So, I've come out face to face to pretty much everyone who I felt really was entitled to a face-to-face discussion except my brother (who's moved and I can't get his address or number yet) and I'd moved into some pretty overt feminine presentation even before the last week, I wanted a way to kind of "have my say" about what was going on.
I'd ran into a few girlfriends whom I'd probably said more to than they were really interested in knowing but I get the idea that people - even if they are curious - really don't want to listen to you rattle on about yourself. and there's no clear way to know if they are even curious or are just being nice.
so anyway, after I got to the place where there was no one else here in this town I wanted to tell face to face and not wanting to be rude, I was looking for a way to say "I am a transsexual" rather than just unexpectedly turning up with a bra one day.
I'd started my wife a Facebook page a couple of weeks ago and I noticed that several of the "second tier" acquaintances - people close enough to me to have an interest in me but for whatever reason not an appropriate target for a "coming out" speech were befriending her. some family members, some folks we'd been going to church with a few years ago, and etc.
So it occurs to me that if I set up a Facebook page for Laura (instead of "him") that anyone who looked at my page would have the opportunity to see the real me and a "statement" so to speak concerning the transition - and now a link to a blog where I can elaborate more.
I didn't, however, want to send friend requests to anyone because I didn't want them to feel oblidged to befriend me just to not be rude. So I tracked down an older cousin of mine who I love a lot - in fact if she lived close by she'd have been on the "face to face" list - and kind of forced her to realize who this "laura" person speaking to her really was. And told her I wouldn't push it but she could friend me if she wanted, or not (she's very religious and I wasn't sure of her reaction) - this was designed to be a first step to be visible to the other people I was thinking of - If I was on this cousin's friend list they would see me and I would find out what they would decide to do.
So, this cousin - I'll call her "Pam" - seemed to take forever to "catch on" - when she finally did send a friend request i thought she "got it" but she posted to my wall something about "having a sister" (which I don't) and said something to my wife along the lines of "having a new girl in the house"
when we got a chance to chat I finally figured out that Pam thought I was just cross-dressing on the down-low, so to speak. I told her my wife was struggling to adjust and she said "tell her to relax, it's what's on the inside that counts" which blew me away.
Was it really possible pam was going to be THAT cool with it?
When I finally got it through to her that I was changing my life, not just indulging a private hobby, her attitude changed a good bit - "Put your pants on man, think of your family" and so forth. But I pointed out to her that it was she herself who had said "It's what's on the inside that counts"
she wanted me to call her the next day and we ended the chat but I wrote her a pretty direct note telling her how much I loved her but also affirming that I knew I couldn't change her mind and she should know she shouldn't change mine.
well, the next morning when I checked my page she had posted to my wall that i should write a book about it and she'd serve as editor and agent to get it published (I tried to tell her later that there was no shortage of "my story" books by transwomen) - the striking thing being here that she seemed to have just accepted that my mind was made up so she was going to support me. We've not spoken extensively in the several days since but there's not been any more "preaching"
So, I got through that big hurdle and I have my new name in circulation.
Now, the real experiment begins - what will those who know me do when they see "Laura" in place of the man they thought they knew.
So, in the last couple of days, what should appear but a friend request from my niece (shes a sweetheart but her mom can be VERY judgmental - not in a religious sense but in the sense of thinking she knows better than everyone else) - she's the daughter of the brother I haven't spoken to about this yet.
then the next day, I get one from a woman I know through my wife's family. Not what I'd call a close friend necessarily but also not a girl I would have assumed would be among the first in line to stand with me either.
After the niece was my friend, my wife went ahead and allowed me to friend her so now, between those few friends and the classmate connections that Facebook turns up, a wide variety of people - dozens or more - who knew "him" can now see her.
I think it's going to be fascinating to watch these folks - most of them very conservative Christians - sort out what to do about me. Or rather, it will be no surprise if most ignore me but it will be fascinating if some of them do send a friend request.
It might not be a good idea for everyone, but I'm finding it a pretty solid way to "come out" in a larger way, especially now that I'm - in every practical sense - full time.
Also, from a selfish point of view, my wife is really struggling this week and I've told her that, for a limited time, if she forces me to choose to give this up or lose her and the kids, I'll quit - but that that offer won't stand for long.
(I know I know but she really is that important to me)
What I'm hoping is that the more people know the full extent of the new me, the more people that see me out and about fully dressed, the more who "hear my story" by seeing what I've posted about myself on line - the harder it will be for my wife to ask me to put Laura back in the closet.
