Approaching Straight Girls

[cynthialee]

I feel for ya. I was a hotie as a man and I still would strike out all the time.
The only hints I have for you are stuff you probably already know. Always pay attention to what a lady is actually saying. Not what you think you are hearing. Man hormones make us stupid when we are sexualy atracted. The key is to over ride the dumbass inside and work from the heart and soul. Be real, no lines. I have only goten lucky with a 'line', once. Pick up lines fail. I have found just walking up, calm but in control and introducing myself, to be the best scoring line I have ever ussed.

Oh btw....unless we ask a girl doesnt want to hear about your car, muscles, or other typicaly manly things. Keep that to yourself...lol

[Lachlann]

You know, it'd be easier for us if there were more women who felt the way you do. But I guess a lot of the general public isn't even aware that FTMs exist, so when can they learn to accept us?

Sorry can't give you advice, I'm a failure with girls.

Honestly I think women, especially from the Y generation, are more accepting of this. Usually more so than men. And I say this because women tend to look for their partners mentally more than they do care for physical. I mean, how many guys have you seen that looked like they were beaten with an ugly stick that are with hot women? Granted, everyone's different, there are women who care more about the physical than the mental and have other motives as well, but I don't run into them often. Typically, if you don't like that kind of person then don't hang with that type of person. You never see them.

Miniar yes me and a girl would have to get along day-to-day but what I mean is, it's the sexual attraction that makes me want to know 'em. If I had no sex drive, I'd hang out with cisguys all the time like I have all my life. Taking sex out of the picture, hangin' out talking about motorcycles, engines, beer, blowing stuff up (an eternally entertaining guy subject!) etc. is my preference.

Heck at the last FTM meeting, well, the meetings I go to are next to a tattoo parlour, which is quite the attraction for guys and while my fellow FTMS were nattering away before the meeting actually started, I went out front to ogle the Harley Sportster parked out there and shoot the bull with the guys, we were talking about, I dunno, cool stuff. Motorcycles and roads and the usual stuff with plenty of raucousness. Who knows what some of my fellow FTMs, kinda "metro" if you know what I mean, thought - that Alex was about to get beat up? LOL!

It would take a heck of a straight girl or girl in general to hold my attention, taking sex out of the equation.

Haha, I can kind of get what you mean here. I'm all(mostly anyway) into the stereotypical guy stuff, always have been. After a year of having mostly female friends I told myself 'enough!' and decided to have some guy time. I love girls and all, but there are some things I can't talk about with some of them.

Which brings up something interesting. On another forum(non-trans) one of the old guys was saying that when a guy's in his early twenties, one of the reasons why he finds himself hanging around more with men than with women is because he still feels quite awkward with them. Over time the awkwardness goes away. Obviously this is from a straight perspective.

[Alex_C]

The guys who looks like they've been hit with the ugly stick but have girls are either (a) financially set up WELL, or (b) are MASTER mental manipulators.

[FlorDeLuna]

All due respect Alex... but that is TOTAL CRAP. 

I have dated some men who were... not beautiful by societal standards perhaps, but each was extremely sexy to me.  (and I may be a little chubby, but I have never had an issue attracting lots of male attention)

If we take my current guy as an example... he may not be someone who would cause an instant head turn on the street, but his mind, and his eyes, and his personality are infintely more attractive to me than a set of 6-pack abs, or a brad pitt face.

[cynthialee]

Girls dont target looks like you guys do, you keep forgeting that. silly man
We like smarts and cunning, a clean body and sharp senses, with a personality and a few muscles don't hurt.
I would rather date a man with style than a man with looks.
jmpo

[Alex_C]

See people? We agree. Hugs all around!

Notice I didn't say anything about muscles being attractive to girls. I said (a) financially well set up or (b) master mental manipulator. Most successful guys are a combination of both.

[FlorDeLuna]

Well... Hugs back at you, but I still think that you're full of it. 

[kisschittybangbang]

lol DONT ACT SHY!

I've been approached by shy guys and its sweet and all, but really... they dont scream anything but friend.

Walk up with charm and confidence and baby you're in business. True you may not feel confident, but play the role long enough and the confidence will be real.

It really isnt about looks and some girls like the "baby face" as I'll call it. Leonardo dicaprio ring any bells? Now if that boy didn't look as feminine and soft as he does, he would NOT have been as massively appealing to the masses as he was.

Seriously. Style, charm, confidence (think borderline cocky, but have a touch of gentleman), and overall take your dorky moments with PRIDE. It's cute. Promise.

[Alex_C]

Bingo. They want a guy to be confident. Sigh this is a whole subject unto itself, some of this is referred to as Pick Up Artist or PUA skills, yes there are tons of web sites about this stuff. A lot of it is understanding basic evolutionary instincts (even though I won't be fathering any children with my teeneepeenee).

Such a deep subject ... there are just as many guys who have been hurt by girls as girls who've been hurt by guys, trust me.

In my own case yeah I want a GF but have so much else to do in my life right now that I can't put a lot of energy into looking for one. Fortunately, if I run across a gal who likes me, I won't mess it up by turning into jelly just to try to get her, because I'm too busy for that.

[finewine]

In my younger days, a handsome friend of mine would always end up with a girl at the end of the night and you know how he did it?

Yup, confidence, charm (his version of it anyway) and, most of all, he just kept approaching girls until eventually one of them said yes.

I could never be bothered with it.  I hated night clubs and noisy bars (still do) and much prefer a good intelligent conversation.  This, plus the fact that I'm not exactly pin-up material, meant that I would only enter relationships infrequently but when I did, it was always with somebody special...somebody who was beautiful both inside and outside.

Of course, this meant it hurt like hell when the relationship broke down, whereas "handsome Bob" never thought twice - for him a girl was like a condom...use and discard.  If that's the way most guys are (and it does seem to be a common theme) then I'm quite happy to be an exception.  I'd rather have the scars on my heart than on my soul.

[Lachlann]

All due respect Alex... but that is TOTAL CRAP. 

I have dated some men who were... not beautiful by societal standards perhaps, but each was extremely sexy to me.  (and I may be a little chubby, but I have never had an issue attracting lots of male attention)

If we take my current guy as an example... he may not be someone who would cause an instant head turn on the street, but his mind, and his eyes, and his personality are infintely more attractive to me than a set of 6-pack abs, or a brad pitt face.

I don't think it's total crap exactly.

I agree that Alex didn't say anything completely or directly about it being only about the money or manipulation, but there are women who are easily swayed or drawn in by money. Whether or not in a classy manner depends on the situation. There are also men who are easily manipulated or drawn in by money as well.

In a way we are all so very different but very much the same. We both can agree for the most part we like people with confidence and who are stable. It's just a manner of how they wish to apply it or have it applied that makes the difference. There are differences, but sometimes I wonder if we're looking too hard at them.

[Alex_C]

I agree on asking plenty of 'em too, T will make you more willing to ask 'em, a bit more bold I guess.

[FlorDeLuna]

I agree on asking plenty of 'em too, T will make you more willing to ask 'em, a bit more bold I guess.

and practice!! the more times you approach a girl, the better you get at it.

I have mostly had male friends, and I know of something they do that I can't really condone, but I'll say it anyway...

Rather than approach women who you actually find attractive (a 9 or a 10) for a while only approach women who fall in the 4-5 range.  They will be more receptive and bloster your confidence.  (Personally, I see the sense in this, but I think it's really mean to use people like that and be so dishonest about your intentions... )

[GnomeKid]

How about.. instead of "approaching" people as potential mates/partners/gfs/bfs/whatevers, you just approach them as human beings and talk to them because you want to "talk" to them, not get in their arms/pants.

Take sex/relationships out of the equation and just say hi.

oh yea... I more meant once it was past that point.
I have always had a problem judging attractiveness from afar (pictures ect. included)  and consesquently I've never had a crush on a person that I've never experienced up close.  To me, romance is a far higher concern than my sex drive.  (but all of the replies have really been helpful as I'm very oblivious to general interactions between two memebers of opposite sexes)

I guess to more clarify my situation a bit:
The specific girl on my mind recently is in one of my lab classes.  So we've interacted a great deal more than just some girl in a class.  I mean she's started conversations up with me, and visa versa.  We've discussed chillin before, but never actually done it and I want to figure out how to actually get her to chill with me so we can talk more ect.  Problem is I've never seen her in class (which is odd because shes really all about being a good student but he just does PPTs so w.e)  so I only see her once a week.  There isn't much chance to have a follow up "so when're we chillin?" question 2 days later or anything. 

[Alex_C]

That's the big problem right there. Everyone's so busy it's almost impossible to get people to just chill, talk, etc. After FTM meetings I'm always trying to get anyone to go to a coffee shop and just hang out, and everyone just explodes in opposite directions, like particles in an explosion.

[Steph]

How do you go about it?

Especially when you're mid transition only passing 50% of the time?

In the old days, guys carried a club and just bopped them on the head, no muss, no fuss

-={LR}=-

[LordKAT]

In the old days, guys carried a club and just bopped them on the head, no muss, no fuss

-={LR}=-

Alley Oop!