Conversation with my mum about me being lesbian vs ftm

[Aussie Jay]

OK, so I am looking if anyone can help me out with explaining what my mum was trying to get across to me... We were discussing how she feels about this whole transition thing and as I have stated before my folks are really supportive, but she said to me today that me telling her I am trans was a lot easier to accept and understand than when I told her I was lesbian.
I didn't get to explore why and get an explanation unfortunately and can't stop thinking about it now - why?? I can't even fathom some far out idea of why and wondering if any of you guys out there can help me out??
Any bros had a similar experience?? Sisters please share too...
Cheers in advance,
Jay

[Lachlann]

People just view it from different angles. They grasp things from different views.

Maybe you could discuss it with her later.

[Aussie Jay]

Cheers yeah its obviously a conversation I'll need to have at some stage... Just curious if anyone had any sort of similar responses from friends or family after coming out... Then coming out again.

[LordKAT]

Maybe...Being born with a birth defect like being trans is ok but in her mind, same sex relationships are not kosher. Since your trans, you can't be a lesbian. At least in her thoughts perhaps.


DISCLAIMER:I'm not good at reading minds much less the mind of someone I've never met, seen nor conversed with.

[Arch]

I've heard this from other FTMs. Their parents prefer a straight trans child to a gay cisgender one. It's kind of weird to me, but I can sort of get it. Sort of.

[Nero]

My Mom didn't come out and say that exactly but I know that's how she feels. She was more disturbed by the fact I'd been with women than the fact I'm trans. In her case, it's due to religion. It's easier for her to see being trans as something I had no choice in.
Dad's the same way.

[FolkFanatic]

Because being a lesbian means you are a female with a female - you outwardly show as "different." It's easy to recognize a lesbian couple (if they want to be, of course). Being trans means you look and identify as male - so you aren't "technically" a lesbian.

That's how i would interpret.

My parents know i don't "discriminate" based on gender - i won't cut out one half of the population just because they're MY gender. When i fully transition i WILL keep that ideal. I could end up with a male or female partner - when i finally decide it's the right time to start looking.

And THAT is where MY dad will blow a fuse. Right now he blissfully ignores that fact about me (and will continue to do so unless i bring someone home.) Not only will he be losing his "baby girl" (in his mind, though in reality his CHILD won't be going anywhere) but his "baby girl" will be a transsexual homosexual (or a homosexual transsexual - take your pick.)

Fun times ahead... 

[Evan]

I got the same talk from my grandmother. Something to do with I'll blend in better with accepted society once I completely transition. Then again your mom might just have taken it like mine and figured "well she's gay, now she's going to be a he, how much worse can it get?". Either way, atleast you're fortunate enough to have accepting parents right?

[Aussie Jay]

Thanks for the replies all. I guess yeah the big picture is - they're still talking to me! Was just trying to get my head around what she meant. I definitly get the whole - oh what now sort of mentality!! You know your gay, now trans - not much worse sort of thing!
I spose lesbian = completely different to 'normal' in her view. Whereas trans, although not 'normal' = people will not know unless told... I dunno 
Cheers again
Jay
NB: Sorry I'm not using the word 'normal' like it's better or anything like that, hope I'm not offending anyone - remember I'm ftm too!

[myles]

my mom said the same thing. I came out as a lesbian over 20 years ago she lost it. I had to move out and work full time my last year of high school in order to support myself. Trans she got over really quickly and when I ask why the different reaction she just said its easier to deal with, would not elaborate.
Andrew

[CodyJess]

telling her I am trans was a lot easier to accept and understand than when I told her I was lesbian.

I'm hoping this is how things will go down with my own mother. When I told her I was a lesbian, she was very plain and accepting. Came back to me over a week later, and told me she'd done her research, that it probably wasn't my choice, and that she was ok with it. (Very Christian)

The idea that Transsexual-ness is much easier to accept as 'not being a choice' can plausibly make it more acceptable to the sort of people with whom homosexuality would be a problem.

[DamagedChris]

Oddly enough, my mother actually took me being trans badly...but once I admitted I was bi, she was fine with the trans thing. It was like me being bi "validated" being trans for her.

[myles]

I think my mom took the lesbian thing as all about sex where to her trans is about gender and that is easier for her to think about.
Based on what she has said t me  in the past she sees being a lesbian as a choice and all about sex and I wonder if she sees trans as a birth defect (meaning I was born with the wrong parts)? Not sure will be interesting to see how it all plays out over the next 20 years.
Andrew

[Radar]

Based on what she has said to me in the past she sees being a lesbian as a choice and all about sex and I wonder if she sees trans as a birth defect (meaning I was born with the wrong parts)?

While I personally don't believe that sexual preference is a choice either, it is true we were born in the wrong sex's body. It's scientifically believed that ->-bleeped-<- happens while in the womb.

[Arch]

Some parents feel very strongly that there are biblical injunctions about homosexuality but none against sex change. I mean, I think there might be one passage about cross dressing or something like that...but the ancients don't seem to have anticipated sex change.

[Silver]

Some parents feel very strongly that there are biblical injunctions about homosexuality but none against sex change. I mean, I think there might be one passage about cross dressing or something like that...but the ancients don't seem to have anticipated sex change.

The ancients didn't see such a problem with homosexuality (well, male bisexuality to be exact) either.

[Teknoir]

Wow... interesting. I didn't think it was this common to disclose sexual orientation before gender.

Seems I'm the odd guy out!

I don't think cis people can ever really seperate sexual orientation and gender identity. I also suspect in the minds of many cis people - once you don't conform to the hetronomitive, you don't conform (and it doesn't matter how - all they think is "different").

I'm thinking they just react badly with the first disclosure out of shock-horror-probe that you don't conform. The later disclosure (ie, a change in how you don't conform) must seem a pretty moot point to them once they've dealt with your non-conformity.

Then again, if I knew what went on in people's heads - I'd write cleverly crafted slightly incomplete pop-psychology books under the pen name of Captain Obvious and make craploads of money. I'm currently broke - so this post is probably way off the mark  .

[Arch]

The ancients didn't see such a problem with homosexuality (well, male bisexuality to be exact) either.

Yes, that's why I said that some parents feel that the Bible condemns homosex. From what I've read, even that document's (supposed) anti-gay passages aren't what people think. And then there are other ancient cultures that weren't based on the Old and/or New Testaments...

[Luc]

My mom still thinks I'm a lesbian, despite the fact that I dig guys more than chicks and look, for all intents and purposes, like a dude. Go figure.

Oh, and she thinks lesbians are reprehensible, based upon her adherence to what are probably mistranslations of Biblical verses. Gotta love extremists.

SD

[Lachlann]

Some parents feel very strongly that there are biblical injunctions about homosexuality but none against sex change. I mean, I think there might be one passage about cross dressing or something like that...but the ancients don't seem to have anticipated sex change.

That clothing thing had to do with the fact that men would dress as women so they wouldn't have to go to war and vice versa.

Lot's of things in the bible aren't really about what we've been told. For instance, 'man' can also be a term used for 'child' and since there was a big pedophilia problem back then, it's likely a lot of passages condemning homosexuality are in fact about pedophilia, which would make a lot more sense.