I told my employer today

[Autumn]

I'm... trying to figure out how to progress. There's too many insubstantials. Too many unknowns. How will my face look in a month, in three months? When will electrolysis be over? Will my voice keep improving? What will I do about school? About work?

I knew we had a solid anti-discrimination policy where I work, but I didn't realize that we were one of the largest supporters of diversity. The one good thing that drag queen incident did was get me to look into that. Which made me feel the need to explore it through human resources. It's... getting difficult, working as I do, between genders. Outing myself multiple times a day when I pass just fine is getting really tough, too.

So I found time to meet with our HR manager and kinda just barfed everything out there. She said it's something that we'll be learning together since she's never handled it but doesn't see why we should have any problems, she's going to prepare a packet for me tomorrow. At the moment, we're doing strict confidentiality, she won't talk about it with the other management until I'm ready.

Although she's not personally familiar with the situation, she said that she'd heard someone suggesting that I was going to transition. And as I don't speak a word of it at work, somebody's just observant. Considering virtually all of management has seen situations where I pass with customers, I suppose it's not a surprise. And, well, I suppose the blouses and everything else.

I'll probably go ahead and talk to my direct manager tomorrow after I review the materials.

I don't plan to do it this month or anything, but... to have some *ideas* and to *know* something is so much better than to have no idea.

I closed out the day with a convenience store clerk flirting with me. Ah, boys.


(changed incidents to situations - I didn't cause any problems.

[jesse]

this si a big step congrats on your bravery autumnn i hope it goes as planned
jessica

[perfectisolation]

Congrats Autumn it sounds like your employer is very progressive. Best of luck

[Renate]

I was surprised by my company. They give a lot of talk about diversity and they apparently mean it.
We had a corporate calendar on the wall and they had October 11th, National Coming Out Day on it.
Moreover, they actually spelled out LGBT with the word transgender.

[Janet_Girl]

Mine said the same thing, but personal views got in the way, and here I am without a job.

Good luck with your employer, Autumn. I hope all goes well for you.


Janet

[Autumn]

I spoke to my direct manager today. She was very supportive and happy for me. I laughed hard when she pointed out to me that our HR manager is a very conservative, strict, christian. She handled it very well at least, haha. HR is waiting to hear back from corporate about how much information she can disclose to me because most of their materials are designed for management.

My boss manages something like 30 guys with no female employees. She said it was about time that she got another woman. Her view is that I'll be happier and it'll be much better for me (and in the end as long as I can do my job it doesn't matter.) I said I'd probably end up a lot lonelier since I imagine it'll creep out most of the guys, but she said harassment won't be allowed. I mentioned the two guys I had concern about and she said she knows they're dumbasses. I'm still concerned that because i work with so many bloody geriatric men that they just won't get it, but we'll see.

She told me to just tell her if I need anything, and we established that clear two-way communication is very important as things go forward.

I had to out myself to my laser spa finally today because estrogen + laser = very bad. I spent hours there chatting with the girls about it, too. The nurse asked me why I'd said I had a girlfriend, and my boss asked me if I had really been dating women... apparently being bi confuses people more than being trans. hell it confuses ME more than being trans...

Afterward I spent over two hours at a sex shop trying on costumes and stuff for halloween, chirping away with the staff and receiving endless compliments about my suit from the older lady who worked there. Happy day. Being able to actually try stuff on is SO AMAZING, I've wasted too much money buying stuff online that didn't fit and never returning it. Won't let that happen again!

Everyone kept asking me what the next step is.

I think the next step is going to victoria's secret, because I need two miracles.

[Amy85]

Bravo! I'm very happy for you 

[Alex_C]

If you're worried about being fired, use everything you can against 'em.

Lawsuits.

Gather all the info you can and then work for the competition.

Ditto, and start your own biz.

Talk about the situation on YouTube - Solzenitsyn was right, you become safer the more know your story.

And so on.

[Autumn]

The company I work for is nation wide and has received awards for almost a decade for its all-inclusive anti-discrimination policy. I'm not expecting to just wrap myself in a rainbow flag and be cared for completely, but - there are worse places to be.

[Dana Lane]

I am so happy for you! What a huge relief that is to get the ball actually rolling on this! Congtratulations!

[Janet_Girl]

The company I work for is nation wide and has received awards for almost a decade for its all-inclusive anti-discrimination policy. I'm not expecting to just wrap myself in a rainbow flag and be cared for completely, but - there are worse places to be.

My employer also raise the "We are a Diverse Company" banner.  And they said they were in my corner, but yet I am now unemployed and there was a campaign to get rid of me because the manager and HR did not like having a ->-bleeped-<- on the payroll.

I hope everything goes well for you, Autumn,  And I wish you a long life with your compant.


Janet

[jesse]

i would like to sugest the minute after you tell them you start keep accurate records of all conversations with supervisors etc. discrimination can be very much stealth
jessica

[Autumn]

I do not plan to be with the company for a long term period, I've already been here long term enough. In fact, a long career here would be a horrible thing to wish on anyone. However, that is an excellent suggestion. I'm definitely mentally gearing up about things to come in the next months.

[Ms Bev]

Autumn.....

I'm very proud of you.  You have taken an extremely bold step, and now you will be watching ahead for how the landscape may or may not change.  I too work for a national company with one of the strongest diversity policies in place.  Management was perfectly helpful along the way, until we had a new GM that didn't want a ->-bleeped-<- in his store.  Like Janet, I was let go, for something out of the blue that I didn't do.  Take care of yourself, and use whatever tools you may have or know of.  I was back in 2 weeks with back pay and apologies.
As I said, management fell in line with policy, but the coworkers are sometimes a different story.  They can do or say many things that can hurt, and claim "oops!" and never be reprimanded. 
Before coming out, I was pretty popular, and could hardly go to a place for lunch alone.  For over a year, I couldn't get a coworker to sit within 50 feet of me out in the food court.  They made my life a living hell for a year and a half, but now....I have more friends then I ever did before, and am well liked by a good many people.  During that time, I made a couple of close and helpful friends, but by and large, made mostly new ones.  The old ones are back now, mostly, and very friendly.  A few holdouts.  The GM smiles, says hello, chats briefly, and regards me somewhat as one would a rattlesnake.  Good.  You might have to grow some fangs, Aumtmn.

Was it worth it?  Hell yes!  2-1/2 yrs later I am stronger than ever.  I am happier than ever.  I can look myself in the mirror, and like who I see.  I not only like who I see, I like who I am.

Now, when you go into work, never never go back.  Be strong, and yes, if you think you need to, go to Victoria's secret, no question about it.  Start working on your voice right now, don't wait, and never ever go back to your old voice, unless you have a very good reason.  But never ever go back to it at work or in public.
Okay......I guess I said waay too much, so I'll say this:

I wish you the very best.  You can email me anytime at beverlysplace@gmail.com if you need anything.


Good wishes huggs!

Bev

[Suzy]

Autumn, I think you have the advantage that they obviously know what is going on even before you mention it to them.  The only advice I can give you would be to document, document, and then document.  I have heard of too many stories of others being promised acceptance then being fired.  Let me know how I can help.  You just seem to be making such great strides right now.

Kristi

[heatherrose]

Get everything in writing, trust no one!
"Anti-discrimination" laws have no teeth.
Good luck and stay strong.

[Autumn]

Every time I've gotten sick for the last half decade, I've thought "God, it would be unbearable to get a cold during transition and lose your female voice" - apparently, loud bars are great for facilitating that loss too. Grr, I don't like bars anyway... I've been working on my voice subconsciously for most of the year and consciously for several months. I'm considering contacting a voice teacher who I took several years ago and asking if she could provide some lessons.

It's frustrating because it got to where I couldn't even drop into my lower register without forcing it, and I had a physical and mental block about speaking in a lower tone. Two days later I'm still speaking lower than I have for the past several months. But I'm starting to get a feel for the throat, I think.

I really appreciate the excitement tempered with caution, ladies. It's easy to get swept up in the wave.

Kristi, one of these days, lunch and shoes!

[Suzy]

Kristi, one of these days, lunch and shoes!

Promises, promises!  I may have to whisk you away from you-know-where and hold you captive while we shop.

Kristi

[Ms Bev]

"Anti-discrimination" laws have no teeth.

...unless you get a lesbian lawyer  
or have a big enough organization behind you..
or investigate current open discrimination cases to stack another on...

Big companies can't afford bad press.



Post Merge: October 18, 2009, 08:24:40 AM

.......I've thought "God, it would be unbearable to get a cold during transition and lose your female voice" -

Yes.....I'm living with that lately.  I have pneumonia, and my voice is very Bea Arthurish in resonance.  But that's at home, and Marcy doesn't care at all.  If I step out in public, my short communications are okay, and if the voice drops, I just let the other female voice mannerisms take over.
It'll be okay...

Bev
Post Merge: October 18, 2009, 08:21:53 PM
I stand corrected......Marcy says with pneumonia I don't sound like Bea Arthur.......she says I'm more like lauren Bacall......ohhhhh.....If only I weren't sick......hmmmmmm........