Did you, or do you plan to have any sort of ceremony for transition?

[Autumn]

I've been musing about on the workings of going full time in the next few months. Mostly, my facebook. Because I don't want to just change my name on the site,. I want a wholly different profile. It's a weird concept to think, of the people I won't tell and won't re-friend, what my last update would be. "Name Died." That's simple. Or just say nothing. Or delete the account. Who knows?

Of course, the thought goes beyond that. To online contacts who don't know or need to know. Do I drop my old handles from over 10 years ago? Do I keep them around just in case someone tries to reach me? Do I get rid of firstnamelastname@email.com, which I've used extensively for the past several years? Practically speaking, I used it for a lot of contact info...

More interesting to me, I have a lot of friends who I am out with. I was considering having a funereal gathering of a dozen or so people, wearing a long black dress and veil, and scattering ashes from a coffee can at a pond or lake. Maybe off a bridge.

I can't be alone, at least in the thought, of doing something symbolic or amusing beyond a new DMV photograph.

[Shelina]

If ever I succeed post-op, I'll wipe off EVERYONE from my entire life upto even my own members of family. I don't want to be known as a transsexual but as a real woman.

[V M]

If and when I can afford SRS, I will no doubt be able to throw the biggest party ever. Yes you are all invited

[Cindy]

Hi Autumn,

What a great idea! The one of having a burial etc, I think you then need a rebirth, the same night. A really nice, summery, flowing gown (a bit baptismal; but maybe cute?); move among your friends and have a glass wine etc, and re-intoduce yourself as you. As for FB etc couldn't comment.
Friends are friends

Cindy

[Dennis]

I transitioned about 5 years ago. I'm in the small town I grew up in and I have a professional reputation here. For me, wiping everything meant losing all of that, so I didn't. Most people know my past and I can't think of any who hold it against me. If you think you want to wipe the slate, think about whether you want to lose all you've built up so far. If you think that transitioning tars it to such an extent that you'd rather do that then maybe you should see if it really does do that.

Do be aware though, if you're stealth, you will always be haunted. If there is something somewhere that someone thinks you're ashamed of, you can feel pretty sure, it will come out. Or at least, you will spend the rest of your life worried that it will. If you just accept who you are (which doesn't mean shouting it from the rooftops if you don't feel comfortable with that), then nobody can hold anything over you.

Nothing about me that I'm ashamed of.

Dennis

[Alex_C]

First I have to pass the EMT-B course, do some work or volunteer than get into a paramedic program and pass that. Then I definitely WILL paddle out and surf on an honest-to-gosh backboard! And have someone video it! Heck I'll pick a warm day and do it in an EMT/Paramedic uniform! EMT-B which is a semester, to Paramedic, which is kinda a half-baked doctor at least in emergency medicine terms, is one heck of a transition and well worth celebrating. And I just knew, once I held a backboard in my hands, that I can surf on the sucker.

Oh, uh, er, physical body type transition well. .... I dunno ....

[Janet_Girl]

When I went to full time, I posted a obituary notice on my MySpace page.  I only listed my male name as J*** F******* G******, and I stated that he left three ex wives and four children behind,  And that his "sister" ( Me  ) was not planning any memorial.  And then I took everything that was his to Goodwill.

When I heal from SRS, in the future, I might just go pick up a guy at a bar and get laid.  That is of course if I don't have male friends at the time.  Otherwise one of them might just get lucky.

Did I say that in my outside voice?


Janet

[Miniar]

My ceremony will be a full back tattoo that carries three metric tons of symbolism.
I think that's all I'll do.
I'm not a ceremonial person.
My wedding was a visit to a judge followed by noming a chocolate cake at a café.

[Butterfly]

A wake would have been nice, with a closed casket, flowers, guests & a funeral eulogy speech said by me.  Too late now but the desire to do it hasn't vanished.

[Northern Jane]

Since I lived "back & forth between genders" in my teens, always having to go back to trying to pass as a guy, the closest I came to any kind of "funeral" was when I was preparing to leave the hospital in Colorado to return to Canada. I had travelled down in boy mode (this was before one's papers could be changed) and as I was packing up, I gave the last of my boy clothes to my nurse's boyfriend.

I didn't realize that wasn't very bright until I was approaching Customs & Immigration to re-enter Canada! I certainly didn't look "boy" and yet "boy" was the only ID I had! (Damned blond roots!)

[MaggieB]

The closest thing I had to a "Ceremony" was putting all my male clothes including two Armani suits, a dozen fine dress shirts, fine leather belts, dozens of silk ties and half a dozen pairs of Bali and other expensive brand shoes in plastic garbage bags and giving them to Goodwill.  I kept one old pair of male docker pants and one cotton shirt for an emergency if I had to appear as male.  ( I had to do that one time then I disposed of them too.  It made me depressed for days after I wore them.)

It felt very poignant to discard the clothes that I used to look my best as a male.  I knew it was a milestone and one that really affected my family.  They knew I was serious.

Maggie

[Zelane]

Once surgery its done (If I ever get to that point >.<) I will burn certain clothing items.

[Kayden]

If ever I succeed post-op, I'll wipe off EVERYONE from my entire life upto even my own members of family. I don't want to be known as a transsexual but as a real woman.

I understand that there may be an extremely personal reason as to why you may need to do this, but you can be a "real woman" without dissociating from these people.

[K8]

I am a real woman.  I am a transsexual.  I am a woman with an odd past and many friends I am not willing to give up.  But we each do this in our own way to suit our own needs.

As for the ceremony, I thought of something like the bridging ceremony girls go through when transitioning from Brownies to Girl Scouts.  The Brownies all wish her well, she walks from one group to the other, and then the Girl Scouts welcome her to their fold.  It is a very nice ceremony.

But when the time came, I was too involved in becoming Kate to arrange such a thing.  Still, I had a number of male friends who expressed sorrow to lose their male friend and a number of female friends who welcomed me as their new girlfriend.

The closest I came to anything ceremonial was carefully folding my male clothes for their trip to the thrift store.  I kept a few of my favorite neckties, including two gorgeous silk ones I had bought in Milan.  I carefully lined a box with tissue and carefully laid them in there.  I still have the shirt my daughter wore playing soccer when she was 8 (she's 35 now) and the ribbons my favorite uncle wore in the Navy, so keeping a few neckties as mementos may be part of a pattern for me.

- Kate

[DamagedChris]

If ever I succeed post-op, I'll wipe off EVERYONE from my entire life upto even my own members of family. I don't want to be known as a transsexual but as a real woman.

As slightly melodramatic as I feel this comes off...I'm not too far removed from this sentiment. But then, I generally keep to myself anyway, so don't have any friends I would miss much that don't already know me as only male...and most of my family hates me anyway. Well, not hates me, but hates everything about me bordering being violent. I'll keep in touch with them just enough to where I don't stick them with any bills I owe them, and my mother who's perfectly fine with it. But my extended family I have barely any ties to as is, and no qualms in never seeing them again.

As far as the topic at hand...when I attempted transition once before, I gave ALL my female clothing away to friends, just had a big party and let them pick through my closet. This time I'll probably not make that big a deal about it.

[Jay]

After bottom surgery I will wear my "rock out, with your cock out" T-shirt. And after I am all healed I may just go to a bar and sleep with a random or something... dunno.

I don't have enough friends to have a party as such.

Jay

[The None Blonde]

I think a ceremony is a bit odd.... i mean... you're still you. so why are you 'burying 'bob' or whatever? isnt it a bit schysophrenic really?

[Lachlann]

I think a ceremony is a bit odd.... i mean... you're still you. so why are you 'burying 'bob' or whatever? isnt it a bit schysophrenic really?

To celebrate? I mean it is kind of a big deal. You may be yourself still, but it's a birth of a new you in a way.

[The None Blonde]

I'm not sure I agree... sure, its a big deal, but an elaborate funeral ceremony seems a little... less than symbolic, and a bit 'out there'.

Sure do it if you want, i just dont quite see it as an idea id ever even consider. Its not worthy of celebrating in my view, Its something to be marked and moved on from.

To me, I'm still the same person, the same girl  I always was, the cover just changed. I didnt become a new me, or a new person, thats too much like changing sex... becoming the oposite sex... the old silly steriotypes of a man 'becoming a woman'... makes me want to grind my teeth sorta...

[Alex_C]

I venture to guess that it's a bigger thing for the MTFs here. It's a big change, and it really is a big accomplishment to bury that old "guy.

For us FTMs, we've grown up and lived with "room to move" that our MTF sisters never had. We could be tomboys, butch lesbians, etc., and in many cases pass/not pass randomly as men before hormones. Our sisters don't get that, they get called "sissy boys" and beat up in school, get pressured into playing football and all kinds of nonsense, and catch all kinds of heck if they add a feminine accent or two to their wardrobe.

We get on HRT, we end up with deep voices and facial hair helping us out fairly soon. And most of us are short but short guys abound. Our sisters have to cope with being tall in most cases, and instead of our one surgery, top surgery (most of us don't do more than that) they're looking at a bunch of things, and it seems to be a BUNCH.

So for us it may not be a big deal, I'm in agreement with most of you guys, the best ceremony is to get laid! But for some of us, it is.