Pregnancy - am I being too logical about this (or completely irrational)

[Jeatyn]

Just wanted to verbalise thoughts I've been having and get some outside perspective.

I know I want a child, I have for a good few years, before I realised all the trans stuff I was trying with my partner (now split) and it never happened.

The thought of being pregnant is....icky to me. For lack of a better word 😛 but the end result does seem worth it.

I've been told by doctors that my luteal phase is too short for me to conceive. So I would need treatment to regulate everything. I don't know what this entails, possibly female hormones? Which is obviously the LAST thing I want. But again....bigger picture...end result...blah blah.

I am wondering if I should get treatment and try and get pregnant before I start my HRT and everything so I don't miss my chance to have my own child. The waiting list is really long for HRT anyway so I don't think I would be delaying myself at all...just sort of filling the gap. Assuming the treatment and conception is fairly quick.

I feel like I'm planning a day trip rather than making a life changing decision 😛

[Janet_Girl]

There literally hundreds of children that need a good home and a loving parent.  Think about adoption or possible foster care.  You get to keep your boyish form and no female hormones.  Nom Nom.  Sorry, you would say icky.



Hugs and Love
Janet

[Jeatyn]

Adoption take years and years of checks and waiting lists and all that. I would also imagine that being trans wouldn't help the process. Foster care is nowhere near the same...it's like prolonged babysitting 😛

[Janet_Girl]

Then you would need to go the natural route.  Do you wish to put your transition on hold?  And then you can be like Thomas Beatty (sp).  You just need to find a supplier.



Hugs and Love
Janet

[myles]

If you really want to give birth to a child, have the funds to support a family then go ahead and do it. Just know that the child will take up every waking moment for the first 3 years so your transition will definitely have to wait. If not you will have a hard time trying to balance an infant and a transition, they are both pretty emotionally and financially draining. But both worth it in the end. I know there is a transguy on you tube here in the states and he and his wife/partner have foster kids and I think adopted at least one of them (not sure on that part).
Andrew

[Jeatyn]

Seeing as I'm relying on NHS my transition is on hold anyway. Apparently the waiting list to even see a consultant is about 9 months (coincidence?  ) and I haven't even managed to get a referral yet. If I was able to get T RIGHT NOW I would just do it, and worry about kids later. Seeing as I have this gap to have my own child before I screw with my body it's made me seriously consider it. ...and I already have a supplier

Also, I thought I would look up adoption stuff just to see, and I have a bunch of things working against me. Looks like I'd be talking maybe 5 years before I could even be put on a waiting list. Then it says it can be between 3-10 years to get a child. That's insane 😛 I'd much rather be a young parent. Considering there are so many kids waiting I'm surprised it's that difficult.

[Claire89]

I have the same sort of problem too, as I'd love to have my own child, but going through all the pregnancy and stuff seems icky to me too

[sarahm]

I personally don't wish to have children of my own. I would be more interested in Adoption (So long as I had a partner) to try and give a chance to a kid that needs hope.

[Evan]

My mother actually suggested this to me. Why not freeze your eggs? If you have a sperm donor you could even go so far as to freeze your embryos. Don't know how much this would cost you.. it would allow you to not only become a parent at a more convient age, but also go through transitioning now. You could then have your partner carry the child, or go off T (like Thomas Beatie) and carry the child yourself. Or if you're so inclined even have a surrogate carry the child. Personally I think I'm going to go with adoption. The weight time (here in the states anyways) only seems to be determined by your own selectiveness.

[Kurzar]

I'm being pulled two ways on wanting kids. I would like to be a dad and i'm not interested in adopting. I want my own kids, not someone elses and the adoption process is rediculous.  I really can't see me being pregnant and I tried for some time when I 1st got together with my hubby and  nothing happened.  I've also been with our BF a few times (he still lives out of state) and nothing happened with him yet either. I'm 34 so if I am gonna do it it has to be soon or I feel like i'm to old.

I guess in the end i'm scared I'll wind up alone if something happens to my guys and then I definately wont have a reason to keep going.

[Jeatyn]

Freezing would still require me to put transition on hold, seeing as it costs a bloody fortune. So I'd have to save for that first, and have to go through the female hormone stuff - and as far as I know, it's not particularly successful either. So it's a crap load of money and annoyance for a huge "maybe"

Surrogacy seems an awesome option at first thought, but the control freak in me hates the idea of putting my eggs in somebody elses basket 😛 how do I know they're taking care of themselves and subsequently my baby. This probably also costs a crapload of money.

[CodyJess]

Sounds like something to seriously consider. You don't want to transition, only to find out you're incapable of having children after taking T for x amount of time, and end up regretting it and possibly hating your transition for preventing you from having a kid.

If your transition is more important than having your own birth-child with your own genetics, then you may seriously consider adoption; despite it's shortcomings.


Personally, if I got pregnant I'd probably flip out and try to carve it out of myself. The entire concept of having some kind of parasite growing inside of my body is just way too creepy. 

[Jeatyn]

oh I know, it's a horrifying idea, especially the actual birth part

I'm trying to sort of blank all that part out of my head and just focus on the "I get a baby at the end" part

because once I'm in it, I can't turn back (well in theory I can, but I definitely wouldn't) so I'd just have to deal with it

and hope I didn't lose too many friends by the end of it due to being a hormonal wreck 😛

[myles]

Freezing eggs, surrogate and adoption can all be pretty expensive, but compared to the cost of raising a child they are a drop in the bucket. Just be very aware about the cost of  raising children, I have two and am constantly shocked at the amount of money spent.  I totally understand the timing thing. I always wanted to have kids when I was 30 in the end ended up adopting when I was 30 so it worked out. But once you have your mind set on it you just do it.
Good Luck on whatever you decide to do.
Andrew

[tekla]

I'm down with Myles here.  They are insanely expensive, even when done on the cheap.  Particularly for the first one.  The only thing more insane then the money deal is the time factor.  They tend to want all of it, and then some.