Autopaleoandrophilia?

[barbie]

When I see old photos of myself I want to cry/vomit/commit suicide.

It makes me sick to see those old photos.  But I am beginning to see that they are of a stranger, a dead person.  The person in those pics is dead and gone.  Thank the Giver Goddess of Estrogen.

I am not so much extreme as you, but it is a little bit embarassing to see and show my photos taken about 10 or 15 years ago. My photos before that period look fine to me.

Barbie~~

[insanitylives]

Eh. I'm not really my type (well that sounds weird)

Ya know? Too much like my invisible twin sister. That, and I don't see myself as "she could be hot". (people disagree with that statement, but whatever)
And the girl i'm living in is gay (well, dur... or this question wouldn't make sense at all )

that didn't really make sense did it

[deviousxen]

Kara-Xen you look hawt now! Wow! Amazing *drools* Damn, I wish I looked as hot as you. LOL

.______.; As long as its not "Johnny Depp" Hot I wont extinguish humanity out of anger.

[heatherrose]

The dude went from taller than some and shorter than most with something to prove,
to taller than most and shorter than some, she has no care for what you have thought.
Would she do him? Umm ... Who know's? All is possible.
She has been told to, a time or two.

[Bellaon7]

I would not touch the old me, but I would totally hit Isabella!(can I say that here?)

[Christo]

Ugh, not my type

too butch. not my type 

I like pretty feminine girls & "she" was none of that.

[Hannah]

by the same token i wouldnt date tasha either.  while i dont hate her with the intensity i hated him, i really dont like her all that much either.

I know how this feels, everyone always seems so happy and complete and sometimes I wonder how much of it is crap. How long have you really known her?

[Hannah]

I'll see your hot food, lol. Years ago I had a tumor in one of my salivary glands. When they took it out, the signal nerve reattached itself to some sweat glands in the surface skin. Yeah, you can guess what happens when the good stuff comes out 

My therapist got a little annoyed with me yesterday, because I concluded and overview of next terms plans with "or I might open my wrist". Being called out on that was good for me I think, I dunno yet. I can certainly relate to your years of self hatred expression. It's amazing how many people can't get that, it's like...are we even living in the same world?

Well I hope you get to know this Tasha better and find out you like her after all.

[K8]

I wouldn't do him for the reasons many of us have said.  I wouldn't do Kate, either, because she would drive me crazy and, besides, I'm not into women anymore.

for the most part i kinda feel lost without that constant unbearable need to transition.

I know what you mean.  You focus so much on trying to do one thing and then, when you do it, now what?

And Tasha and Becca, I hope you both learn to like yourselves because you learn to see the wonderful people we can see in you.

- Kate

[Alexmakenoise]

Much has been made of  ->-bleeped-<-, the supposed erotic attraction of MTF's to their female image.

Half humorously and half seriously I propose autopaleoandrophilia, that is the erotic attraction of an MTF to their previous male presentation.

When you look at old photos of yourself, do you say, "I would so have sex with that guy!"?
Does a new realization come of your former attractiveness?
Moreover, do you realize how unexploited the old attractiveness was?
This has nothing to do with regret.

(This question is also open to FTM's.)

This reminds me of something I did that ended up helping me to decide that I want to transition.

About a year ago, I was using my female body to make some money by doing some modeling.  So I was practicing and doing stuff like head shots at home with a mirror and camera.  I needed pics of myself as a woman for work, but I decided to do pics of me as a guy too, for fun.  I put on a nice blazer and did fake facial hair (looked ok in the photos).

When I looked at the pics of me as a woman, I thought, "She's hot.  Wow, I'm so lucky to have that body.  And I always forget about it and imagine myself with a male body . . . "

When I looked at the pics of me as a guy, I didn't look as long.  It was more like, "Yeah, that's me," and then I thought about the style of my clothing, facial hair, etc and how I thought it was a good look for me.

So it brought a gender-identity-related inner conflict into focus and helped me to confront it.

I see myself as male and imagine myself with a male body, but I also feel really lucky to have ended up with the female body I got, and for a long time, it seemed like it would be a waste, or failure to fully appreciate something good that I got for free and by accident (having trouble articulating myself here) to permanently alter a body that a lot of girls probably envy. 

Ugh, now I sound vain.  This is really hard to express, but maybe some of you can relate??

Anyway, I finally concluded that if I look good as a woman, I'll probably look good as a man too, and feel more confident, which makes a big difference.  And that I was being shallow and sinking to the usage of society's definition of what a "good body" is, which is really NOT something I want to do.

So here I am.

(I just wish my top surgery could be a donation to an mtf in need!  )

[CodyJess]

and for a long time, it seemed like it would be a waste, or failure to fully appreciate something good that I got for free and by accident (having trouble articulating myself here) to permanently alter a body that a lot of girls probably envy. 

I can completely relate. A lot of he self-hatred I had (and still have to deal with quite frequently) comes from being, here comes the vanity: a really intelligent, beautiful "young lady". How the hell anyone could decide that when I wore t-shirts that hung down to my knees, I'll never know; but the thing I always got (and expect to get) crap about, is that I'm "beautiful" and "why would you waste that when it's something so many other people wish they could have?".

I'll stop now, so I don't end up in a rant over it, but yeah. I get you on this one. Completely.

[xsocialworker]

"AUTOPALINDROPHILIA" . When my hair is dyed dark brown, I put it up and get out my rimless glasses. Then the red jacket and just above the knee skirt. I look in the mirror, see Russia from my house, and get really turned on.

[Ryuu]

"AUTOPALINDROPHILIA" . When my hair is dyed dark brown, I put it up and get out my rimless glasses. Then the red jacket and just above the knee skirt. I look in the mirror, see Russia from my house, and get really turned on.

EPIC WIN

[xsocialworker]

Where does Putin go when rears his head and takes off his shirt. I'm not sayin, but ya betcha Todd is on a moose hunt at that time.

[tekla]

Oh her real life stuff is so funny you can't even begin to make it up, like her on Bill O a night or two ago.

I believe that I am because I have common sense, and I have, I believe, the values that are reflective of so many American values. And I believe that what Americans are seeking is not the elitism, the, um, the, ah -- kind of spineless -- a spinelessness that perhaps is made up for that with elite Ivy League education and -- fact resume that's based on anything but hard work and private-sector, free-enterprise principles. Americans could be seeking something like that in positive change in their leadership. I'm not saying that that has to be me.

[xsocialworker]

Quitting one's job is a true example of having a spine. I wonder if her fans would be so adoring if she weighed 200 pounds and had spiked hair? In her business whatever it is, looks matter. Just like in our business.