I found this thread but it was over 30 days old, so I just wanted to update the list. Shoot me if I've duplicated any...
You Might be a Red Neck Crossdresser if...
You wear tube tops with your mini, because it shows off your Harley-Davidson tattoo.
You use brake dust as eye shadow
You blacken your finger nails with a hammer for that purple shade of nail polish ...
You used red barn paint on your toe nails.
You still have a dress made from a Martha White flour sack.
You use axle grease to make your bushy eye brows lay down.
You Glue on those darn press on nails with 5 minute epoxy when you don't have time for the Titebond to set.
You Polish those scuffed black patent pumps on a buffing machine when you have run out of car wax.
You think, Why pay 9 bucks for 1 oz. of liquid makeup when for the same price you can get 8 oz. of Calamine lotion?
You figure, The hell with acetone you use nitric acid to remove your nail polish
You decide that the light weight hip waders could pass as thigh high boots with your new mini
Your new stilettos poked a hole in the floor board of your 67 Impala
You had to replace your butterfly earrings as they were beginning to decompose.
Your brother beats you up cause you cut up his fishing nets again to make stockings, and he is the sole breadwinner for the family of 35
You have to take your toothpick out to put your lipstick on.
The warning "Say No to Crack" reminds you to pull your pantyhose up.
You find if you break your whisky bottle in just the right way, the glass gives you an even closer shave
You use old sump oil as moisturizer
You use old drive belts as fashion belts
You plait the tail hair from your cattle and use it as hair extensions
You use a belt sander and an angel grinder to give your self a manicure, and after that you go to billys auto body shop and have your nails sprayed on with a spray gun.
You use a 1/2 inch nut and bolt for an earring
You have to add curlers to your wigs because you think its sexy
You use duct tape so that "things" don't fall out your Daisy Dukes with the 1 inch crotch piece
You keep all your fem clothes in the fridge on the porch.
You use Mah fav'rit scent: Eu de Barnyard.
You use an old inner tube as a corset.
You've ever used a clog as a hammer.
Your story about your night out in femme starts with "Well I got real drunk".
Your back hair prevents you from wearing anything strappy.
Your back hair doesn't prevent you from wearing anything strappy.
You've ever dressed in femme for a night out staring at the bug zapper.
You pee behind a tree while in femme.
You fix runs in your pantyhose with duct tape.
You scare your wife because you look like her mother.
You think Project Runway is a show about building an airport.
You still blow your nose on your sleeve while in femme.
You've ever looked in the mirror and ran to change, thinking it was your mom. (sorry)
You've ever made a necklace and earrings out of beer can tabs.
You've used a sander to exfoliate.
Your wig has grass burrs in it from the last time you fell off the porch while drunk.
You have a snuff can circle on the back of your femme jeans.
Your porch is littered with beer cans with lipstick marks.
You put on foundation with a putty knife.
Your kids crayons make good lip and eye liner.
Your mullet keeps you from having to buy a wig.
You've ever had highlights in your mullet.
You've ever stepped in cow manure with heels on.
You're fishin' buddy thinks your prettier than his wife.
You've ever slaughtered a hog while in femme.
Your toes stick out of your shoes, and they were closed toes to begin with.
You had a vasectomy "cuz you were fraid you'd git yerself pregnunt."
You use pink panties as a gas cap.
Your thong gets "a bit stuck" after a week or two.
Your siphoning gas got the neighbor turned on.
You look more feminine while NOT in femme.
You've cut up your new red panties to fix your broken tail light on your truck.
There's a tinge of lipstick in your tobacco spit.
You've tried to cash your paycheck at the Dress Barn.
You can't pronounce Diane Von Furstenberg.
You dry your nail polish in front of the window unit.
You get drunk, and beat up yourself.
You hang your clothes on a gun rack.
Your blouses all have pit stains.
You can cross a barbed wire fence and not get a run in your hose.
You keep your teeth bright white, by never putting them in.
You use hay to stuff your bra.
You've broken a nail while picking your nose.
You've broken a nail while scratching yourself.
You have a barbie doll as a hood ornament.
You use whole rolls of toilet paper as breast forms, "in case the need arises".
Your tree stand is painted "Hunter Pink"
And the last but certainly not the least....
The cops were called to your house for domestic violence, and they didn't know who to arrest.
