I have a fraternal twin brother who I feel I need to come out to but am scared, to be honest. Sometimes I just can't believe we are twins. He is the exact opposite of me. He lives in Arkansas and I live in Philadelphia. I am really glad we don't live in the same area. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother dearly but am scared of him. He drives a truck over the road for a living and often ends up near Philly. He would periodically call me up and tell me he is stuck here for the weekend and I would go pick him up. First stop was to pick up two cases of beer and most likely Sunday would be yet another beer run. I would drink maybe two beers out of the whole thing.
He has a serious anger problem. One night about 15 years ago I saw something that scared the ->-bleeped-<- out of me. I was in my bedroom talking to a friend that had just found his grandparents murdered and was trying to console him. My brother comes in and yells at me for being too loud so I apologized and said I would try to talk softer. My emotions kicked in a bit and I guess my voice got too loud again and he came back in the bedroom and when I looked at his eyes I became terrified. I tried to leave the bedroom and he blocked my exit and pushed me back in the room. I actually became a bit scared for my life and dialed 911. Something happened to my brother where he seemed to not be my brother anymore but someone totally different. I hung up on the 911 call and my brother finally left the room and got his girlfriend and left.
I have only seen him in this state once but from what I hear it is pretty common in his relationships.
He called me about 3 months ago to see if he could come stay with me and I told him it wasn't a good time due to me having to deal with some personal issues. In fact the issues were the changes that have come about since I started hormone therapy and made changes in my appearance. There was no way I could let him see me. He said he hopes things are okay and never asked me anything about the issues.
I have this weird feeling that if I told him about my Gender Identity issues and my plans for the future he might think I am stealing his twin brother from him and might actually try to hurt me. Since he does end up in this area often enough and knows where I live and work it makes me frightened to tell him.
Well, I just wanted to vent that out I guess and see what others think about it. I plan on talking to my therapist about it and see if there is something I can do. I can't keep him in the dark forever, I suppose.
Thanks for listening.
hugs
