how long did it take?

[jessica rose]

Hi everyone.

I was just wondering about this so I thought I would ask.

When you made the decision to begin transition how long did it take for you to be able to pass? it's something that does concern me deeply especially with the muscle mass and bone structure I am blessed with after over compensating ad trying to please others by being what was expected of me. These are my current measurements.

Hight 6 foot/182 cm
weigh  128 kg 20 stone
Chest 52inches 132cm
waist 40 inches 101cm

the rest pretty much follows the same pattern and is very disheartening to list even though I know a lot of it is muscle mass, I have started doing more aerobic exercise which is going pretty well but I'm still a long way from where I want to be I know I will never be a size 0 but I'd at least like to be feminine I am hoping to develop an athletic body long term so I guess I'd like to know how much will AAs and hormones take out of my muscle mass?

Any rays of hope would be great

Jessica xXx

[Janet_Girl]

Time isn't relevant.  It takes practice, outings and confidence.  And one may not ever pass 100%, but if you are comfortable with how you look and, more importantly, feel, that is when you begin to not care about passing.

And just being yourself is the whole point of transition.


Janet

[Hannah]

When you made the decision to begin transition how long did it take for you to be able to pass?

It won't be long before you start seeing "oh I passed in a month with no effort" and "It came naturally to me".

Don't do this to yourself, don't compare. It will only hurt you, prolly deeply, and you'll never be completely happy with that mindset. Just be yourself and if it's in your future other people will start telling you when you do. It started happening for me, occasionally, after 8 months on hormones. Because of that mindset though, I don't see it and it hurts me. Just learn to paint your nails, curl your eyelashes, get your hair done and all that fun stuff and wait for it to start happening. You can control to some extent your skin and bearing, mannerisms and certainly voice. However holding yourself to a timetable in terms of something like that which you have very little control over is just setting yourself up for discouragement.

[kaide]

I agree with Becca, there isn't really a time table, everyone is different so the time it takes varies on everyone.

[Autumn]

And nothing feels worse if you're one of those people who seemingly passes without effort - and then out of the blue you simply don't.

There are tall women. There are ugly women. There are women with deep voices. Nearly everything that we focus on can be found in regular women. You just have to tip the scale over in your favor. How you behave socially and communicate, your confidence, and laser beard removal are the primary factors. Get rid of the shadow, get your voice to a reasonably feminine place, and act like you belong where ever you are.  Just don't cop a horribly cartoony falsetto.

Also, timetables are irrelevant. Did I start to transition when I started anti-androgens? When I started wearing womens' clothing? When I started spiro? When I started estroen? When I started focusing on my voice? When I got most of my beard removed? When I became comfortable enough to communicate like a woman?

Because some of those things were literally years before the others. And I would be mistaken for a girl back before any of them - even face to face with people when I had a huge beard. We get so excited about having a 'passing' interaction and so crushed by a 'non passing' interaction - but there are lots of guys who get mistaken for girls and girls who get mistaken for guys, and sometimes they're even straight. And sometimes people just say the wrong word. People really don't pay attention, too - most people don't give a second thought about people past a glance.

There is no real switch as to when transition begins for most people, since most of us don't go to a shrink for a few visits and then suddenly change everything in our lives. Most of us have been making gradual changes and getting used to them.

If you have not, start making those gradual changes. Shaping brows, taking care of your hair, finding androgynous or masculine womens' clothing, etc. If it all rushes in at once it'll be too much.
Post Merge: November 10, 2009, 02:50:37 PM
Oh yeah. And dressing age/body type appropriate too. And weather appropriate. Knee high boots are not summer wear.

Personally, I think my schtick of dressing like a girl who dresses like a boy works. I'm not the most feminine looking person, if I wore really frilly things it would just look socially odd. Girls who look like me are supposed to like other girls, not wear pink dresses. As my face fills in and chest fills out, then I'll broaden my wardrobe.

[Dawn D.]

Honestly, I don't know if I pass. I've never asked. What I do know is this; confidence is key, as others here have said. It takes time to gain confidence. I don't know of anyone who had it right out of the box. But, over time you'll feel more like yourself and the confidence will come.

And again, as has been stated hormones vary widely as to how and where you get the help they can give. Try not to dwell on what changes are occurring and how fast they happen. What changes, will. For me it was the calming effect of them that helped me out tremendously. I believe in myself more than I ever have. I did get physical help from them too, however, having started when I was fifty, I am sure i missed out on a lot more physical change that would have happened if I had started younger. Still, overall I am very satisfied.

As far as muscle mass, it too changes, for myself, I am maybe 70% as strong (arm strength) as I once was.  And, I really enjoy it when the guy's pick things up for me or move something they think is to heavy for me to do!


Dawn   

[randi1214]

Honestly, I don't know if I pass. I've never asked.   

Oh Dawn....  I laughed so hard for a full minute when I read this.  You aren't just passing you're positively hot.  I'm still laughing.  I remember the first time I saw your picture I thought wow, I would never know.  As a guy, near your age, my thought was, "I wonder if I would be good enough to ask a girl like her to date me."  You know what I mean, you look that upscale. 

[Tammy Hope]

Oh Dawn....  I laughed so hard for a full minute when I read this.  You aren't just passing you're positively hot.  I'm still laughing.  I remember the first time I saw your picture I thought wow, I would never know.  As a guy, near your age, my thought was, "I wonder if I would be good enough to ask a girl like her to date me."  You know what I mean, you look that upscale.

She speaks the truth.

[Northern Jane]

By my mid teens, I couldn't pass as male so I don't count  SRS/transition at 24 solved all that.

[K8]

As the others have said, passing is more than just physical appearance.  While appearance is important, behavior, mannerisms, voice, speech patterns, bodily movements, and – most importantly – ATTITUDE are all part of the mix.

And when do you pass?  When the first person sees you as a woman?  When half the people see you as a woman?  When 99% see you that way?  Or when no one ever even considers that you were anything other than female?

Do I pass?  Sometimes.  Do I know when I do and when I don't?  Not usually.  Do I care?  Not much.  I think eventually you just relax into it.

- Kate

[Dawn D.]

Ohh, Randi and Laura! You've got me blushing , lol! I do appreciate the kind thoughts. Thanks ever so much!

Hugs,

Dawn

[rejennyrated]

Ok I'm best part of 30 years post-op. When I was being selfish and in stealth mode I used to play spot the Trannie with some of my work colleagues (I worked among other places in west London at BBC TV and we got quite a few) - yes I know!! I shouldn't have done it... but... out of the exercise I did get to learn exactly how cisgendered folk thought and talked about us when they didn't think there were any transpeople around.

The adams apple seems to be the biggest giveaway. I am lucky, I haven't got one at all but anyone who has and is apparently female will probably come under suspicion from cisgendered people.

The next thing is the voice and use of language.

Next the facial hair and the THICK makeup which people often use to try to cover it up.

Finally as others have said body language and attitudes.

Get all those things right and you should do ok despite height weight etc.

Oh and Dawn D. I was just thinking that you look rather like my mum! So don't go telling me you look like a boy or I'll be getting a complex here!

[jesse]

the physical changes are easy the hard part is learning to be the woman you are basically after Hrt and srs and whatever else you have done or dont do you have released a 12 year old girl onto the public with the mindset of what ever age male you were prior or vice verse for ftm. women have their entire life to learn mannerisms cultural norms and expectations after transitioning you are basically at the development level socially as that twelve year old little girl. to me this is the hardest part of transitioning is learning to fit in (blend) if you will so as far as how long it could be many years depending on how long it takes you to adapt to your new life circumstances. So many trans spend so much energy on the appearence part w/o the consideration of what it it means to be a woman in their respective cultures that they may end up with a crash course in regret
jessica

[Tammy Hope]

my voice is by far my biggest issue. but very close behind IMO is the art of vocal mannarisms. I don't know how it is elsewhere but in the south, there is a certain "music" to the way most women speak. there's a certain way you "sing it"

and that's before you get to little tricks like calling someone "hun" or whatever (the trick being to do it naturally and not so it draws attention to the fact you are doing it)

In other words, I have to learn to use a female speech pattern without being obviously affecting it as an actor would play a role....I have to gradually adjust to it so that the people who see me regularly (that proverbial check out girl for instance) get used to hearing "Laura's voice" and not "G trying to sound like a woman"

Obviously, that's not a worry when I'm in another town but it is where I live.