I'm adding myself to the ftm pool

[NightKoi]

I've been creeping around the forums for some amount of time and it's helped me finally decide to come out and talk on Susan's. Like a lot of people, I felt like I was a different gender on the inside since I was a very young kid. I even got spanked on multiple occasions when I was four and five years old for putting bouncy balls in my underwear. I was packing before I even knew the term.
I realized I was transgendered and wanted to have a sex change when I was thirteen. However, my parents really stomped it out of me. I was punished a lot (in ways I now know are illegal) and the impact of their abuse really left me mentally scarred. Two years away from 'home' and being 100% independent from them have done wonders and I'm feeling very confident in rebuilding the identity they unsuccessfully tried to strip me from.
___
My current situation: I'm back to dressing as my inner and proper gender...binding and packing. 
My friends and family only know me identified as a 'lesbian' even though that label never fit me. 
My fiancee of almost 3 yrs knows that I'm a transsexual and is more supportive than I ever could have hoped for. 

I have lots of questions that I can't find the answers to so I'd appreciate some feedback from the community here. Thank you.

[Janet_Girl]

Hi Nightkoi,

Welcome to our little family. Over 3600 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another brother.

And be sure to check out

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• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
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Blessed Be.
Janet

[myles]

Welcome to Susans. Ask away with your questions definitely the place to come for answers or at least opinions. I also came form the lesbian community and have a very supportive partner.
Myles

[NightKoi]

Thanks Myles.

It's good to know that there are others out there who have supportive partners too. I've read a lot ftm blogs where partners leave once the transsexualism came into the picture. So I previously had a lot of angst about coming out to my fiancee. I am very lucky to have her.

[Cairus]

NKoi, it's wonderful that you have a loving, supporting fiance, but unfortunate that your parents reacted so miserably! Your story sounds like a mixed blessing/roller coaster ride of ups and downs. I personally wouldn't consider wearing masculine clothes or binding/packing to be 'crossdressing', since you don't identify as a woman, you identify as a man. To me, (I'm an ftm guy) crossdressing is wearing a dress. Welcome to the comm, if you have any questions I'm sure one of the guys here will have some kinda answer.

[NightKoi]

NKoi, it's wonderful that you have a loving, supporting fiance, but unfortunate that your parents reacted so miserably! Your story sounds like a mixed blessing/roller coaster ride of ups and downs. I personally wouldn't consider wearing masculine clothes or binding/packing to be 'crossdressing', since you don't identify as a woman, you identify as a man. To me, (I'm an ftm guy) crossdressing is wearing a dress. Welcome to the comm, if you have any questions I'm sure one of the guys here will have some kinda answer.

My life has been somewhat of a battle but I consider the point where I'm at now worth the entire fight. I suppose you are correct in saying that I'm not a crossdresser. Personally, I don't see myself as cross dressing by wearing the clothes I do but instead the skirts and dresses like you said. However, everyone calls me a crossdresser because of my biological gender. They'll probably stop when I come out as trans to them. At least I hope so!

One question I have it the cost of T. How much does the prescription cost to get filled?
I realize there is the entire GP process and stuff, but I'm trying to isolate the different costs. 

[myles]

I get mine refilled through Stroheckers, they have an online site and ship to several states, it's about $50 for the T (excluding shipping and such). It lasts me for about 4 months or so. Not too much money.
Myles

[Cairus]

I get mine refilled through Stroheckers, they have an online site and ship to several states, it's about $50 for the T (excluding shipping and such). It lasts me for about 4 months or so. Not too much money.
Myles

Wow Myles, I didn't know that, either, and I wasn't the one asking the question! Thanks! It's nice to know that while the cost of GP/endo/therapy is pricey, that the actual script itself isn't too bad.

[Lachlann]

Welcome! It seems like you guys are coming in droves.

[Kurzar]

Heya! Glad to see more guys joining.  I'm so tired of feeling alone in how I feel. It's been nice to see others in my situation. I too have mates who are 100% behind me and it has been a definate help.

[cynthialee]

Welcome aboard good to have ya. I just have one piece of advise...Get it out of your head you are cross dressing. You are a man with an unfortunate birth defect. If you put on a skirt then you would be cross dressing.
jmho

/hugz

[NightKoi]

Yeah, I'll get that out of my head. Because you are all right. I'm not a cross dresser unless I wear a skirt or dress.  People just want to call me one. Maybe I'll edit my first post.

Thank you for the warm welcome everyone.
@myles: That's a relief....thank you for sharing that with me. It helped others too!
@Kurzar: Me too. Susan's is wonderful in that respect...to know that there are guys out there just like me....as Cynthialee put it, "with an unfortunate birth defect." It's nice. I thought I was completely alone and freakish for feeling/thinking the way I do. Now I know I'm not either of those..
@Tristan: We are. Strength in numbers I suppose. Once one person has the courage to speak up, so do others. A domino effect in a way. 

[Alex_C]

Yeah Stroheckers, my prescription costs me a bit under $60 and includes needles and stuff, get a few extras cos you'll get some dull ones lol.

T is great you'll love it.

[FlorDeLuna]

Welcome! 

[NightKoi]

Yeah Stroheckers, my prescription costs me a bit under $60 and includes needles and stuff, get a few extras cos you'll get some dull ones lol.

T is great you'll love it.

I know I will. Haha, I've already decided on how I want my facial hair. (hopefully it won't be sparse. My genetics should be on my side with that one though). I already have extremely defined muscles in my upper body currently. Can't wait to see how it'll look with T helping.

@FlorDeLuna: Thank you! 

[Jay]

Welcome to Susans brother!

Jay

[Arch]

It's good to know that there are others out there who have supportive partners too. I've read a lot ftm blogs where partners leave once the transsexualism came into the picture.

I don't want to rain on your parade, just warn you. My ex knew I was transgender for years and had no problem with it. When I started counseling to sort out my gender issues, he was fully supportive. When I said I wanted to start hormones...and when I did start hormones...well, he became less supportive and broke up with me a few months into my HRT.

I don't know your specific circumstances, but keep in mind that if you undergo physical changes, that might change the way your partner responds to you.

And on that happy note...welcome to the site!!!

[Teknoir]

Haha, I've already decided on how I want my facial hair.

Haven't we all 

Welcome to the forums.

[NightKoi]

I don't want to rain on your parade, just warn you. My ex knew I was transgender for years and had no problem with it. When I started counseling to sort out my gender issues, he was fully supportive. When I said I wanted to start hormones...and when I did start hormones...well, he became less supportive and broke up with me a few months into my HRT.

I don't know your specific circumstances, but keep in mind that if you undergo physical changes, that might change the way your partner responds to you.

And on that happy note...welcome to the site!!!

My partner and I have excellent communication with each other luckily. I talked to her and I really laid it out:
Me-"You know I'll have body hair that I didn't have before, right?"
Her--"Yep. I don't care. I find that sexy,"
Me--"And I'll eventually have a penis,"
Her--"That's fine with me too,"
She really stressed that she fell in love with my heart and just because my outside gender changes, doesn't mean I'm anyone different than the person she fell in love with. She's attracted to scruffy faces, tan skin, and muscles....  All of which I have ('cept the facial hair right now) and plan to build off of that.
I've been a lot more confident and more myself since coming out to her. She's been happier than I can ever remember her being. She calls me her hubby and our about having kids has increased. She's very excited for me.
At first she was sad because she felt like she was losing a part of her identity. The lesbian part...because I'm a man and we'd be a heterosexual couple. Then she came to realize it was just a label...and that she'd still have her same friends and community as she always had.
We talk everything through, sometimes multiple times so we have 100% clear understanding.
I came home last week and she had drawn a picture on our dry erase board of a rose and had written: "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."
I adore her.

@ Jay: Thanks man 
@Teknoir: lmao! Thank you

Post Merge: November 11, 2009, 12:23:22 PM
p.s. Arch,

I do want to thank you for the advice. I realize that things can really be put at risk with a transition like this. I'm sorry for the loss of your partner and do hope that not only you, but everyone here can find someone to spend their lives happily with. I'm not trying to be condescending by any means, I promise! I'm not the kinda guy to stand on a high horse. I just sincerely hope that people find a lasting love. I'm a hopeless romantic through and through. 

[Arch]

I do want to thank you for the advice. I realize that things can really be put at risk with a transition like this. I'm sorry for the loss of your partner and do hope that not only you, but everyone here can find someone to spend their lives happily with. I'm not trying to be condescending by any means, I promise! I'm not the kinda guy to stand on a high horse. I just sincerely hope that people find a lasting love. I'm a hopeless romantic through and through. 

Hey, thanks. I'm fine. I just wanted to make sure you were covered, and it looks like you are. Oftentimes, people don't mind the idea of something, but then when reality hits...well, you know. But it looks like you and your partner are on the same wavelength, and I'm glad of that.