Clothes and Parents

[FolkFanatic]

Okay, for those of you not yet out to the parents how do you deal with the wardrobe aspect of the transition? As we all know, big part of the transition is physically presenting as your gender (which requires "male" clothing.)

How do you deal? How do your parents react when you ask them for "male" clothing?

At 21 you'd think i'd be able to buy my own clothes... but i'm in college, so not much money. I'm saving by living with my parents - our deal is i do chores and get good grades and they'll provide the housing/food/clothes.

I'm not out, won't talk to them until AFTER the holidays. I earn very little during holiday jobs, most of it goes into my dog or car.

My problem is that we generally do out "shopping" together or they'll give me money and i go myself. They don't REALIZE what clothing is "male" once it's on me but they do ask to see what i got. If i show them in the middle of shopping, they refuse to pay for it unless i argue in the middle of the store or sneak it in.

VERY frustrating.

And yes, i'm looking to move out soon. Again, very little money. I just need suggestions now so i can wardrobe overhaul soon.

Add - Also looking for suggestions on "gender neutral" outfits for "special occasions." My mom wants to do a "family photo" and somehow i don't see them allowing me to wear a "suit" of any kind. ((Something tells me she wants "cute". *gag*))

[Matthew J. F]

Hey Bro
Yeah I understand how you feel regarding to parents and getting male clothing.

What I suggest you to do is to explain to your parents that the clothing that you've once worn is no longer comfortable for you and that you are wanting to try out new type of clothing.

Money is very tight with me too. I'm 26 years old and still feel like a trapped prisoner of the parents!!!! I am unable to get a job at this time because I become overly stress to the point that it starts triggering certain issues that I have. I also have to depend on my father to "buy" things for me. it gets pretty fricken annoying after awhile. My father often tells me 'what are you going to use that for?" and "why are you buying this" I could only imagine what my father would ask and say if I ask him to buy me a STP packer.. he will probably look at me like if I became insane.

Lack of money = prisoner, no freedom.

[DamagedChris]

Gender neutral, acceptable...straight black pants, loose straight-leg fit, with a plain, loose-fitting blouse/dress shirt. Pastels will look more feminine imo, but something powder blue or pastel lavender in a men's cut might appease their want of a "daughter" while still allowing you to be comfortable.

When I was living at home I would just ask for money to do my own shopping, then if my parents gave me hell about it I would just say "men's pants are more comfortable". I generally just bought Tshirts for shirts anyway.

[LynnER]

Some doctors have an aversion to injections period, even on the MtF side. My current doc took me off injections because he was afraid of there "side effects" and put me on pills (I have a heck of a gripe there but wont go into that here) Other reactions she could be speaking about are the risk of infection at the injection site, hitting and damaging a nerve or nerve cluster, or hitting an artery. But if you know what your doing and are careful there should be no issue there.

[FolkFanatic]

I could only imagine what my father would ask and say if I ask him to buy me a STP packer.. he will probably look at me like if I became insane.

My dad would fall over in shock.... mostly for the packer part. "You're a girl, you don't need one of *those* (in reference to the dick)" Then i would yell at him, he would yell at me, and it would all come flooding out.... 

I told them about STP devices though (broached the topic just to see) and they (surprisingly) agreed that STP devices in general where a good thing - no more sitting on nasty toilets and much more sanitary!

They're the kind of people, though, who believe girls should wear "girls" clothes and guys should wear "guys" clothes. When i do try for clothes my mom throws a fit in the middle of the store. No joke. Loud and obnoxious.

"Oh, does it HAVE to be guys stuff (my response: well, no, but i like these and they're more comfortable)? Why not that nice vest over there, it looks the same(my response: i don't like button up, prefer zipper, not the same)they have green and pink tee shirts and other colors, not just boy colors (my response: mom, i've always hated pink and there is no such thing as "boy" versus "girl" colors)... oh but it won't fit right (my response: here, look, fits nicely and isn't tight upstairs like those other ones).. but it looks bulky (my response: all vests this style do)... "

No joke, we hashed it out like that in the middle of the store.

I've used the "more comfortable" excuse and it works for jeans (sort of - it's near impossible for me to find ANY jean that fits right, and the only ones that do ARE "mens" so they don't really have a choice lmao.)

Still can't get a good "excuse" for general tops though....

[insanitylives]

I've reasoned that because of my size, i can't find womens clothing that fits, and I don't like my tits on display for everyone and their pedophile uncle to see.
(Yeah. swimsuit shopping is fun (NOT))

you could try that logic, unfortunatly it only works if you're (a)taller (5'7+), (b)broad, or (c)have annoyingly large moobs.


And yes, this works (for the most part..once in awhile my mom wants to get me into slutwear like "all the other girls") on my conservative christan parents, who are blisfully ignorant that their oldest is anything but their "little baby girl"

[FolkFanatic]

I've reasoned that because of my size, i can't find womens clothing that fits, and I don't like my tits on display for everyone and their pedophile uncle to see.
(Yeah. swimsuit shopping is fun (NOT))

you could try that logic, unfortunatly it only works if you're (a)taller (5'7+), (b)broad, or (c)have annoyingly large moobs.


And yes, this works (for the most part..once in awhile my mom wants to get me into slutwear like "all the other girls") on my conservative christan parents, who are blisfully ignorant that their oldest is anything but their "little baby girl"

Well, i do have "annoyingly large moobs"..... VERY hard to bind. Hmm.... could try that one.

Swimsuits are a drag - i wear shorts with a rashguard top and they don't fuss about that. I use my weight as the advantage - i just say that i look fat in a "regular" swimsuit lol.

[insanitylives]

Be prepaired for "but womens clothes are cut for breasts".(fine.. they are...TO ACCENTUATE THEM  )
Easiest retort.. "yes, but when the buttons are popping open, it's just slutty".

[notyouraverageguy]

Lack of money = prisoner, no freedom.

Agreed.

Its hard for me to find a job as well, and im living under their roof right now. It sucks when you're not independent and can't support yourself. Having to depend on others isn't what I wanted at this point in my life.

[Teknoir]

Is there no way you can get the money, and go out shopping on your own?

I've always worn mens clothing so I don't really know how to break the news.

Maybe you should go into a long winded discussion with them on every piece of clothing you want to buy. Don't give in. Eventually they've got to get sick of it, right?

When they suggest female clothes, tell them it's just not your taste, you wouldn't wear them, and it's a waste of money.

Keep wearing your men's stuff well past the point of holes.

I think you've got to be firm. You're old enough to be dressing yourself.

[tekla]

You're old enough to be dressing yourself

You are old enough to dress yourself, when you make the money to buy the clothes yourself, living on your own helps too.  At the point where you are still living at home, and your parents are forking over the bucks, well, he who pays the piper calls the tune.

[Evan]

The hell of being dependent. This is why I got a job at 15.. are you sure there is nothing you can do to generate some income? Might sound kind of drastic, but I even sold my plasma for a while to keep myself afloat. The $220 I was making on that alone monthly was worth it for my independence. I still remember my Dad saying how he wouldn't have his daughter dress like a biker dyke.. but even he came around (he's my biggest supporter now). It sounds like you need to just keep "fighting" it out with them, while trying to gain your financial independance until you feel that you can come out. Remember though, parents always know when somethings up. I found out the other day from my mom that my parents had talked out the possibility of all this going on with me in the future as young as 6. We fought every step of the way still, but parents always know before you do. Maybe it would save you the trouble if you just told them, or feel them out to see where they stand.

[CodyJess]

Wear only what you're comfortable in, ditch the rest, and if they don't like it they can suck it. If all they'll buy you is women's clothing, don't get any new clothing.

My mother 'you're a girl, you should dress like one'-d me into nearly starving myself to death, before I understood why I didn't like my body, and why I didn't want my tits and ass on display to the world.

Take whatever tiny amount of money you do have for yourself, and use that to buy new clothes if you genuinely need them. Otherwise, learn to live with one or two pairs of pants and only two or three shirts; if that's all you've got that you're comfortable in.


As for looking formal, for photographs... I have a women's blouse that's still my favorite article of clothing. When I bind, it looks fantastic. Gauze-y white material, hand-carved buttons, beautiful black embroidery up the sleeves. It makes me feel like a matador Just because an article of clothing is meant for females, doesn't mean you can't feel good wearing it. Take your time and keep an open mind, you might find something you really like.

[myles]

Is there any chance you can get a job on campus or something, even a part time job. They can't say what you do with your money but can control what they do with theirs. I know I started working really young 14 and buying most of my own stuff then. If no chance at a job until you move out then I think just hanging on for now may be the best you can do. For cheap thrift stores are a great place to get men's stuff, Goodwill and so on or garage sales.
Myles Andrew

[notyouraverageguy]

Oh and...



Okay, for those of you not yet out to the parents how do you deal with the wardrobe aspect of the transition?
I've been wearing boys/mens clothing since I was little. Grew up as a tomboy and never rly liked girls clothes. No matter how hard my mom tried to make me get interested in them, I just did it to please her. Didn't start wearing mostly mens clothing all the time til about a few years ago. And to this stay she still tries to says oh this is cute, how about this. I just give her a look like are you crazy lol. And the fact that they know I like girls helps me to be me and for them to semi "understand" it.

As we all know, big part of the transition is physically presenting as your gender (which requires "male" clothing.)

How do you deal? How do your parents react when you ask them for "male" clothing?
Now I just buy it, or my best friend buys it for me. And I don't care what they think. But they wouldn't react badly, they'd just try to make me prefer girl stuff.

At 21 you'd think i'd be able to buy my own clothes... but i'm in college, so not much money. I'm saving by living with my parents - our deal is i do chores and get good grades and they'll provide the housing/food/clothes.

I'm not out, won't talk to them until AFTER the holidays. I earn very little during holiday jobs, most of it goes into my dog or car.

My problem is that we generally do out "shopping" together or they'll give me money and i go myself. They don't REALIZE what clothing is "male" once it's on me but they do ask to see what i got. If i show them in the middle of shopping, they refuse to pay for it unless i argue in the middle of the store or sneak it in.

VERY frustrating.

And yes, i'm looking to move out soon. Again, very little money. I just need suggestions now so i can wardrobe overhaul soon.

Add - Also looking for suggestions on "gender neutral" outfits for "special occasions." My mom wants to do a "family photo" and somehow i don't see them allowing me to wear a "suit" of any kind. ((Something tells me she wants "cute". *gag*))
Try jeans, regular shoes, and a button up that looks feminine.