Finally realizing who my friends are

[Matthew J. F]

After changing my looks from a typical long haired girl to an almost boy look I've been noticing some of the behavioral changes from a friend (not sure if I should call him that) of mine. I don't know if hes being a smartass or if I should take it as a compliment as being passed off as a male. He has corrected himself twice now for calling me a sir and it seems that his tone has a smart ass reaction to the correction. In the past he made fun of someone who was a transwoman.

He no longer calls me and he no longer replies to my txt messages, well other then wishing me a happy thanks giving, but that is all.

I was in the hospital tonight (or last night) and forgot to take off my hospital bracelet on my wrists and my friend usually shows concerns over me but this time he didn't even question it. It felt coldish. I occasionally felt like removing him friend my friends list under my legal name on facebook but then I fear of regretting it.


Has anyone else experience this during their first stage of transition?

[Lachlann]

Nope, not really.

That guy sounds like a jerk.

[Janet_Girl]

Give him a chance to show his true colors.  I had a friend that was supportive.  Then Valentine's Day came around.  I gave him a card saying 'Thank you for being my friend".  And I got in trouble for causing a hostile workplace.  He showed me his true colors.



Blessed Be
Hugs and Love
Janet

[Silver]

Hmm well I've got a friend who has commented multiple times on how I look "like a  dyke now." Not a big deal and I take it with humor since it's pretty true. My other friends don't talk to me as much (never were too close in the first place) but this is just as likely to be because of our drifting apart due to differing interests. (Different sex is another thing, teenage guys. No reason to be friends with a non-hot girl right?)

My single female friend has stopped talking to me, but I think it's mostly because she's changed. Goes with the more "girly" crowd and does some. . . erm, recreational drugs.

Yeah, I figure once I get some time with a therapist, and hopefully, hormones I'll screw with people's notions of gender until I pass. Not sure if I want to go stealth, I just don't want to be stuck in the "female box." Then make a few new friends or not. I won't talk to these people after HS anyway lol. I've only got what, like five at max now?

Well anyway, as Janet's sig says (or said if it changed) don't transition unless you're ready to (possibly) lose everything.

[Radar]

I won't talk to these people after HS anyway lol.

Yeah, that's many times true- especially if you move away. I have a few friends who are mutual friends of my husband & I, but since we're getting divorced they're on his side since he was friends with them first. Other friends I don't see or hear from much. So really the people I'm losing most are his family, which sucks but it can't be helped. Hopefully I won't lose my own family as well (even though most of them live far away).

I've been contemplating of eventually moving since the only thing keeping me here are my father & step-mom. I've pretty much lost everyone else. I wouldn't move until farther in transition- like after top surgery, name change and sex changed on my driver's license. That way when I have a fresh start somewhere it will be easier to go stealth- which is what I want.

[FolkFanatic]

That sucks - maybe he's just confused? Uncomfortable? It wouldn't be terribly strange for someone to be uncomfortable with this. Plus it's a big change to suddenly see a friend physically change so suddenly (long hair to short, for example.) I would give him some time and see what happens. Let him get used to it, don't push it, and politely ask him to stop with the smartass comments.

I was incredibly lucky - i told my closest friend last night and she was 100% cool with it. Even asked me a ton of questions (she was really keen on learning) and (to my surprise) told me "Hey, i always knew there was SOMETHING different even though i didn't know what it was!"

Couldn't have asked for a better reaction, now i just have two more close friends to go! And family... urgh.....

[fdfge]

never happened to me, but that guy does sound like a jerk. i would try and not let it get to you, although it is easier said than done ..
over the past couple years ive changed my looks pretty drastically, since then alot of lesbians and one bi girl have hit on me(which is nice but its for the wrong reasons) and ive been asked a million times if i was gay..it gets annoying but your right, its highschool and you probably wont see those kids ever again, and you'll meet new people who know you for who you want to be.

[s1ncere]

Well if you really feel coldish then I say listen to your gut feelings.
You don't need anyone who makes you feel that way.
People come and go.
Let go of fake people and make room for new people.

[tekla]

I was in the hospital tonight (or last night) and forgot to take off my hospital bracelet on my wrists and my friend usually shows concerns over me but this time he didn't even question it.

Yeah, well perhaps he is just beginning to treat you as a guy would treat most other guys.  And that ho-hum, no concern deal is part of it. Sure if you were a girl I might try to act out some concern, make a fake at a protective deal - because we know that girls like it when we pretend to care.  Other guys?  You were in the hospital?  But like you're out right?  So, what's to care about?  So about the best you are going to get out of such a deal is an expression of concern on the level of:
"Well I hope they had to hold the other guy in the hospital longer."
-or-
"Did you finally have them surgically remove your head from your ass at last?"
-or-
"So, did they give you some penicillin so that burning feeling will go away?"
or
"What happened?  You get your dick caught in your zipper again."

What they will never do is say "Oh my god, that's a hospital tag (by the way, in SF the jail tags look almost exactly the same until you read them, so guess what everyone is going to think of first?) are you alright?  Can I get you something?  You better sit down, let me get you a chair. Are you going to get better?"  That's how we deal with our moms, not our brothers.

politely ask him to stop with the smartass comments.
That's pretty much the A-Ticket for Exile from Guyville.  Without smart-assed comments we pretty much would not talk to each other at all.  Rude, crude, often disgusting comments focusing on the most base and tasteless elements of life - that's par for the course.  You don't go "Oh cut that out", you respond in kind.