SO of a FtM

[Noel]

I was just wondering if anyone was a wife, girlfriend, boyfriend or husband of a FtM spouse.  My fiance is just stating his transition and we have a long history to-gether before all this.  I just wanted to see how others felt about the transition of their spouses.

We are very supportive of one another and I have a couple fears but I think we will be successful to-gether. How did everyone get through it?

[kisschittybangbang]

wow... ummm Lex and I were pretty serious, like talking about engagement and living together and what not when he told me... and I mean it's hard, but it's not gonna kill you if you both are open and don't hold things in. Communication is a must and so is being open-minded, but selfish. You have to care about them, and you have to care about yourself.

I went through this horrible grieving period where I internalized EVERYTHING and Lex internalized TONS and really we just needed to talk it out.

and we are now. and change is inevitable. I mean, it's who they are. If you want to email me, that's cool. kisschittybangbang@gmail.com

As for what to expect, Change. It's alot to take in and sometimes it seems overwhelming. Good support from people you can trust, and each other is crucial. Susans was my only realy support outside of lex. ^^

Sex may be touchy. Email or message me for more in depth, its a sensitive subject... ^^

The financial cost are crazy, but saving is a good idea.

A way that most people will tell you is a good idea is counseling. Honestly, it got to that for me and I think it's a good idea.

Wow, its such a wide topic... and looking all over this forum you find alot of information that helps. I also looked up as much as I could about transitioning...and I'm still uber naive to alot of it, especially since I've younger than alot of people on this site.

A good resource that's started up is TMatesFTM on Youtube. It is the SO perspective on alot of issues that pop up and there are tons of tips! (Like how you can be really awesome and have their STP in their purse for them when you go out in public. it doesn't sound like much, but its much better then them having to carry a medicine spoon in their pocket and it's greatly appreciated. ^^)

They also help you with how to approach dysphoria. It's a dreaded word and honestly it's the worst part about the whole journey. To see the person you love so sickened and depressed and angry about their bodies and having them being brutal about it in their own mind for sometimes weeks at a time tears at your heart, especially when you feel helpless... like there isn't much you can do about it.

Like I said, WIDE topic.... You've got my email and Susans is always here!

Welcome

[imandastar]

When Cuyler and I were first together,we immediately told everything we thought could have been a problem in the future. You can't help but to be honest. I wouldn't change a thing,Love happens exactly how it should. But communication is VERY important. I remember feeling hopeless for him,because i knew how uncomfortable it can be to feel one way on the inside,and the outside just not following. Looking back,i didn't realize how important things that were said actually were. Being a SO of a FTM is a privilage,or anyone who takes on the challenge of turning over a new leaf. And to be honest,i couldnt love him more for just being himself. Like i hope everyone else in life one day gets to be.

*Sharing the love

[NormaJean]

Lots and lots and LOTS of communication.  There are some things that you should try to not take personally.  Chances are, its not about you, just try to understand and don't try to make it about you, you will get no where fast.   

[Jakeysgirl]

I think the thing is like said many times before you need to communicate very well with them i am a so of a FTM he has not started any of the transitions yet he is still pre everything but im right along side of him for everything that he wants to do and needs somedays he just wants left alone and does not want touched but other days its wonderful but u will go thru days like that because they want to be themselves how they r and they cant be till after they get the surgerys and be able to tell there family so they have a lot of things to worry about and being with my so jake i have learned alot of this

[Smashley]

Well at first I thought it was a little weird, but then I got used to it I guess.  I realized that I love my partner for who he is and not the gender...he is the love of my life and I try to support him in every way I can

[emoglassesenvy]

actually i need advice on this topic too!

i am a straight girl who fell for a transboy, though at the time i didn't know he was ftm. he came out to me and i was shocked because i knew absolutely nothing about ->-bleeped-<-. we had been best friends for about a year, hanging out and talking all of the time.

very very surprisingly to me, when he told me i wasn't grossed out or anything. i was just impressed by his bravery to tell me~ he was still the same guy i had a crush on, just he had girls' plumbing, not that his genitals were any of my business anyway.


is there anyone out here who didn't know their transguy was... well, a transguy?

[ftmshubbie]

actually i need advice on this topic too!
...
is there anyone out here who didn't know their transguy was... well, a transguy?

Well, here's my tale. A little over 31 years ago I developed a crush on a sweet young woman. After being friends and colleagues for three years, we moved in together. Then, a year later, we were married.

Four and a half years ago he told me he's really a guy. Well, okay. I had to think about that, worry about that, learn about that, and even cry a bit about that. Then it became clear to me that if he's a guy now, well, he's always ben a guy...and the more I thought about it, the more obvious it was that it is true. So now we're two legally married guys in a state that doesn't allow legally married same-sex couples.

But love is love!

Dan, aka ftmshubbie

"Its about love, not plumbing!"

[Smashley]

Sometimes my partner gets dysphoric and he tells me just because it's like this now doesn't mean it's always gonna be this way, but for some strange reason I  seem to think it's always gonna be this even though I know it's not...I dunno what to do...does this make any sense?

[kisschittybangbang]

@smashley: I know what you mean. When my Ex and I would be together and he'd get dysphoric he was very hard to handle... and I way always thinking "this is how its always going to be" because he was the type to never be happy with himself it seemed. Now I think yeah, at some point the guys reach a point where they are comfortable in their skin...

Just wait it out. That's all I can suggest...

[Smashley]

Thanx for the advise...I do think things are starting to look up for him...he seems to be more comfortable these last couple of weeks with his body...its been really awesome...

[kisschittybangbang]

That's awesome. I'm really glad. If you want tips to make him feel more comfortable during sex I can talk about that over PM. It's just a little private.

[Smashley]

yeah sure that would be awesome...or you can add me on msn....ash_ley_337@hotmail.com

[kisschittybangbang]

Sorry I dont have MSNchat. ^^;

[ajowa]

 I've been searching for advice on a similar topic! My was girlfriend finally came out to me this week as a transguy by telling me that *he* is changing his pronouns and his name. I've been trying to do my research about transguys for a few months now since my other genderqueer friend (lets use the codename B) mentioned to me that my *boyfriend* (codename A) thought he might be FTM. I want to be supportive of A because I really love him, and I've been trying to find some sort of clarity in myself, but I'm having a really hard time. I'm worried that this changes our relationship because the name change is just the first step. I don't want this to make a difference, and I've gone through ups and downs in acceptance by telling myself that it doesn't change anything because I still love who he is. In my process to search for some support, I came across a youtube VLog about how many girlfriends don't view their FTM boyfriends as male. It hit home. The only thing that has given me some comfort so far, is that he still has the same body, which is female currently. I'm fundamentally lesbian; I love girls minds and bodies. I've heard from B that A wants to take T; which I did extensive research about. I'm worried that by taking T, A won't have the same mind I am in love with now, and I know that his body won't be. Is there any advice that anyone can give me to try and figure this out? I want to be as supportive as possible, because I don't want to be another problem to A, because his decision isn't one I want to influence. I love him so much.

[BreAnnaHammons]

My name is BreAnna and I am engaged to a FTM