Androgynous Appearance

[Britney_413]

I haven't technically begun transitioning yet as I still haven't seen a gender therapist or taken any hormones. However, I am out to just about everyone as transgender or at least a crossdresser and my appearance does seem to be getting androgynous. In a way I kind of like it but at the same time I feel like I'm eventually going to have to "jump" to the other side. It seems to clearly be a progressive thing where in each way I get a bit more feminine, I know I'm not stopping or reversing it.

For instance, I used to keep my hair short and wear wigs but then started growing it out. It got long enough that I quit wearing the wigs when out but also started combing it in a more feminine way and I know I'm not going to be cutting it. Things seem to be moving faster now, however. I have occasionally worn girl platform shoes to work and other places as well as some blouses. This has attracted quite a few stares and comments but more out of the curious type than the hateful type. I also had my fingernails done a few days ago in a soft pink color which has been attracting attention.

It feels like I am kind of in limbo though because I get that impression that in public people may not know at first if "is that a boy or a girl?" and then later wonder why a "guy" is wearing feminine clothes and painted nails. I don't care that much what strangers think as long as they aren't bothering me but this is becoming a bit consuming. Basically, it is obvious that nothing can be reversed if I am to remain happy. If I cut my hair it will only be cut enough to style it more feminine. If I get rid of the nail polish, it will only be to change the color. I have not bought men's clothes in a while and I just can't see myself buying men's shirts or jeans. At the same time, I feel like if I can get away with wearing girl shoes and a girl's shirt to work one or two times that I might as well just start doing it all the time.

Regardless, I'm still hesitant to just take that "leap" right away and go full time with bras, fake breasts, makeup, etc. 24/7 but I feel like I'm already over the 50% line if that makes sense. Any thoughts? Thanks, Britney

[K8]

Brittany, I kind of did it that way.  I came out to everyone, including my counselor.  I started mixing in some feminine clothes – nothing too radical.  I came out to my hairdresser, and she immediately gave me a woman's haircut and talked me into covering the gray.  I got a manicure (but no colored polish for me, thank you – that isn't my style).  I was "sort of" full time.

Well, being "sort of" full time isn't being full time.  So I just leapt off the cliff and went full time.  I went around town as Kate and then went home and gathered up all my male clothes for donation.  I think the only real difference was that I no longer wear men's clothes, wear a bra every day, never use a men's restroom (),and I correct people when they call me by the wrong name. 

Sure, I didn't pass very well in the beginning, and I elicited a few raised eyebrows.  People were a little unsure of what was going on.  But after being full time for a while everyone has gotten used to – including me.

For me, I had to tell everyone I knew that I was going to do it before I did it.  I didn't want to surprise too many people.  It worked pretty well for me, but – as always - YMMV.

It sounds to me like that's the road you are taking.  Happy traveling.

- Kate

[Britney_413]

Thanks, Kate. It does seem like I'm taking the more gradual approach vs. the sudden one. Perhaps it just makes it easier when coming out to people to let them get used to your gradual changes vs. one day you are a man and the next a woman. Several people I know clearly can tell differences, though. When I dress as a boy, I still am just not the man I once was. I have pink nail polish, long hair styled feminine and even when wearing guy shirts and guy jeans, there is definitely an androgynous look. The good news is that I am out to most people but I guess there is a saying called "talking the talk is not the same as walking the walk." It is one thing to tell someone you are trans and another thing when the next day they see a complete 180 on your outward appearance. I'm just taking a day at a time.

[Autumn]

*shrug* Don't backslide. Don't confuse people.

I've been doing what you're doing since shortly after I turned 21. I'm about to turn 24. The first half year was just a tight pair of girls' jeans that I made my primary pants. Over the summer I got a girlfriend who kept trying to get me to get clothes. And I hated the mens' styles and the colors (obviously.) So, as it would turn out, mens Small was too big for me anyway so I went with womens small/xsmall and it worked great. And she was really turned on that i looked like a rockstar with ridiculously tight shirts and pants and fancier style cuts. Lotta back and forth from her on "you look like a girl! your nails when you grab my breasts makes me feel gay. I'd go lesbian for you. You should have been a girl. Your boys' underwear looks like girls underwear. God you have a cute butt." (it was actually mens' underwear... I suggest Life brand bikini/string bikini, at walmart.)

But from that tangent, I started androgynously crossdressing everywhere in the months after that, work, school, constantly - so that it wouldn't shock people to see me in baggy mens' ->-bleeped-<- one day and tight, tailored cuts the next. And I had an 'oops' phase where I had poor taste in everything. But that happens growing up, girl. I got the advice from someone here that people have a harder time adjusting to 'the new you' when there's a drastic difference, so I wanted to incorporate people who were comfortable with me being less than male to begin with into my life.8

But as time has worn on, I pierced my ears, started using womens' hair accessories (I always had long hair, I didn't know what to do with it though), womens' shoes fit better anyway, and it gave me a much better rapport with the women at work while most of the men were pretty oblivious after a while. I used to get advice on how to be manlier, but having been there so long they're just used to me.

The downside is now that customers almost always ma'am me and my coworkers don't get it. That's the disadvantage of easing into it slowly. We'll see how actually transitioning at work goes.


*The friends I have IRL from years ago prior to transition have the hardest time seeing me as female, whereas friends I've met recently or who haven't seen me since before HRT, have a much, much easier time of it or say they could never picture me male. Always better to start as soon as possible.

[barbie]

Although crossdressing of being transgender is not any kind of wrongdoing, I had to do something in compenstation for that. I forgive people more easily, smile more, listen to others more. Nowadays, people at my workplace say like my personality is better than what I look  They are now indifferent to my long hair and fashion, but some guests visiting here sometimes study me, later asking about me.

When I expect that some people would be surprised or gave some comments on my new fashion item, surprisingly or disappointedly, they do not notice it, making no comment. I once complained that nobody is now interested in my appearance, urging me to wear bolder and bolder fashion items  .

But, in overall, I should restrain myself depending on the case, as I should deal with various people: students, scholars, researchers, businessmen, administrators, politicians, teachers and other parents. For example, for meeting or lecture, I sometimes wear men's formal suit with neck tie. Only when I am with my old or very close friends, I can freely wear what I want.

Barbie~~