What constitutes full time?

[Hazumu]

Here's my problem:

At work, because of several issues that would come to the fore when I change my name, and again when I change my gender, I'm putting that off until as close to SRS as possible.  This is based on the advice and concurrence of my gender therapist who over the years has had several clients in the military and government civilian service, and has learned through trial and error what works best.

The biggest issue is that each incremental change triggers an automatic and highly expensive security re-investigation.  A secondary issue is that they (the guvvamint) legally view gender change as having had 'the surgery'.

Well, okay, I can work with that.  I would really like to get on with using 'Karen' legally, but I also like the job (it's paying for my transition and eventual SRS,) and I'm basically virtually out at work (the word has been passed that if you have questions about me, ask me and I will tell you -- don't disrespect me by asking someone else about me), and I'm really out to the key people.  I wear what I feel like that's appropriate to the work I do without respect to one gender or another.  Loose clothing (such as flounced or bell sleeves on blouses) would be a hazard and easily soiled, so I don't wear them.

Now, where I really have problems is with the trans community itself.  I got it from my trans doctor when she offered to sign the California form to change the gender marker.  And I've gotten it from anybody who asks if I'm fulltime yet.  "But, you HAVE to change your name!  You HAVE to get the gender marker on your license changed!..."  When I explain my situation at work, I get a look of -- I don't know, pity? -- that I'm not fulltime yet and 'when are you gonna' get it on, girl?'

But doing so sets off those investigations.  Being trans is not the issue for a clearance, they actually like that you've been totally honest and transparent with your background (it shows a rare level of honesty and disclosure,) -- it's the expense and effort of a full-on background investigation.  So my therapist says, "Wait for it, and go through it only once."

Really, I'm feeling caught in the middle. 

What constitutes 'acceptable' fulltime?  What constitutes 'acceptable' RLT?  Are the requirements absolute, or is there flexibility for dealing with individual situations?

And finally, are fulltime and RLT being used as a measure of our worthiness in the community, the way that some people rate the TG community in Crossdresser is trumped by a transgendered is trumped by a transsexual is trumped by a post-op?

Provocatively yours;

Karen

[cindianna_jones]

In this situation Karen, I'd blow off what the "community" thinks.  I would work through an arrangement with your therapist.  I'm sure that if you are "out" at work, that could constitute your RLT even though your name has not yet been legally changed.  After all, it is much more  difficult to the be the ->-bleeped-<- in everyone's eye than to move to another job as a woman.

Yes, that is what I would do, talk to your therapist about this single issue.  I'm absolutely sure you could work something out.

Cindi

[DawnL]

You don't have to do anything and you don't have to have anything changed.  If
you're essentially out, I think that's enough.  People who might argue that you're
not living as a woman or are doing things the easy way would do well to remember
that living as an out transsexual is much harder than living as a woman.  Reaching
full womanhood was a relief for me from the constant stress of living as a transsexual.
The guidelines are not written in stone and the therapists writing your letters are
supposed to consider your mental state of preparedness as much as some arbitrary
calender rules.  Most of all, transition is very expensive and if your job is paying the
way, then I suggest you keep doing what you're doing now.  Makes perfect sense
to me.

Dawn

[Melissa]

I think you just need some kind of documentation to show to a surgeon or if your therapist vouches for when you go fulltime in a letter, that may suffice.  Basically the RLT is a surgeon's requirement and if you can satisfy the surgeon, then you should be good to go.

Melissa

[Hazumu]

I think you just need some kind of documentation to show to a surgeon or if your therapist vouches for when you go fulltime in a letter, that may suffice.  Basically the RLT is a surgeon's requirement and if you can satisfy the surgeon, then you should be good to go.

Melissa

My therapist has already assured my I'm on track for his surgery letter, the only holdup is of course giving time for the hormonal and mental changes of transition to come to fullness.  I'm comfortable with the arrangements at work, and am totally amused that the big bosses' single biggest concern was what bathroom would I use.  My answer was, "Whatever one makes the fewest people uncomfortable." my concern is is it clean and operable, and am I left in peace to empty my bladder (secondary concern is are the magazines any good...)

My therapist is already writing me a confidential letter (which I'm free to share with anyone,) that says I'm GID and in transition under his care.

But I welcome the dialog here as to what should constitute proper full-time RLT.  I expect the views to vary.  Let's hold them up to the light and see how they look!

Karen

[Melissa]

My therapist is already writing me a confidential letter (which I'm free to share with anyone,) that says I'm GID and in transition under his care.

That's the carry letter.

melissa

[stephanie_craxford]

Each of us who transitions experience our own set of issues that dictate how the transition will proceed, and I think it would be safe to say that each of us is unique that way.  In the end it is the medical professionals who will determine if "your" RLT/RLE meets the requirements of the SOC so I would therefore contact those clinicians who would be involved in making that decision (therapists & surgeons) and explain your situation.

Yes there are going to be some who would say that you are not living full-time as you have not changed your name, so you can switch back and forth as the situation dictates, you are not living in the appropriate gender.  You can duck and run when the pressure is on.

This is a short blurb from the SOC as to what is expected by RLT/RLE in the appropriate gender:

1. To maintain full or part-time employment;
2. To function as a student;
3. To function in community-based volunteer activity;
4. To undertake some combination of items 1-3;
5. To acquire a (legal) gender-identity-appropriate first name;
6. To provide documentation that persons other than the therapist know that the patient functions in the desired gender role.

In the end you have to provide the surgeons with documentation that you meet the criteria as laid out in the SOC here and I would suspect that if your therapists confirm that you meet the criteria then you do.

In their letters to Dr Brassard, from my therapists, neither actually listed what I did as part of my RLT, they simply stated that I met the criteria for GRS/SRS, and the surgeon would take that as diagnosis and everything else listed in the SOC.  While the ultimate responsibility for surgery is that of the individual concerned, medical professionals realize that should they miss diagnose they would leave themselves open to lawsuits.

Just my 2 cents

Steph

[Buffy]

Full time to me was being Becky 24/7.

Changing my name, documentation, getting rid of all my old Male clothes and living & working as a Female.

I did part time, before I fully transitioned... worked as Male, outside work as a Female for about 6 months and actaully found this frustrating, because I enjoyed theFemale side and actually abhored the Male side... but wasn't ready to transition.

24/7 is the only way.

Becky

[cindianna_jones]

Full time to me was being Becky 24/7.

Changing my name, documentation, getting rid of all my old Male clothes and living & working as a Female.

I did part time, before I fully transitioned... worked as Male, outside work as a Female for about 6 months and actaully found this frustrating, because I enjoyed theFemale side and actually abhored the Male side... but wasn't ready to transition.

24/7 is the only way.

Becky

Ahhh but what if you could not change your name at work until you had the surgery?  This is what Karen is perplexed with.  In her situation both must seemingly occur at the same time for the security clearance thingy.

Becky, I was like you.  When someone mentions the old name... and it still happens in some family situations.. it is a stab through my heart.  I don't know why it feels like that.  But it is very important to be called by my name. The old one hurts me more than anyone can ever imagine.

Cindi

[DawnL]

Becky, I was like you.  When someone mentions the old name... and it still happens in some family situations.. it is a stab through my heart.  I don't know why it feels like that.  But it is very important to be called by my name. The old one hurts me more than anyone can ever imagine.

I despise my old name.  It is a reminder of the prison I lived within all those years and
I've gone to fairly substantial lengths to erase it from every aspect of my life including
mailing lists and the internet.

Dawn

[Melissa]

I also dispise getting called by my old name.  I don't hate the name in itself and I don't hate a few close people know what it was, but I hate being called that.  Also, I still haven't gotten rid of all my male clothes, but mostly due to laziness.  I haven't had any desire to wear them.

Melissa

[Hazumu]

Thank you for veering over into names - it triggered a bit of introspection.

I can't yet get annoyed at my old name, as it's likely necessary to stick with it a while longer as a matter of necessity (legal changes triggering expensive, exhaustive investigations and all that...)

But I find a low level of annoyance -- purpously ignored -- towards it and that it is still used to refer to me.

This angry ambivalence is the same thing that was with me for many years as I tried to not acknowledge my dysphoria and just get on with a pale semblance of 'life'.

One bright spot recently was the weekend in Portland.  Ohh!  The right-gender name, and the right pronoun used to refer to me!  This morning it was my sesion with my therapist.  After telling him the minutiae of the Portland weekend, he said, "I'm glad to hear you had so much fun, and so far I think your transition is coming along just fine, Karen."

I've had to wait and dream of many desired, awaited events.  Somehow, I've always eventually achieved them.  I got out of the Marine Corps.  I got into a band and made my living playing my drums in front of an audience for two years.  I traveled to London on vacation.  I learned to ski.  I 'graduated' from 22 years of military service (with a pension.)  And, soon, within the next two to three years (if not sooner,) I will "became a woman - both in spirit and in the eyes of the law."

I'll put up with the dysphoria being referred to by my old name and the wrong pronouns, one way or another, until I can say those words.

Karen

[Melissa]

And, soon, within the next two to three years (if not sooner,) I will "became a woman - both in spirit and in the eyes of the law."

You already are in spirit, hon.

Melissa

[stephanie_craxford]

... And, soon, within the next two to three years (if not sooner,) I will "became a woman - both in spirit and in the eyes of the law."...Karen

Ahhhhhhhhhhh Hazumu, are you not already a woman ?

Steph

[Hazumu]

Melissa, Steph;

True -- I stand corrected.  I plead being overcome by dysphoria...

Karen (DAMMIT!)