I've suffered from occasional bouts of insomnia (usually just lasting a few days, and only once a year at the most) for most of my life. But in the past couple of months, it's been worse than ever.
It started as soon as I got back from Australia a month or two ago (tried to immigrate there right after getting my masters degree and all my carefully crafted plans fell through, and then lots of other bad stuff happened). I knew I was severely depressed from the unfortunate chain of bad events, feeling like a failure, culture shock upon coming back to the US, etc. I couldn't eat or sleep at all, and everyone was commenting on how tired and skinny I looked.
My family was nice enough to let me stay for 2 weeks in the city where I lived before I tried to emmigrate. Stayed in a hotel for the first week and with friends for the next one. Got to see my old doctor, who I really like. She put me on antidepressants and what she thought was the best prescription med for insomnia. The insomnia meds didn't work at all, but the anti-depressants got rid of the insomnia and loss of appetite. Once I was sleeping and eating, I felt healthy and stopped feeling so depressed.
Eventually, I felt physically and mentally healthy enough that I stopped taking the anti-depressants.
I no longer feel depressed. My appetite is back to normal. I feel like I've dealt with and gotten over the stuff that was weighing me down, and am now making new plans for the future and feeling optimistic.
But the insomnia's come back. I can't stand it. Once I succeed in falling asleep, I sleep a normal number of hours (about 7). But it's like I have anxiety about falling asleep. I get really tired, but once I turn the light out and get into bed, I start worrying about whether or not I'll be able to sleep and this keeps me awake (pretty ironic).
I've been making an effort to get more exercise, and do a better job of relaxing before going to sleep. But when it comes down to it, I can't fall asleep unless I take an OTC med like Benadryl. And this bothers me because I don't want to be dependent on sleeping pills.
I know I should talk to a doctor about this, but I know they won't be able to do anything except prescribe me something. And that doesn't solve the problem. I don't know what the problem is. I feel good about everything when I'm awake. It's only around the time I should be going to sleep that I get this anxiety, and there's no major aspect of my life that is giving me anxiety . . . that I'm currently aware of.
Long post because I am dealing with this bed-time insomnia right now, as I type this.
