Experiences dating straight women?

[ray]

Hey All,

I'm not much for introductions but my name's Ray and I identify as FtM.

I'm just wondering what your guy's experiences are with dating straight women.  Do they accept you for who you are, are they ok with the genital situation, etc.?

I know they aren't all the same, just curious what you have run into so far.

I only know a few FtMs and they're all gay, lol.  Which makes them good wingmen but not very good for sharing past experiences with women.

I myself, have very little dating experience in general and no experience dating as an FtM.  When I get back to the U.S. I'm looking to get started with my physical transition and started with trying to date, etc.  Part of me is excited about being able to date the people who I'm attracted to as myself, but I'm wondering if I'm being overly optimistic about the whole thing.  We'll see I guess, but in the meantime, I need data

[Dennis]

No experience dating really as an FtM. The one date I had since my marriage broke up was with a bi woman.

I know a couple of guys on here have straight partners though.

Dennis

[Mario]

Ray,
   I have only dated straight women. And am with one now. She is the only one who has ever known "the whole story" And it is much better that way. I have had top surgery recently, and that makes a HUGE difference, to both of us. What I can say is it is better to be honest about stuff. Someone will like you for you no matter how you are physically.

                                             Marco

[taylor]

Ray,
I transitioned early in life, long time ago. I have dated and did not let my medical history stop me. I am in my second marriage.
The thing with telling a woman your past is more in "how" you do it, and that you do it.  But I can say I have never been rejected based on my post trans status as a IS male by one single woman. And sex, they have always wanted more ( just telling the truth here)

Here is what is important man. You need to be real okay and secure with yourself and your manhood. As long as you get there the rest is pretty much easy if you pace the info right. 

I have never dated a gay woman even prior to transition, a few bi chicks but never a lesbian, I just have always had strait women drawn to me and aware that I was a guy without me saying a thing pre transition.  Now there is no question, but some edcuating them correctly, getting  a feel for who they are and how they view things all goes hand in hand!

After 16 yrs out here, I have seen guys that are too scared to date, and women out there are missing some good men if they guys could just see it. Women care about how their treated above all.  This is my personal experience and feelings on the matter.

I have no doubt you will do just fine!

Ask any questions you would like!

Peace
Taylor

[Scott]

Hi Ray,

I'm with Taylor on this. Most women are just looking for a good man. I've dated straight women all my life also, guess they always saw the man inside. Just be confident without being egotistical.

Even now when I date I never tell them anything at first, I just let them get to know me a little. I don't feel I have to share my history just because I'm having a cup of coffee with them. If it seems like we are hitting it off and getting closer, then I would say something.

Your best bet is to take things slow and try to get a sense of how she might feel about it.  Good luck.

God Bless,
Scott

[Nero]

Welcome Ray.
I'm pre-transition and have only ever dated bi women, so sorry, no experiences with straight women to relate.

Here is what is important man. You need to be real okay and secure with yourself and your manhood. As long as you get there the rest is pretty much easy if you pace the info right. 

I really love what Taylor has to say here.

The way I see things is, if you think you can get anyone you want (gay, straight, or whatever), then you can.
If you think that you can't get anyone you want, then you can't.

Nero

[nonie]

I'm a pre-HRT pre-op FTM, but I did the fem woman thing for a long time and I know from a lot of my friendships that girls don't care about penises *nearly* as much as everyone thinks they do.  I've had many straight women tell me they wish their partners were smaller or that they were attracted to women because penises are kinda gross, heh...  In general, girls are way more flexible about sex than guys are.  The important part to them is usually the connection, emotion, and sensuality, the plumbing and coming is not as much of an issue, which is probably also why most straight girls don't watch porn.  Women aren't as visual as men, so the looks and body of their mate are less of an issue than how he acts and how responsive he is.  Me, I'm gay, so my experience is not useful, I can just tell you what straight female friends have told me and a little of how I would have felt when I was living the straight girl life.

As far as just dating, it's not going to be a big deal, if you act like a man they will respond to you as a man.  They might even feel closer to you when you come out to them about your past, that could give them an additional feeling of trust.

[ray]

Thanks for the responses guys.

What you said is pretty much what I had expected (and hoped).  Girls do seem to care a lot less about physical things and all that stuff.

I've had a somewhat hard time getting people I know to see the difference between "really masculine girl" and "guy" though, which is why I was wondering a bit about people's experiences with acceptance from others.  It's actually kind of ironic that the acceptance I appreciated during my struggle with my identity is now biting me in the ass a bit.

Me: "But I dress, act, look, and talk like a guy.  How could you see me as a girl?"

Them: "Well there are all different kinds of girls.  You can be any kind of girl you wanna be"

Me: "But I don't *want* to be a free-thinking tomboy dyke feminist or whatever you think I am, I want to be a guy!"

Them: "What's the difference?"

And around and around we go.  I guess it's just going to take time.  I'm hoping that once I start HRT it will help with that.  I think once I have some more experiences out in the world outside my small bubble as a man, it will help me some.  Right now I'm not getting any validation of my manhood from anyone but myself and while I know I can't rely on validation from anyone else but me, it would be nice once in a while.  Some people accept that I want to be a guy but they don't really see me as a guy, they just try to use the right pronouns and stuff.  Which is nice of them, but it's frustrating when bio males get an automatic guy pass, simply for *looking* like a guy, which I do too anyway, and then I have to work my ass off just to get some people to not call me a girl, let alone call me a man.  But whatever, that's life I guess.  At least I'm not being burned at the stake.

Back on topic, I do have a bit of a personal question, which people can choose not to answer if they like.  For those of you that have dated straight women, to be blunt, what was sex like?  Like, did you strap on all the time?  Did they touch you in an intimate way or did you just touch them?  Did you show them your female parts (if you had them at the time) or keep your clothes on?

I'm sorry, I know that it's personal, so feel free to ignore, it's just that I don't really have access to any other way of getting this type of information.  And I have a (perhaps juvenile) desire to know what's "normal" before I go out and try for myself.
Posted on: October 21, 2006, 06:13:12 PMWell I read more of the rest of the site and I think I can probably answer my own question now:

Some men like stimulation of their female parts, some don't.  Some strap all the time, some don't, etc.

Which is pretty much what I knew in the back of my mind.  Ah, second puberty: Self-doubt, acne, awkwardness, and an underlying desire to feel "normal".  Heh.  I'm working on it and doing pretty well for the most part so I suppose it's ok to allow myself these brief moments of weakness ;

Thanks again guys.

Ray

[Dennis]

Ray, I'm glad you asked it. Not having got to that point on my one date, I was kind of dreading figuring out what to do then. I guess I get the 40 year old virgin title now. It feels like it to me, even though I've slept with women before, it's always been as a lesbian, which left me unsatisfied. So I dunno. I guess communication and discussing matters ahead of time would be best, which is like my worst nightmare because deep down, I'm just a grunting neanderthal drinkin my beer in my undershirt.

So if anyone has input on this, I'd love to hear it too.

Dennis