Having natural children

[Hector]

Hi guys.
If someone remember my old topics, I have a relationship with a guy, we are both in love.
I'm pre transition, and I was wondering when start it. I also know that my bff will leave me when I'll be too masculine, because he likes girls, but I think we could be great friend as before.

Now I was thinking about having children with him. And I was thinking about the way. Wait with transition and have pregnancy when it's the right moment? Save eggs and rent an uterus in the future?

So... I know that at least one or two of the guys in this forum have natural children. What's you experience about it?

Also I was wondering about pregnancy because I know that it could make my disphoria worst. I was thinking if I could survive to this. 

[Nero]

Hi Hector,

I would be concerned about having a child with someone who plans to leave when you transition.

[sneakersjay]

I had kids before I realized that my weirdness (ie feeling male) was that I was trans, and while I internally felt I was a hetero male, my body was clearly not so making lemonade out of lemons lived as a straight woman and had kids.

While it didn't trigger dysphoria, I never felt maternal, and having kids didn't make me any more 'female' in my head.

If you're not ready for kids, eggs can be harvested but only after intensive hormone (of the female variety, obviously) and saved - not a benign procedure like jacking into a cup.  But doable.  I wouldn't get pregnant now with a guy you know won't stick around after transition, as raising kids is hard even with a partner.

I've often thought if by chance I ever have a relationship with a woman of childbearing age who desperately wants kids, I might ask my brother to donate so the kid is at least biologically related to me on some level (he has no kids; don't know if he would consider it or not, but worth asking).  That said the likelihood of me ever being in that position is nil, so....

Personally I couldn't transition then go back and have a child (like Thomas Beattie).  Right now I'm male, and even if I had a uterus I'd not use it again (had a hysto thank G*D).  If I ever have another kid I will be the dad 100%.

Jay

[Hector]

Well, my partner loves me, he also want to have children, and we both agree that we will try to be as a really good friend when I'll be male.
We was wondering if love can exists even beyond sexual orientation.

Also sneakersjay, my problem is that if I transition in my country (Italy) I can have male documents only after I have hysterectomy ( ), so no chance to have children after transition.
To make my disphoria more bareable I was also thinking about to taking hormones for some (3 or 4) months and then stop, so I could look like more like a man (and I could pass more easily) and then wait.

Anyway I'm sure that my partner would help me raising the kid even if split.


(If I made some english mistake please forgive me... It's not my mother language)

[emoglassesenvy]

this is kind of personal... but i think about it a lot and don't really have anyone to talk to about it so i'm going to blab it here. thank you for indulging me...

in japan as well you need to have a hysto before legally changing the F to M on your official documents...

i met my boyfriend after he had the operation, but i didn't know that he had one and i didn't know what exactly a hysterectomy was, anyway... so when one day after we had been dating he was talking about his top surgery and other surgery.. i was like, "what other surgery?" ..then he explained it to me and i was really quite upset. we had only been dating for a short time, but of course one can and does daydream about 'what if's... i imagined that if we ever got married, i would had least have wanted to have one kid where we used his eggs and then i would carry it so it really would be our baby...

so when i found out that no, actually, it is impossible to have his kids, i was really shocked and upset and i've cried about it a couple of times, my eyes are even getting watery now thinking about it. at the time of the surgery, he never thought he would want kids, and he even thought he might be asexual or something, so there wasn't a question of saving any of his eggs... i don't know if he would have done anything different, but i know that he is troubled that he can't provide for me like he feels he should.

so all of you pre-hystorecomy ftms out there.. if you have the means, saving some eggs for a later date could be an option and may be the most priceless gift you could ever give your future spouse

[Myself]

I agree with emoglassesenvy, save eggs if you can so you can have kids in the future.

And I don't think you should have  a child with a man who is going to leave you! all the responsibility will fall on you, who knows what he will feel when you grow facial hair and look and talk like a guy if he already says he doesn't think he will like that.

I would love to be able to be pregnant but I think the consequences of when you do it and how and what will happen are very important part in the decision.

[Hector]

Well, the other problem about saving eggs is that I can't do this in Italy. <.<
Because we are a very bad country, and because catholic church influence a lot our government, some years ago they made a law that makes freezing eggs or sperm almost impossible.
I think I should look in some other european country for a fertility clinic to freeze my eggs. It would cost a lot of money.
Very very bad, maybe I should just wait about my transition. Now I study and don't have much money.

[Myself]

Very very bad, maybe I should just wait about my transition. Now I study and don't have much money.

:O :O What are you thinking!!!
You can't have a child if you have money problems :X

[Hector]

Sure, I was thinking about the future about having children.
My problem is that now I could start transition (money is not a problem, NSS pays all), or also I could wait (even if it's a pain) to start, planning it after I have found a nice job in IT (which is what I study).
I'm sorry I didn't explain well my situation before. 

[Nero]

this is kind of personal... but i think about it a lot and don't really have anyone to talk to about it so i'm going to blab it here. thank you for indulging me...

in japan as well you need to have a hysto before legally changing the F to M on your official documents...

i met my boyfriend after he had the operation, but i didn't know that he had one and i didn't know what exactly a hysterectomy was, anyway... so when one day after we had been dating he was talking about his top surgery and other surgery.. i was like, "what other surgery?" ..then he explained it to me and i was really quite upset. we had only been dating for a short time, but of course one can and does daydream about 'what if's... i imagined that if we ever got married, i would had least have wanted to have one kid where we used his eggs and then i would carry it so it really would be our baby...

so when i found out that no, actually, it is impossible to have his kids, i was really shocked and upset and i've cried about it a couple of times, my eyes are even getting watery now thinking about it. at the time of the surgery, he never thought he would want kids, and he even thought he might be asexual or something, so there wasn't a question of saving any of his eggs... i don't know if he would have done anything different, but i know that he is troubled that he can't provide for me like he feels he should.

so all of you pre-hystorecomy ftms out there.. if you have the means, saving some eggs for a later date could be an option and may be the most priceless gift you could ever give your future spouse

One thing about this though, is that eggs don't keep as well or as long as sperm. Also, we would have to go through a lot to get the eggs - serious female hormone treatments and then they have to go in and 'get' them.  So it really isn't simple like it is for bio men to give sperm in a cup and freeze it. I suppose it would be different if we just happened to meet our future wife right then while we still have working eggs but to go through all of that and then hope the eggs keep long enough to meet the right woman who wants them - it's just a lot to go through on a prayer.
I'd give anything to have my own kids (well, almost anything), but it's really a lot to ask physically.

*sigh* This is where I really envy biologic males. Everything to do with the female body is so complicated and inconvenient.

okay, sorry for the detour, hector.

[Myself]

Personally, and I might be weird, I found the idea of freezing sperm disgusting.
I am going to wait for stem cells made vagina

I rather have a complex female body than a yucky male body and systems..

[Miniar]

I had a baby girl, she's eight now. I love her to bits, but I have a hard time being her "mother" in a standard sort of way and breast-feeding caused me to disassociate from myself to a point where I felt like I wasn't real.

The pregnancy was painful. I was constantly feeling too hot or too cold. Morning sickness was horrible. The last few weeks I was "sure" I was gonna pop, literally.

I can't tell you what's right for you to do, but no matter what being pregnant will be like, it'll always be "more", especially the difficult/negative part.
If you still think it's worth it. Even the permanent changes to your body (for example; anthropologists can tell by a pelvic bone only whether skeletal remains of a woman belong to a woman who's had 2 or more children, or none at all). Then, go ahead.
But if any part of you starts screaming no, the right thing to do is not to subject a child to that.

And if you end up in a situation where the "no" comes in too late, remind yourself that it's not the child's fault until you're able to let it come into the world without blame for your choice to have it in the first place.