First steps are the hardest

[BigJ]

Hello everyone I'm 23 and a guy.  After 6 years off having a mask on i thought it was time to take it off.  So i ran up my close friends and said i was coming over and were going to have drinks and they knew nothing else just friends having some wine and watching some good DVD's (the wine was more for me to get relaxed and to get ride off the voice block).

After lunch and a fair bit off wine i decided to tell them how i felt on the inside.  At first i only told my female friend as i didn't know what her partner would react like.  But after she poked and badgered me down i finally told her that i felt i was born in the wrong body she was not surprised to hear it and was straight away 100% supportive off my decision that i had made.

A while after we were on the front veranda having a smoke away from another friend inside and her partner came out to see why we were taking so long and she said is it ok to tell him know, i just sat and looked nervous and said you can once was hard enough today, and both off them accepted me for who i am on the inside and both off them weren't surprised by it.

know I'm reaching out to some forums to try to find out more information and groups off people in the same situation to get advice on how to break the news the parents and family.  My uncle will understand me as he is going through what i am know.


I would love to hear from you all and hear what you have to say <3

[Janet_Girl]

Hi BigJ,

Welcome to our little family. Over 3600 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

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Blessed Be.
Janet

[Renate]

Congratulations, Big J.

I guess that you know how to pick your friends.
You've got some good ones there.
They like you for you.

[K8]

That was a big one, BigJ.  Congratulations!

Yes, the first steps are the hardest.  There are lots of hard steps later, but you get stronger and with luck you build support.  It sounds like you are already doing that.

Look around.  There are a lot of us who have been where you are.  Good luck on your journey to being you.

- Kate

[BigJ]

Thank you everyone for all your kindness and support   The tips to stay calm will help out heaps so i wont have to be so nervous telling the rest off my family.  Specially when it comes to telling my parents but my friends said when I'm ready they will come with me so i don't have to go at it alone.

[Alexmakenoise]

What I found has helped me the most personally is the day of the talk, filling my mind and heart with loving, positive thoughts of the person I am going to be talking with. I picture what the person/people means to me and focus on feeling gratitude, love and ease. The goal is to remove any walls between me and the person I am speaking. I tell myself how easy it is going to be. I also try to focus on the other person instead of myself. I maintain this state of meditation all the way up to the start of the talk, pushing aside my anxieties and negative thoughts.

Using this technique I find I am able to free myself from fear and anxiety. Being other focused. Being in a state of gratitude and ease. It has been successful each time in so far as the ability to convey the message was done as compassionately as possible. By the time I arrive to the family member/friend I have a big smile on my face already as I am glad to see them and I am at a state of peace with myself.

I am actively transitioning now and have come out to spouse, adult children, siblings, friends and co-workers. There seems to be a never ending list of people to come out to, hehe. I used this technique also for work as I stepped into the corporate office for the first time two weeks ago. I mentally pictured each manager and co-worker and repeated the gratitude/love/ease process. By the time they each saw me I was in a state of peace and many commented later how happy I looked. It made it easier for them to accept my change.

Wow, this is really good advice!

I'm going to try doing exactly what you described next time I have to have a serious and potentially anxiety-ridden conversation with someone.  It could work for more situations than coming out.