I'm adding myself to the ftm pool

[NightKoi]

Hey, thanks. I'm fine. I just wanted to make sure you were covered, and it looks like you are. Oftentimes, people don't mind the idea of something, but then when reality hits...well, you know. But it looks like you and your partner are on the same wavelength, and I'm glad of that.

Thank you. I thank God everyday for the blessing of her in my life. 

[Radar]

I personally wouldn't consider wearing masculine clothes or binding/packing to be 'crossdressing', since you don't identify as a woman, you identify as a man. To me, (I'm an ftm guy) crossdressing is wearing a dress.

I was thinking that too.

[NightKoi]

I guess after years of my parents calling me an 'alien' and a 'cross dresser' sank in more than I thought. But you all are right. I don't consider myself a cross dresser, I'm just wearing the close I'm meant to.

[Radar]

Your parents called you an alien, too?

[NightKoi]

Your parents called you an alien, too?

God, that makes me sad to hear. I was hoping no one else went through what I did... 

[Arch]

God, that makes me sad to hear. I was hoping no one else went through what I did... 

Although my mother used to tell me I was weird, that was mostly about my geekiness. She mostly didn't SAY anything about my boyishness...but it's amazing how quickly my avoidance of makeup and girly clothing turned from being "mature" (when I was in junior high school) to being...well, she didn't actually say it, but she became frantically worried about me when I was in high school. Then it seemed that all she wanted to do was get me to wear a dress and put on makeup and want to go to the salon and all of that.

You should have seen how secretly thrilled she was when I wore a skimpy top one day in my freshman year of college. She sent me back to change, but the relief and happiness in her face were unmistakable.

You know, I was deep in my conformity phase throughout my teenage years. At least, I thought I was. Now I look back and realize that long hair doesn't mean all that much in the grand scheme of things.

Sometimes I wish I could go back and rub her nose in my transness...are you out to your parents, NightKoi?

Sorry for hijacking. I'm deep in the throes of flu and not paying much attention to propriety.

[NightKoi]

Although my mother used to tell me I was weird, that was mostly about my geekiness. She mostly didn't SAY anything about my boyishness...but it's amazing how quickly my avoidance of makeup and girly clothing turned from being "mature" (when I was in junior high school) to being...well, she didn't actually say it, but she became frantically worried about me when I was in high school. Then it seemed that all she wanted to do was get me to wear a dress and put on makeup and want to go to the salon and all of that.

You should have seen how secretly thrilled she was when I wore a skimpy top one day in my freshman year of college. She sent me back to change, but the relief and happiness in her face were unmistakable.

You know, I was deep in my conformity phase throughout my teenage years. At least, I thought I was. Now I look back and realize that long hair doesn't mean all that much in the grand scheme of things.

Sometimes I wish I could go back and rub her nose in my transness...are you out to your parents, NightKoi?

Sorry for hijacking. I'm deep in the throes of flu and not paying much attention to propriety.

Nah don't worry about it. Feel better, the flu sucks.
I'm not out as trans to anyone but my fiancee. I was out years ago when I was thirteen but that was before my parents got to me. Now they only know me as a lesbian. Boy, don't I have another surprise for them.
I don't love them or respect them very much...since their impact on my life was really nothing but negative. I will tell them...but the way I see it, it's their loss if they decide to not be a part of my life anymore.
I do worry about my brothers. I know they'll accept me without a second thought, but I'm worried my folks will keep them out of contact with me. Which would kill me.

[Radar]

God, that makes me sad to hear. I was hoping no one else went through what I did... 

Actually my family... and many people... have said it- but it's all in good fun. I sometimes wonder myself.
Post Merge: November 12, 2009, 06:22:56 PM

Now I look back and realize that long hair doesn't mean all that much in the grand scheme of things.

It's the rock star look!
Actually, my hair is long (and has been since late teens) because of my love of rock music, wanting to be cool like a rock star and it did help my family get off my back... some. Now I've just gotten used to it. I'm going to get it cut short in the future.

[notyouraverageguy]

Welcome, and congrats on gaining the independence. Im sorry about your parents, no one deserves to be punished for trying to be themselves. You should be surrounded by people that love you for who you are.

Anyways, ask away!

[NightKoi]

Welcome, and congrats on gaining the independence. Im sorry about your parents, no one deserves to be punished for trying to be themselves. You should be surrounded by people that love you for who you are.

Anyways, ask away!

Thanks for the welcome. Becoming a part of Susan's has been a huge help and resource for me. I'm wondering a lot how people came out to their parents/families. If you have, how did you do it? And how'd it go?

[notyouraverageguy]

Thanks for the welcome. Becoming a part of Susan's has been a huge help and resource for me. I'm wondering a lot how people came out to their parents/families. If you have, how did you do it? And how'd it go?

I personally have not, yet... im not ready to... and I know that they'd have a problem with it, I know my parents wouldn't accept me...

Id rather wait til im back on my own again, successful and independent.

But I don't know how ill tell them.

[NightKoi]

I personally have not, yet... im not ready to... and I know that they'd have a problem with it, I know my parents wouldn't accept me...

Id rather wait til im back on my own again, successful and independent.

But I don't know how ill tell them.

I know that about my folks too. I just don't even have any idea on how to approach it. When they found out I dated women they were rather cruel and unusual to say the least. Even though I'm independent now and I don't rely on them, I still dread the fit they will undoubtedly throw. And an Aunt I'm close and out to asked me not 'to dump them'. Which will be a difficult not to do since it'd be easier to walk away and continue the life I've made for myself  Besides, I'm close to my brothers and one of them lives with them. I'd die if I was kept from him.

[Radar]

I just don't even have any idea on how to approach it. When they found out I dated women they were rather cruel and unusual to say the least. Even though I'm independent now and I don't rely on them, I still dread the fit they will undoubtedly throw.

I'm writing a letter and mailing them out to my family. It helps keep you from being there if you tell them in person since they could get explosive or even violent. They can also use it to reference back too as well as helpful web links. I suspect my family will flip out too and try to "negotiate" things with me.

Even though I'm independent and haven't lived with them for a long time I still dread listening to the lecture and manipulation. Their (eventual) approval is still important to me. We'll see.

[NightKoi]

Letters work...I've done that once with them but I gave them the letter in person and then went upstairs to play with my brother while they read it. Afterwards they talked with me and were pretty acceptive. That was about my sexuality.

I don't think it'd go so smoothly with my transsexuality.... Maybe sending it to them so I don't have to be present would be a good plan...but I'll wait until after Xmas and Spring Break, because I'm stuck seeing them because of other obligations...lol

[Alexmakenoise]

Hey NK.  Welcome.  I'm a new guy here too.  Seems like a lot of guys are coming out these days.  It sure is good to feel like you're not alone.  For years, it seemed like I'd never meet another TG guy; somehow it seemed like there were more TG women out there.

My family went through a phase (started when I was about 5 through when I moved out at the age of 17) when they punished me if I acted masculine, required me to cross dress for church each Sunday, etc.  But what you went through sounds worse.  I say this because you mentioned something about part of it being illegal.

I hope you can keep talking to your brothers.  Are they a lot younger than you?  Even if your parents keep them away from you now, maybe they'll find you when they're on their own.

I've already brought up the idea with my brother (only sibling) and he just said, "Hey, it would be cool to have a brother."  Seemed like it didn't really matter to him much, which made me happy.

About your gf and the lgbt community:  I've been involved with the lgbt community on and off since I started college.  Just like with everything else, the people who are worth being friends with will remain your friends no matter what.  If she loses friends because she's in a hetero relationship, those people weren't her friends to begin with.  I know that probably seems cheesy and obvious, but I thought it was worth saying anyway.

Also, I've seen a relationship go sort of the opposite way - a lesbian and an mtf girl who had just come out fell in love.  The ftm girl still had an obviously male body, and gf had always told people she was 100% lesbian, not the least bit bi (we were all active in the college's queer organization).  But they seemed to transcend a lot of the traditional gender expectations, and were still together last I heard.  The gf was didn't mind  that her mtf gf wanted to take plenty of time to socialize and research before transitioning.  Seemed they were in love with each other's inner identities more than each other's bodies, which is as it should be.  Sounds like you lucked out in the same kind of way.

Actually my family... and many people... have said it- but it's all in good fun. I sometimes wonder myself.
Post Merge: November 12, 2009, 05:22:56 PMIt's the rock star look!
Actually, my hair is long (and has been since late teens) because of my love of rock music, wanting to be cool like a rock star and it did help my family get off my back... some. Now I've just gotten used to it. I'm going to get it cut short in the future.

I have long hair too, and don't plan on cutting it.  Same thing - it's inspired by being into metal, and rock music in general.

I think that today, it should go without saying that hair length has nothing to do with gender expression or sexual orientation or gender identity (unless you want it to, I guess).  I'll post some pics to show my "rock star" look once I get my post count up.

[notyouraverageguy]

I know that about my folks too. I just don't even have any idea on how to approach it. When they found out I dated women they were rather cruel and unusual to say the least. Even though I'm independent now and I don't rely on them, I still dread the fit they will undoubtedly throw. And an Aunt I'm close and out to asked me not 'to dump them'. Which will be a difficult not to do since it'd be easier to walk away and continue the life I've made for myself  Besides, I'm close to my brothers and one of them lives with them. I'd die if I was kept from him.

Same with mine, when my immediate family found out I dated women they freaked and weren't very accepting. They are now somewhat, its been 2 years, but it just seems they are being tolerant of it. And on top of that they really aren't accepting about the way I present and dress, they still always try to make me wear girl clothes and such. Well not "make me" but encourage it and stuff. The thing im afraid of, is that they might keep my niece and nephew from me. Now that'd really kill me. So I understand about your brother. If anything, you guys can find ways to stay in touch. Maybe he can sneak a phone call, or a visit to you. Idk, but that's if you want to tell them. Depends on his age too, if he's in his teens(around 15 and up) then he should be able to stand upto them and tell them he still wants you in his life. It should be his choice not theirs. But on the other hand if he's younger, that'd be trouble. They have more say on his choices, and you'd have to wait longer for him to be on his own. If all else fails, the only thing I can suggest is trying to make them realize what a big mistake itd be to cut you out of his life.

And if your parents are already out of your life then there's no reason for you to try to make amends with them. Just tell them, if you decide to, and leave it as is. If they want to be a part of your life let them do all the work.

[NightKoi]

@Alex: Lol, yea I've noticed that there's been an increase. I feel like there is a wave a courage and understanding spreading around. It's nice that there are so many guys out there going through the same thing and we can talk to them about it.
As for what happened to me, I see pain as relative. Some things will hurt a person more than they might hurt another....so I wouldn't discount what happened to you as any less painful than what happened to me. I also think my brothers would be cool with it. I love them and I know that they love me unconditionally. (Definitely lucky in that aspect, because I've heard stories where some transsexuals are so afraid of a violent response from their male siblings). It's good to hear your brother was accepting and nonchalant about it. I don't see changing my outside gender as a big deal  because for me, it seems the normal thing to do. But the rest of the world, well, they would be fine with throwing a fit. You know what I mean?
I'm glad that there are other couples out there like my partner and I. = ) I know I'm the luckiest man in the world to have her. 




@ccc: God, being forced into those frilly dresses for holidays and church sucks....I feel you man. My brother that I'm specifically talking about is 9. And I have another one, 2 yrs old, who lives with a different set of parents. My eldest younger brother also lives with those same folks and he's 17. I'm not as worried about the second set of folks...they might be adverse to the idea for some time but I know they won't abandon me or retaliate like the first set will.
(Awkward family, I know)
I'd love to have my brothers all be a part of my life and I'm quite close to the 17 and the 9 year old. Just hope that my 'rents can get over themselves and let me continue being their awesome older sibling.