Pursue your passion in life, or transition?

[Bellaon7]

I'm gonna remain vauge on my personal details for the sake of avoiding the crazy factor,  but this is none the less where I am. I can go forward with my transition, but it means letting go of what I love until it's(my transition complete) done. I understand the idea of donig whatever it takes to transition & then pick up my love from there. I am an alcholic, that is easy to confess. But that's not the issue here. I have something I love that has been w/me always. Through addiction, attemtps @ transitioning & everything inbetween. What I love is not destcructive, but neccessitates giving it up to move on, but it's my lifesource. In order to live I have to let go of my love. I am cold, & cannot comprehend the coldness to come just to transition. If I give up on my love, my will to survive goes, rendering transitionig useless. I know there's no easy or right answer, so I'm trying to pick the least wrong answer.   

[Xtr3m3r]

You shouldn't be submitted into something you do not wish, but sacrifices are a part of our lives, wheter you like them or not, wether your transitioning or not. It is not true that post ops didn't have to do sacrifices in order achieve the point they are now, some more than others, but luckily everything ends well and have now most means in order to have a life as they always felt they were and have the partner of their lifes.
Even though, every aspect should be analyzed and though of before comitting into something that will change your life forever.

[Bellaon7]

I haven't made a mess in others' lives in the sense of failed marriges & making babies. I am the proud father of a 21yr old who in spite of my own shortcomings, is a very wonderful & self sufficiant young man. It's acually a very liberating idea to let go of my dreams, @ least for now to transition, because of my failure to make it happen. It's just hard to walk away from what's propelled me foward through good & bad. I guess it's just a matter of trasitioning being a force powerful enough to let go of all else & picking up the peices from there.

[Xtr3m3r]

Well you never really have to let them go except if they don't accept you for what you are and push you away.. Probably talking with them would evolve in something good and maybe your son would even accompany you during the process
But this doesn't means the complete opposite can't be faced :S

[FairyGirl]

Transition, well HRT anyway, has a way of changing your brain chemistry and does it in ways you might not expect, so this thing that is important to you now might not be so important later on down the road. I transitioned because it was something I absolutely needed to do for a very long time. Of course only you can answer if that need for you is strong enough for you to be willing to do whatever it takes to get it accomplished, but I have to say for me it was. I gave up a lot of things for the sake of it, but I still feel that I've gained back immeasurably more. It seems it's always a trade off. Best of luck with whatever you choose.

[Bellaon7]

Ty, I've been on hrt for 7yrs, pursued my true love for over 20. Transitioning is a process of changing my body to fit my mind, pursuing my passion is a process of feeding my soul. They're not fundamentaly incompatible, but are, coupled w/personal circumstances, logistically incompatible.

[K8]

When I was restrained by the shackles of being *him*, I could be passionate about very few things.  When I found I had to transition, I decided that I would put my one passion at that time on hold.  I knew full well that I may or may not want to take it up again after transition, and I'm all right with that.

It all depends on what you need to do, and unfortunately only you can decide that.  Your therapist can't tell you, although s/he may be able to help you discover it for yourself.

If I give up on my love, my will to survive goes, rendering transitionig useless. 

If this is really true (and only you can decide that), then this sounds like your answer.  But with luck we will have enough time on this earth that we don't have to try to do everything at once.  Can you take up your passion again after transitioning?  Can you cut back on it while transitioning?  Are you afraid to put your passion on hold to transition because you might not want to take it up again and where would that leave you?  These are all questions a therapist can help you work out.

Trying to work these things out just in your head doesn't work very well.  (Ask me how I know this. )  Good luck, Bella.

- Kate

[Bellaon7]

When I was restrained by the shackles of being *him*, I could be passionate about very few things.  When I found I had to transition, I decided that I would put my one passion at that time on hold.  I knew full well that I may or may not want to take it up again after transition, and I'm all right with that.

It all depends on what you need to do, and unfortunately only you can decide that.  Your therapist can't tell you, although s/he may be able to help you discover it for yourself.

If this is really true (and only you can decide that), then this sounds like your answer.  But with luck we will have enough time on this earth that we don't have to try to do everything at once.  Can you take up your passion again after transitioning?  Can you cut back on it while transitioning?  Are you afraid to put your passion on hold to transition because you might not want to take it up again and where would that leave you?  These are all questions a therapist can help you work out.

Trying to work these things out just in your head doesn't work very well.  (Ask me how I know this. )  Good luck, Bella.

- Kate

Ty K8! There in lies the rub. Sacrifices & compromise are par for the course @ this stage in my transition. Questions, choices, & decisions are usually made in terms void of emotion & out of neccessity, but I've reached a point where the two choices are @ odds w/one another in terms of the very soul, essence, & fiber of my being. I believe I've found my own answer, yet believe in the significance of the original promblem, because it's not exclusive to me, especially here.

[dyssonance]

No advice here.

Only a comment regarding my own experience.

My transition cost me literally everything I had.

At one point, my whole life was a computer (no monitor,though), 2 cubic feet of clothing (inclusive of shoes), and a couple odds and ends.

Everything that I loved, cared for, derived my sense of self from, was gone.  All my dreams and goals and everything that was of *any* value to me whatsoever was lost.

And all that was within the first four months.

At one point in them, I tried to kill myself.  Again.

It is three years since I started now.

Today, I do not have what was lost anymore.  I've gained back a couple things I had before, but not much, and their value to me is no longer the same, and they were not things I valued highly.

But what I have now is ten times more than what I had when I started.  No exaggeration.

What I have now is infinitely better as well, than what I had before.  I would not exchange what I have now for what I had then and lost.

But there was one thing I used to do, ages ago, that I had given up before I transitioned -- something that was tied to my sense of self and my i innermost conception of myself.

And its only now, three years after, that I begin to see that hey, I've gained that back as well.

I can only wonder how much more I will be gifted in the future.

I can't give you advice here, but I can tell you that if I had known then what I know now, I would have done it twice as fast and with three times as much certainty.

Especially because in doing this, I learned that there's something I love more than even I was aware of before, and now, because of my transition, I can do it, where I couldn't have done it before.

I'm sorry I can't be of any greater help.