Moms boyfriend, and he's moving in really soon! BUT DOESNT KNOW ABOUT ME~!!HELP!

[wannalivethetruth]

Ok. My mom has been mentioning a guy she really likes, they even talk about getting married! Which i dont mind, i never met him... but he comes over a lot, but i just run into the room! I told my mom he has to know about me being trans and all(which i haven't started anything except growing my hair out), because i don't want to HIDE myself again! THATS DEFF NOT WHAT I WANNA DO! She says he's suppose to move in soon, but im just worried about him knowing about me being transgendered and all. Mom said "You gonna' have to tell him"...?!!!

Why do i have to tell him? Is it my spot to tell him im trans? Or is it hers since he suppose to accept her and all of us?

She also says, she wishes i could wait till i get out the house to put on makeup and stuff, but NO! im not gonna'! I wanna be myself, i've been unselfish for 16 whole years, it's time to be selfish!

Other than that, i have no type of problem of him moving in, i just really want him o know about me, so i won't have to feel like i have to be a boy around him!

HELPPPP pleasee 

[Renate]

Your mother is entitled to have her own life, but she does have responsibilities for you also.
One of these responsibilities is to make sure that anyone that she injects into the household will work out.
She has an obligation to discuss any particular circumstances and introduce you to each other on the best basis.

It sounds like she is just negative on your transition and wants to force things.

[Lyric]

Well, I'm a grownup and I think your mother's being irresponsible not to tell him herself. I agree with Renate that your mom seems to have issues with your transition. You'll just have to deal with it. Unfortunately, yours is not an easy path and you are going to have to deal with a lot of difficult and unfair situations in the future. Consider it practice for things to come. My best advice would be to calmly go about your life and be who you are. You really don't have to sit down and have a talk about your personal situation with this guy. Your mother brought him into your life. He's the one who's adapting to a new environment. Just do your thing and let him figure it out. If he wants to talk, talk. Who you are is your business first.

Lyric

[Mischa]

I'm not sure if I would say your mom is irresponsible, nor does it seem she is rejecting you as a transwoman. It does seem that she her self is conflicted with the situation and you need to sit down again and work something out. Perhaps when the bf is told you both could be there to explain the situation. That way he knows that she supports you, and she doesn't have to directly explain how you feel. What he says or thinks after the conversation is completely dependent upon him.

~M

[K8]

It would help matters if you would meet this guy before he moves in.  It sounds like you've had the chance to meet him but have avoided it.

Quote: i never met him... but he comes over a lot, but i just run into the room!

If after 16 years of unselfishness you claim the right to be selfish, you should show some responsibility.  Meet him.  Are you just going to stay in your room the whole time he's living there?

Your mother has the right to her life just as you have the right to yours.  Ideally, the three of you should sit down together and talk about a few things - like expectations and how the three of you are going to live together.  Oh, and you might even get around to the fact that you are trans.

You and your mother owe this guy the common courtesy of letting him know you are trans before he moves in.  If she isn't grown up enough to tell him, then perhaps you can be grown up enough to do it.

Good luck.  It's never easy being 16 or trans.

- Kate

[Cindy]

I agree with Kate,

It is your house and at age sixteen your Mum still has legal protection over you. I know this sounds difficult, it isn't. Meet your Mum's BF as you, the real you, wearing your clothes and makeup etc. There are three basic scenarios. He'll freak out and not be able to accept the situation, he will not freak out and will be able to accept your situation, he will not know what to do. All of these situations are capable of being dealt with. BTW if you can talk to your mum, I suspect that she has told her boyfriend already, why would she invite him into the house if he was going to go nuts?

Good Luck Honey

Cindy

[Dianna]

RoseBlossom, IMHO I believe the guy (b/f) should be told prior to him moving in to your home.

I would think you need to have this discussion with your mother about who tells the boyfriend.


All the best with it, not an easy one.

[wannalivethetruth]

I agree with Kate,

It is your house and at age sixteen your Mum still has legal protection over you. I know this sounds difficult, it isn't. Meet your Mum's BF as you, the real you, wearing your clothes and makeup etc. There are three basic scenarios. He'll freak out and not be able to accept the situation, he will not freak out and will be able to accept your situation, he will not know what to do. All of these situations are capable of being dealt with. BTW if you can talk to your mum, I suspect that she has told her boyfriend already, why would she invite him into the house if he was going to go nuts?

Good Luck Honey

Cindy

Well, she says that he's a real nice guy and that he is just the sweetest!...but then again theres my situation! I think sometimes she tries to avoid the conversation!

[Jay]

I don't think that you should be the one to tell him you are trans as its not you who is asking him to enter your life. Its you mother.

Thats my five pence.

Jay