Hi- I am new to this forum

[Sparks]

I guess this is the area for introductions. I am new to the forum and even confused and wondering whether I should be here. I am biologically a male. My name is Shawney. When I was a young boy, I was severely sexually abused by my father. This went on for years. As a consequence, I have become very fearful and mistrusting of men. I am at times embarrassed to be a male and am repulsed by male behavior. This is something the the therapists don't seem to understand. It is difficult to explain but because I have had female only friends all my life and the abuse that went on for so long, I tend to think and act more like a female than a male. My friends think of me as one of the girls. I feel more comfortable and safe this way. I don't cross dress but will occasionally wear some clothes which are considered more 'girly'. I am not sure which level, if any, of ->-bleeped-<- that I fall into or if I am just confused/messed up because of my past experiences. Hopefully I can find some answers/help here at this forum.
-S

[Janet_Girl]

Hi Sparks,

Welcome to our little family. Over 3400 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another member.

And be sure to check out

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks
  

Blessed Be.
Janet

[Cindy]

Hi Shawney,

What a terrible past you have had. I am so sorry to hear it. Don't be fearful or shy here, there are lots of people with lots of different viewpoints, but there is at least one thing in common, we have gender issues or we are significant others of people with gender issues. Don't be trying to place yourself in a category. Why not be Shawney; a new and very welcome person to Susan's

Susan's is a support site. It is non-judgemental and has rules to follow. Moderators will step in if anyone breaks the rules.

It is a large family and very supportive. Although we do have a few disagreements

Hugs and Welcome

Cindy

[Dianna]

A big Welcome Shawney, I'm sure you will find an area or a thread here where you feel comfortable to post.   

[Miniar]

Hello and welcome.

[Deanna_Renee]

Welcome to the family Shawney,

As the others have mentioned, you are in a very supportive, open, and diverse environment here and I'm sure you can find answers to some of your questions, or at least concerned encouragement. Whether you are transgendered or simply confused, you will not be judged.

I see from your introduction that you are at least seeking therapy, that is a great place to start, perhaps the most important place for you to deal with the trauma. Feel free to ask questions and make comments and share. But, that said, be sure to stay safe, do not post specific information regarding your age, location etc (I am assuming that you are still young). Also be sure to read the rules, especially regarding age (Janet posted the links).

I wish you well and much happiness in your future. Please take care,

Deanna

[r.morgan]

First off don't feel bad - I'm not sure how far I'm going either and everyone here has been nothing but friendly and supportive.
Now I'm new here too so it feels weird giving advice but stay with me.

Find some private time so you can think and ask yourself a few not so simple questions. 
Do I want to be a girl/woman?
When was the first time I felt the way I do?
Is there anyone I can talk to about this right now who I don't think will judge me and I can actually talk to face to face?

I don't know if it will help you - but it's the best advice I can offer.  It's what I did. 

[Deanna_Renee]

r.morgan,

Welcome to Susan's also, that is (IMO) great advice and a great place to start. For me the first two questions were easy and the third I was lucky enough to find a therapist I could open up to easily as well as a couple of very close friends who have been nothing but supportive.

I am sure that for some people these questions will be much more difficult to ask themselves and to honestly find the answers within, if they are still in denial and confused. Just take your time Shawney, there is no rush to have answers to these or any other questions. It is probably most important to figure out who Shawney is before figuring out what Shawney is (boy/girl/transgendered/transsexual/other/none-of-the-above).   

Deanna