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Hitting a wall: work

Started by logicallisa, December 20, 2009, 11:53:05 PM

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logicallisa

Hello,

I've been moving along at my own pace for some time now.  I've started seeing a gender therapist (I can't begin to describe how much that has helped me) and a few other things to get me going in the right direction.

So far everything seemed to be going surprisingly A-OK.

Up to this point my naive little brain had this plan: continue on the path of transition until its to the point when i would HAVE to tell work.  Then put in my two weeks, get a job, move and continue living life... but this time on my terms (as a woman)

However, my therapist strongly recommend that I transition on the job.  I can see the benefits to doing this (gained experience in the work place living as a woman, etc).  Going into work that day I felt sick to my stomach every time I walked by someone.  I couldn't help but think the worst as I pondered how they would react.  But then it also hit me (like a pile of bricks): what if I cannot get a NEW job as a woman?

So on one hand I can transition at work.  On the other, I can just get a new job.

I've moved five times in the past four years (four different states), so moving is no biggie for me.  Usually moving for me has been for work, but sometime for a change of scenery. I only planned to live where I live now for two years (I have been here for two years as of this month) so I am already overdue to move again.

I fear that getting a new job with a ``fresh start'' might not be the most mature plan in the entire world.  But I also can't bare the thought of dealing with office people who `knew' me as a man.  And to be honest... I know I shouldn't feel this way... but I just don't want to inconvenience everyone and make them have to deal with me.

So what are your thoughts?  Has anyone who has tried either approach (new job VS transitioning on current one) have any advice?

yours,
~Lisa
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Audrey

With transition I felt that it was more important to maintain the steady employment and transition on the job.  Hasn't been a problem really as the turnover is pretty big here.  Theyre more concerned with keeping employees than gender status. 

Also staying where the management etc knows your (hopefully) good track record from the past will help you, bare minimum keep your job.

Getting a new job you run the very likely risk of being exposed anyhow so the question is do you want that to happen around strangers or trusted coworkers who may be more supportive than you realize.
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DamagedChris

advice....while transitioning and still getting used to things, keep your current job. If you have not gotten a name change, started hormones and let them have a good long while to work, feel awkward in social circles presenting as a woman, etc...don't quit and hope to find one that will accept someone openly trans.

I told certain people at my work...namely, my boss and managers. Everyone else I didn't. They'll figure it out sooner or later and meh, my boss' job to keep the peace and keep people working, and me telling everyone would just disrupt and shine a spotlight on me. Of course, YMMV, you might have an office job that a mass-mailing or whatnot is preferable. Either way, transitioning on the job could also give you experience you need as well as present you in a "worse case scenario" deal...there's no guarantee even if you changed jobs that everyone will see you as bio female, even after years of surgeries and hormones, so it would be a good thing to see if you even have the skin to take someone who knows of your trans status.

After I get my documents changed, have top surgery and have been on T for a good long while (at least long enough to where the big changes won't happen as quickly or noticeably) I will keep my current job and search for one under my new name. No one at my new work needs to know I am trans, unless the hiring person inquired why my past jobs were under <femalename> (unlikely as well as I'm going to finish college under my new name and my current work has no relevance to my sought after field).

So in a way, I'm going to do both. I am transitioning on the job, then when the time and opportunity is right, I'll find something that is better suited for me. Also, I would never, EVER put two weeks in (especially in this economy) unless I had some other offer in hand or the job was a threat to my health.
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logicallisa

Quote from: Christian >.> on December 21, 2009, 12:32:40 AM
So in a way, I'm going to do both. I am transitioning on the job, then when the time and opportunity is right, I'll find something that is better suited for me. Also, I would never, EVER put two weeks in (especially in this economy) unless I had some other offer in hand or the job was a threat to my health.

I like the idea of doing both, but part of me wants to take the easy way out and not deal with my current job.  I work an an office, and already feel a bit out of place as it is.

I would never leave my current job with out first securing a job somewhere else.

One thing that worries me is that I never finished college (meh) so references to past jobs are all I have going for me... *sigh*

~Lisa
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DamagedChris

Added bonus of you transitioning on the job...your current employer might be awesome and give you a reference for later jobs in your new name, possibly without even mentioning your previous. Which would make getting that new job that much easier.

I thought about just quitting and restarting, but as my documents aren't in order and the current economy is piss poor, I was afraid people might not look at me for jobs because I would be a hassle later on when I did get all my stuff changed and ready to go. Besides, transition is expensive as hell; I need all the financial stability I can get while seeing this through.
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Robyn

New job?  Well, maybe in a couple of years. I wouldn't throw any job away in this environment.

And if you go to a new USA job before surgery, know that you will be outed to HR by the Social Security Administration due to not being able to change your SS gender marker as a preop.

It is probably a good time to purchase a book about transitioning on the job.  The author I'm familiar with is Janis Walworth, whose books can be found on Amazon.com.  My HR rep used the first book when I transitioned at work in 1998. Eleven years later, I'm still on the payroll and have been the Project Manager of our Navy contract twice.

Robyn

Transsexual-Workers-Employers-Janis-Walworth
Working-Transsexual-Coworkers-Janis-Walworth
When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly. — Patrick Overton
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Flan

Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.
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jesse

no advice as im still tossing this one around myself bleh lol
jessica
like a knife that cuts you the wound heals but them scars those scars remain
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rejennyrated

I never had to face this one myself but I would imagine that staying where you are, and where you have a proven track record, may pay dividends in the first instance. The fact that they (presumably) value your hard work and loyalty will buy you at least some allowance.

If you are owed some loyalty by your employer they will more likely tell anyone trying to stir things up to step into line! Where as at somewhere new, if one of your new colleagues spots you and decides to make an issue, then you instantly potentially become seen as the new trouble maker and it may be felt easier to simply get rid of you. Brutal I know - but that's the way companies often work... take the easiest path.

If I was facing this issue I would play it like this: I would transition and do my RLE test and waiting time at my established employer (unless they proved to be hideously unhelpful) and then, after SRS was complete I would move to somewhere new for a fresh start.

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logicallisa

Quote from: Robyn on December 21, 2009, 01:21:50 AM
New job?  Well, maybe in a couple of years. I wouldn't throw any job away in this environment.

And if you go to a new USA job before surgery, know that you will be outed to HR by the Social Security Administration due to not being able to change your SS gender marker as a preop.

It is probably a good time to purchase a book about transitioning on the job.  The author I'm familiar with is Janis Walworth, whose books can be found on Amazon.com.  My HR rep used the first book when I transitioned at work in 1998. Eleven years later, I'm still on the payroll and have been the Project Manager of our Navy contract twice.

Robyn

Transsexual-Workers-Employers-Janis-Walworth
Working-Transsexual-Coworkers-Janis-Walworth

Ah ha!  I book!  Thanks, Ill be sure to get one of those the next chance I get

Quote from: FlanKitty on December 21, 2009, 01:25:28 AM
https://www.susans.org/wiki/Transsexual_Workers:_An_Employer%27s_Guide
https://www.susans.org/wiki/Working_with_a_Transsexual:_A_Guide_for_Coworkers

:)

Nice work on the Wiki Flan.  Looks great and provides good details and links ^_~

Again I wanna thank everyone you've given me some ``food for thought''.

~Lisa
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Ms.Behavin

I transitioned on the job and feel after the fact that it was the best choice.  It gave me time to loose the guy maners, walk talk etc.  Time to adjust to living and being woman.  Even with a year and 1/2 working at the old company, everyone at the new company pretty much figured out I was not always a woman in short order.  (Hint I'm not a small woman). 


My vote is to transition on the job as you know you might not get a job right away as a woman.  Oh and that was the hardest most nervewacking experence, coming out at work.  It worked out for me about as good as it can.

Whatever you decide, best of luck to you.

Beni
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Janet_Girl

I transition on the job for a year.  But I was let go this last September, and while I can't prove it I think it was because the new store manager or one of the zone managers just did not like the idea of a Trans person working there.

I will begin looking for a new one come Spring.  Just taking the time to enjoy a break.


Huggles,
Janet
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