessie

[Danya]

It IS really difficult to be patient at your point in time. I remember how incredibly impatient I was just a year ago. I had ordered spiro online because I thought my therapist was taking too long to find me an endocrinologist when the time span was only 10 or 12 days. But it felt like an eternity. Fortunately the day I was going to announce to my therapist that I had the spiro she told me she had found an endo. I mention this because it is an example of acting rashly and precipitously out of impatience.

One thing to keep in mind is that things that seem impossible really are not over the long run. Also, get help from the internet or from GGs regarding style as it pertains to what would look good on your particular body type. Not everything will look good, that is the same situation GGs have to deal with. Jesse is right, with each battle won you will feel another degree of better.