Perception

[lolli]

Hello everyone.

After reading as article on the forum about how we perceive ourselves to look when in the company of others had me thinking whilst out one day, how I felt that I came across to others.
Most of us have accents and our personality and mannerism's portray to others the type of person that we are.
We are all unique in ourselves and there is no other like us...thank goodness I hear you say.
Take me for instance: I am quietly spoken with an underlying edge of which I dont like others to see.
I have a quietly spoken accent and no signs of a local accent.
That I believe is down to our parents and the type of schooling we recieve.
In my minds eye I have no idea how I would look as a woman or when dressed fem how others see me other than a tv.
I have a overaly large chest thus to others I have breasts, so to others maybe they suspect me as a ->-bleeped-<- or tv.
If I go swimming I wear a type of firm control crop top because I am embarrased about my body and how others perceive me.
I wear a similar top when riding with less control, but to be honest when I look down at myself I have breasts no mistaking.
I am trying to imagine how I would look as a woman to the general public.
Your reply would be to have a professional make over so that I can look at myself in a mirror.
But will I look how I imagine myself to look when I have transgendered or will the hormones alter my body shape.

Do you look now how you perceived yourself to look in your minds eye?

[Melissa]

Oh no, I look much better than I ever thought I would turn out.  I'm not saying I'm beautiful, but I thought I would be the ugliest woman.  I had this awful image in my head that I would never pass.   I mean when I show people what I used to look like, it is usually accompanied by some expletives because they are so shocked at how much I have changed.

Melissa

[Louise]

It is very hard to judge how we look to others.  One of the advantages of photography is that you can look at a picture of yourself--particularly if it is not a very recent picture--somewhat more objectively than you can look at yourself in the mirror.  I would like to think that I look and behave somewhat feminine when I am dressed en femme.  I know that I fall considerably short of this dream.  Since I am no longer young, I have no illusions about looking "pretty".

While it is easy to say that how one looks is not important, that it is how one feels inside that is important, it is undeniable that how we look--or at least how we think we look--affects how we feel.  This is not just a gender thing.  I enjoy wearing skirts and dresses and makeup to feel more feminine, but when I dress for work in my normal male attire, I also feel more confident about myself if I think I am making a good appearance and not dressing like a slob.

[Laurry]

Lots of thoughtful questions there Lolli.

I agree with Louise that we can't always believe what we think we see in the mirror.  Nothing beats a good picture to show how we really look...then again, physical looks are only a small part of how we are perceived by others.  How we move and speak, our body language and confidence level play a very large part in how other people "see" us.  I know some very beautiful women, sexy as all get out, that look "less than flattering" in photographs.  Still, looking at a photo provides a more objective viewpoint than looking in the mirror.

You mentioned that your have an overly large chest.  From your point of view, is that a good thing or a bad thing?  Does that have anything to do with why you want to dress like, or become, a woman?  At the risk of being blunt, you sound a little confused as to what you want, or maybe you know, but are just afraid of how others will look at you.  While everyone wants to look their best and not be stared at (or worse) when walking down the street, the need to be who we are outweighs many of these concerns.  Additionally, not all GGs (genetic girls) fall into the "pretty" category, yet nobody questions whether they are women or not.

As far as how I look...I'm much cuter in the mirror   

....Laurie

[Buffy]

Hi Loli....

You raise many good points in your post.

There are two replies to the questions you pose.

Our Own perceptions...

We are are own worst critics. I personally have struggled constantly with my image and to how I appear to myself. My issues are in deep rooted Dysphoria although I have totally rationalized the Gender, Identity and emotional part of my life. I have a very poor body image of myself.

I hate looking in mirrors and having my photo taken as there are parts of my appearance that frighten me and scream transsexual to me everytime I see them, BUT I cannot change these and will have to learn to live with them and find comfort in what I have.

It is only recently that I have actually brought some dresses, as I felt I looked like the sterotypical guy in a dress, so have avoided these.

I guess transitioning 6 years ago, my body has changed quite significantly and it is NOT until OTHER people point these out, that I can actually see the changes.

My own perception is very negative.

Others perception...

Perception is everything. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks likes a duck.... then it's a duck.. right?... welll apart from I am an ugly duckling that is.

I have very close friends, some who know and other who don't know my past. To them I am nothing but a woman, they compliment me on my hair, make up and clothes. They have got me into bikini's, the previously mentioned dresses and short skirts and vest tops.

As one of the friends who knows me said... Woman are very varied, there is no sterotypical woman, they come in all shapes and sizes. I have a friend who is 6 ft 1ins and a woman in my netball team is bigger shoulder and chest wise than I am.

I have lost 4 inches off my chest, 6 inches off my waist and now have pronounced hips, all due to hormones.  Until this was pointed out, I never noticed. My friends love my height and wish they could buy trousers, jeans, pants that they did not have to take up the legs.

Others perception of me differs greatly from my own. We are at different ends of the Duck Spectrum.  I walk like  duck, talk like a duck, but look like a turkey.....However, for me to survive and prosper it is others perception that is important, not mine.

All of my friends also have a negative opinion of there body image, it is something that most women have to live with, but they all look great to me.... Ducks, everyone of them.

Becky

[Ricki]

Yes and i use the example of Jennifer anniston, cute - cute plainish looking but she can upstage that with makeup she's i think 5'8 not sure but athletic build, etc..
I suppose me in my mind is i am 5'6" athetlic built, medium sized boobies, although I'd like a larger chest so as a physical girl that would be a surgery otpion for me, brownish light hair long in length but managable!