hey all just givin a little story about why im here and how i got here.
i am ftm and have been out for about a year. i grew up without a father, therefore assuming all the male tasks around the house, mowing the lawn, shoveling snow, fixing things up. i always prefered doing these things as opposed to the stereotypical female chores. i had mostly boys as friends growing up and played with trucks and cars and was into pro wrestling. i never thought i was anything more than a tomboy even though i would ask god to make me a boy every nite. i usually dressed in boyish clothes growing up and things like that and when my mom made me wear a dress it made me feel sick, something about it just made me feel so wrong. i hated being called petite, i always wanted to be called husky or intimidating, never understanding why it was postitve to be feminine. at about 8 or 9 when nobody was home i would stuff my pants down there and walk around with no shirt and baggy jeans. something about that made me feel amazing, but i still thought i was just a big tomboy.
when i started dating at about 19 i dated men because i was afraid to date women even though all my life i would crush on girls. i always felt weird dating guys. i wanted to be the one opening car doors or getting flowers, doing the typical male thing ya kno. i was engaged to a guy when i was 20 but left him for a girl. my mom was very mad and pretty much said i was goin to hell, but i didnt care it made me happy. i dated several girls after that and considered myself a lesbian, but something about that didnt feel rite either. i met this one girl named casey and she always commented on how boyish i was, she said she thought i might be transgender. i didnt even kno what transgender was so i researched it. it was dead on. by this point i had already cut my hair and started shoppin in the mens section. when i met casey i had long hair, wore tight jeans and was really girly on the outside. she fell in love with me as a girl but now that i wanted to be a guy she didnt want any part of it. she ended up leaving me for an ex girlfriend of mine. i felt all alone. i knew i liked girls but i was a guy. i figured i would hav to meet a lesbian, but what lesbian wants to be with a guy. so i started dressing semi girly and wearing makeup again.
i met a girl named bree, she was perfect but she didnt kno i wanted to be a guy. i pushed it aside for awhile and just kept being semi girly while assuming the male role. i finally got sick of being someone i wasnt so i told bree i was transgender. she said to me that was fine and that she fell in love with who i am in the inside. we are now engaged and i hav been livin as a guy for about a year. everyone but my mom calls me austin and male pronouns. i have started goin to my counselor and he suggested i meet ppl like me. i went to my first transgender meeting a few days ago and signed up to this forum so i can find ppl that i can relate to.
