Coming out advice??!?!?!?

[Lionheart]

Hi its me agian i am ready to come out to people does anyone have any advice? I will be coming out only as androgyne and i am 18 so can anyone give me some adivice?

[Sarah_Faith]

I'm in your boat. Ish. I'm 24 and ready to announce my (if this is a real word) transgenderedism to all who know me. Way I'm gonna do it is: talk to a psychologist who knows about this stuff. Talk long and really feel certain. I'm already certain, but I'm still s**ting it. Basically, I'm gonna take my parents aside at the best moment. Everyone knows when is a bad time, just pick a time that isn't one of those. You know how you interact with the people you know best. I suppose be straight about it and expect questions. Time will also be needed. I'm almost talking to myself in saying this Keep us posted and I'd love to hear how things pan out.

[Lyric]

Hmm. Maybe I need to be further educated on something, but it would seem to me that it wouldn't really be that necessary to "come out" about being androgynous. Why not just gradually adapt your mode of dress to a dual gender style and let people think what they will? It's not like you're doing a sudden gender switch. You could just wear your hair a bit longer or shorter (whichever), work in a few fashion features and so forth. Am I missing something?

[Sarah_Faith]

I think you got it down to a tee Lyric. There isn't really a big 'coming out' imo. Just kinda keep doing what your doing and if you become more masculine or feminine in your dress sense etc, they may get the picture, but it's not a giant night and day leap. My whole life I've made sure that whenever possible the clothes I wear are unisex whenever possible. It makes me feel as true to myself as possible until I really take the leap. Which should be soon hopefully.

[Eva Marie]

Hmm. Maybe I need to be further educated on something, but it would seem to me that it wouldn't really be that necessary to "come out" about being androgynous. Why not just gradually adapt your mode of dress to a dual gender style and let people think what they will? It's not like you're doing a sudden gender switch. You could just wear your hair a bit longer or shorter (whichever), work in a few fashion features and so forth. Am I missing something?

Thats the way I see it. Just make some changes that make you happy.

[TooManyToasters]

I've also been thinking about this.

Hmm. Maybe I need to be further educated on something, but it would seem to me that it wouldn't really be that necessary to "come out" about being androgynous. Why not just gradually adapt your mode of dress to a dual gender style and let people think what they will? It's not like you're doing a sudden gender switch. You could just wear your hair a bit longer or shorter (whichever), work in a few fashion features and so forth. Am I missing something?

That may work with the general public, but I at least want my family and close friends to know how I feel. I kind of feel like I'm hiding too much from too many people.
I also want to come out as bisexual, so I might as well kill two birds with one stone.

[Kinkly]

Hmm. Maybe I need to be further educated on something, but it would seem to me that it wouldn't really be that necessary to "come out" about being androgynous. Why not just gradually adapt your mode of dress to a dual gender style and let people think what they will? It's not like you're doing a sudden gender switch. You could just wear your hair a bit longer or shorter (whichever), work in a few fashion features and so forth. Am I missing something?

Some of us need to make changes to be comfortable in our boddies and not everyone considers a "netural" look to be the "right" look for them

[Fenrir]

I am in the same boat (18 and trying to maybe let people know about it) but, like you, I'm not entirely sure how I would let people know (or at this point even whether I should let people know)!
I'm still kind of scared about it. My flatmate asked me (on the first day I met him, no less!) if I was a lesbian (I'm not, I'm asexual) but I realised later that he was probably picking up on my masculine mannerisms and was telling myself to go and correct him in the morning (sexuality vs. gender and all that), but... that never happened. It's a pretty hard thing to bring up in conversation! Plus I don't like some of my other flatmates and I'm not certain that they wouldn't be nasty about it.
My main problem (and the main reason I would want to 'come out') is that when people refer to me as female it really irritates me, and for some reason there are a lot of 'ladies first'-type people here. Which is fine if you are a lady, but I just keep asking them to not do it to me and they reply with something like "Chivalry is not dead!" >.< And the problem is, they mean well, but... aargh! 
My vague plan at the moment is to get a binder when I figure out how my post works here and let it dawn on people. 
@TooManyToasters: I know how you feel, I'm reaching saturation point with keeping how I want to be perceived bottled up. And I love your username, a fellow connoisseur of Hotel Mario by any chance...?

[Nicky]

Hmm. Maybe I need to be further educated on something, but it would seem to me that it wouldn't really be that necessary to "come out" about being androgynous. Why not just gradually adapt your mode of dress to a dual gender style and let people think what they will? It's not like you're doing a sudden gender switch. You could just wear your hair a bit longer or shorter (whichever), work in a few fashion features and so forth. Am I missing something?

I disagree with this. Comming out as androgyne is changing genders as much as moving between m and f. We are talking about gender identity here and how you want to be perceived by the world. When a mtf talks about how horrible it is to be continualy refered to as male it is exactly the same thing for many androgynes (it is in my case). For many of us it is not as simple as a different hair cut. One previous member here had genital surgery, kinkly has a beard but often dresses female (that's right hun?), I have an appointment with an endo next month to get some hormone therapy. 

But saying that you do raise a good question - is it nessesary for you to be comming out? We are not made equally, some of us it may not matter. Also it is good to be clear about why you are comming out, what do you hope to happen? I think it is a good idea to tell the person you are comming out too why you are doing it and what you would like to happen. For me when I told my mum it was about creating a better relationship and getting better support. Apart from that I think talking about a gender scale is useful (even though I think it is inaccurate) i.e. male at one end, female at the other, your in the middleish somewhere. Talk about past examples of your gender queerness people can relate too. Also let them know if you are unused to talking about it and may not have the right words to describe things. Also I think it is good to highlight it has nothing to do with your sexuality, and say you will answer any questions they have.

Oh, most importantly if you are dependent - think about the risks of being booted out and what you could do to minimise this (e.g. have a place to go if the worst happens, or delay untill you are independent.)

Best of luck my little unicorns - run free!

[LightlyLuke]

But saying that you do raise a good question - is it nessesary for you to be comming out? We are not made equally, some of us it may not matter.

My partner and I are very verbally up front about our gay relationship. Anyone who sees me knows I'm androgynous. Saying something seems redundant to me. But then I'm not bothered by being called Sir or Ma'am or Hey You!

-- Luke

[Pica Pica]

I've been finding that all the people I've wanted to come out to have told me what I am before I had the chance to say it.

[Kinkly]

kinkly has a beard but often dresses female (that's right hun?)

thats right & I'm on hormones
Post Merge: November 01, 2009, 06:35:40 PM
way back when I first realized I was different before finding a name for it I was not coping well my parrents kept asking me what was wrong I told them I was going through a confusing time and I would explain it to them when I understood it for myself so after a few months of me trying to work out what i was I told my parrents while i have come out to a few friends I'm wanting to come out to my sister but don't seem to have the words to explain it