So Lost

[Megan]

I met with a guy for the first time in my life, and then when I was with him I didn't felt an attraction. It felt like I wasn't even gay, I like guys, but all I was worried about was the way I look even though on the surface I was younger and thinner than him.

I felt so insecure about myself like I wasn't even in the right body.  And I really thought that if I had a gay experience it might clear things up.

And really I don't like my life, it's just a mess, all I am doing is living without living. Living each day for something good to happen.

I think I might be transsexual, and that really scares me than anything else now. I think I repress everything feminine about me after 8 or so, that I cannot even think straight. I act straight, but my personality isn't even real, I just hate everything about everything.

And I don't even know how I can afford transitioning, my job is a lot of work but the pay is so little that I wouldn't save enough for both transition and college. 

I know I can pass well enough, but I am not sure if I be beautiful enough... as I want to be.

[jesse]

magan this is a process and the first thing you need to realized is sexual orientation and gender are two different things. the next thing is find a good therapist if you havnt already make sure they speacialize in gid or at the minumum have expierience with tg people. once you can figure out whats going on with you then you can start to make plans.
jessica

[K8]

Hi Megan,
As Jesse said, this is a process - a long process.  The first part is to figure out what you are and what you want to do about it.  Transition, if you decide to do that, comes much later in the process.  You need to build a foundation before you can start building the house.

Find someone who will help sort out your thoughts and feelings.  It is very normal to be confused in the beginning (and maybe later, too ) - I think we've all been where you are.  A therapist or counselor will help you figure out what you need.

Good luck, hun.

- Kate