How Do We Let People Know How Important the Small Courtesies Are?

[K8]

How do we let non-trans people know how important acceptance is to us?

I went out for lunch and was waited on by a young man who has waited on me for at least five years.  We've always been very friendly.  My wife and I would go in and play cribbage and drink and then order a meal.  Then I would go in alone as a bearded man.  Now I go in as Kate, today in skirt, tights and heels.  He's seen me through several transitions.

Today he said "ma'am".  I wasn't surprised but really appreciated it.  He may have said that to me before, but somehow today I just can't get it out of my mind.  Several times since then I've thought of it and almost started crying because of the kindness and acceptance that that one small word implies.

How can we let people who don't go through this know how very vital these small courtesies are to us?

- Kate

[sarahb]

Hmmm, a big tip.

[Janet_Girl]

Or the opposite, complaint to the manager.  I go to one serve station on a regular basis.  One of the girls there, who has never seen me in drab, called me "Guy" one day.  I complained to the manager, who almost went ballistic.  She put another on the register and took the gal back into the office.

Ever since then she has called me "Doll", "Hon" and even "Girl".  Sometimes money talks especially when it is backed up with the possible lose of sales and possible even someones job.


Hugs and Love
Janet

[Alexie]

All I can say is I hope one day the world will grow up and the words respect and tolerance will actually mean something.
We are all human beings, and regardless of outward control or appearance, we are all very sensitive when it comes to our inner soul being offended.
I hate to say it, but I think things have along way to go yet, before this is the case. That being said, the people that are enlightened are all the more special and I love them for it.

Alexie.

[Tammy Hope]

Well, some of you probably know of my "Facebook experiment" thread.  One of the "wild card" things I didn't expect there, or know quiet what to do with, is when someone adds you that you have no previous knowledge of or friendship with.

One of those people was the "bag boy" when I was checking out at the supermarket. It was...strange.

I was looking at a magazine when he said "how are you today Miss laura?"

Understand, no one that I haven't directly told to use that name has called me that in this town until today. But I had made mention on the Facebook page how much i appreciated when people greeted me with ma'am or whatever so I took it that he was just acknowledging that he'd seen some of the things I poseted and was trying to be kind about it.

But then when I replied he asked "Where did you get those earrings Miss Laura? I want to get my mom some"

(the earrings are simple gold hoops like you can buy anywhere)

I replied that they were just cheap dollar store things and added that yard sales and dollar stores were all I could afford and he replied "I know how that is miss Laura"

At this point I'm wondering if he's being nice, or creepy, or if he is in fact mocking me.

He managed to work in "Miss Laura" a couple more times before we got out the door.

I prefer to think the best of people but it was....strange.

[FairyGirl]

politeness is the grease on the wheels of social interactions. I'm never called sir anymore. When I'm alone it's always "ma'am", when I'm with other female friends it's "ladies". The fact is most people use those honorifics out of simple politeness- understand they would speak thus to any woman. I do of course appreciate it, and I show my appreciation by smiling and being polite in return. Say "ma'am", "sir", "please", "thank you", and "you're welcome". Smile at people. It costs absolutely nothing and makes everyone feel better.

[Claire89]

Heh, I get called sir all the time and I'm not even transitioning yet

But my friends always correct the person who calls me a guy, if they happen to be around.

[Hannah]

I have the most heartfelt, loving smile for those people. I've also got a great "I'm going to bite you" look that seems to set the strays on the right path.

[K8]

I have the most heartfelt, loving smile for those people. I've also got a great "I'm going to bite you" look that seems to set the strays on the right path.

I think I have the smile down, but I need to work on the "I'm going to bite you" look.

- Kate

[LordKAT]

At this point I'm wondering if he's being nice, or creepy, or if he is in fact mocking me.

He managed to work in "Miss Laura" a couple more times before we got out the door.

I prefer to think the best of people but it was....strange.

My sister did that at first. I asked her about it later, she said she was training herself to get it right. She gets it right now 99% of the time ad corrects others. It felt strange at the time but I do appreciate her efforts.  I am hoping the same may be true in your situation.

[Tammy Hope]

I talked to his cousin (also a FB friend) and she said he was surely just trying too hard

Both he and this cousin I'm referring to were apparently students in a class i substituted in my former life...

[sarahm]

Just reading your post Kate, I felt what you felt. I almost started crying. It's so kind of him to do that. It's so important to us all to be accepted. I've never met anyone who truly doesn't care if they are accepted or not.

=D

~SarahM

[Nero]

I talked to his cousin (also a FB friend) and she said he was surely just trying too hard

Both he and this cousin I'm referring to were apparently students in a class i substituted in my former life...

Yeah probably just trying too hard and nervous about not saying the right thing. The earring thing sounds like he was just searching for something good to say.

[Debra]

I know what you mean Kate. The other night, my wife and I went to Red Robin and when we got in, right away the waitress said to follow her and she asked what we "ladies" had been doing today. The waitress when she took our orders and kept following up with us and used "ladies" often. My wife made the comment that the waitress looked at me first to take my order when usually they look at her first. Kinda funny.

Then I went to Taco Del Mar last night and the 2 mexican guys in there were amazingly polite. They kept saying 'how are you miss?' 'you have a good day today?' etc. 'Have a nice day, Miss'. I beamed over and over =)

I really don't know if that'll ever get old. I did tip big at Red Robin (50%) but I usually tip big anyway.

[Randi]

The other day at work one of the girls in accounting was talking to someone else about me and was using feminine pronouns. When she caught what she was doing she got embarassed and quickly corrected herself. I wanted to hug her neck and tell her how happy that made me but I just went on back to work all the while smiling to myself in quiet contemplation.

Randi