So!
I got a visit this morning from two of my brothers-in-law (well, technically, one is my brother in law and one is my wife's brother in law) and an old friend I haven't seen in years who is/was a deacon at the little country church were we attended when we got married.
Basically, they first two had heard enough to be worried and the third had heard enough to be curious. The were, basically, checking to see if I'd gone crazy I guess.
We talked about nothing for a good long while (with my pink fingernails hidden in a jacket pocket) and, even though I knew what HAD to be the reason for their visit *I* wasn't going to bring it up. After while I began to think they were going to chicken out. finally the deacon asked about my hair and I said something like "while I don't mind talking about it, don't ask the question if you are not ready for the answer"
well, we got into it. And they didn't preach - we had a slight back and forth about the difference in knowing God's will and just assuming God was ok with what you wanted to do anyway but I think I made the better points - they didn't judge, or lecture, or get mad. they didn't tell me "think of the children!" or any of that noise. The Deacon said that he wasn't going to be my judge and he said "the reason we talked so long before I brought it up was because I wanted to see if you were the same person I remembered, and as far as I can tell you are"
I told the BiLs that my wife had been real scared for her family to find out and i told them I'd have no hard feelings over their opinion of me but to please be good to her and they both assured me (and her family is known for drama so you can never be entirely sure on what people SAY) that they wouldn't give her grief and they would support her if she needed some place to go or some such - and further that I was still welcome.
I told them plainly - if you invite me to dinner, or to church, or whatever - you need to know I'm not going to "man up" for it. This is who I am and who I'm going to be so if I can't come with my bra on..."
No bad reactions, no disinvitations.
It was great on a number of levels.
So anyway, no that the last significant bridge is crossed, there's nothing else to hide. Everyone that wants to know or needs to knows can figure it out or has been told - so I'm free.
After they left went went out to run some errands and I was fully Laura for the first time in this town. Bra on and filled, full makeup and etc.
I got closer today to being a totally relaxed and "normal" woman than I've ever been. I'm not sure what remains between this and "full time" except things like name changes and the obvious physical chores yet to be done but it feels like full time to me.
I was just going to start a thread Thursday night asking when you ever got to the point where when you went out you were not totally preoccupied with what folks thought of you and how good or bad your presentation was - when you could really just relax and be one of the girls.
I'm still not quite there but I think in the last couple days I've taken a big step in that direction (regarding that mental comfort zone).
One thing I know, I don't have to try to maintain any "mixed-message" illusion anymore and that's very freeing.
