hi. i tried to post here for some help maybe a year ago, but my posts were all deleted and i never knew why. i felt really bad, like i must have said something wrong. i am real sorry, i hope i didn't say something wrong. i just don't know the right things to say. if i say the bad things in this post and you think you have to delete it, can you maybe first tell me why so i know what i did bad?
i am having a real hard time and need some advice and thought of trying to come here again. other people, i have read some posts, get real good advice and everyone sounds so nice and supportive and helpful and wanting to help. i need some help. i can't talk to mum and daddy because we don't get on so good and i don't really have any close friends. i have a disability and most people judge me by it and don't want to get to know me.
i live with mum and daddy and my brother, who is a lot older then me. only my brother isn't my brother any more, he is my sister. and i don't understand. he has been taking drugs for a real long time, a long time before anyone told me and he didn't live with us for a while so i never knew. then he moved back in with us and he has boobs and everything. now my parents call him her and by his girl's name. i don't understand because nothing he does is girly. if he wants to be a woman, why doesn't he act like a woman? i watched a show on tv and they said people are born with female brains in male bodies. ok. but his brain doesn't seem female to me. he never does anything girly. i'm not like a girly girl, i don't wear pink and frills and stuff, but i still think i am obviously a girl.
and here is the thing that makes me really think he is not really a woman. he does something that women never do. i think this is what got me deleted last time, but please don't delete me, i need help and don't know who to ask. i once saw a psychologist for a little while, she was very nice, one of my teachers was worried about me because i had some scars and sores and cuts on my arms. i mostly keep my arms covered up, but they peeped through and she saw and she knew what i had done. so i had to go see the psychologist. we talked about lots of things, and she wanted to talk about the difference between good touching and bad touching. i think she thought my daddy was bad touching me, but it wasn't him, i love my daddy, even though i don't get to see him very much, and he would never do that to me. it was my brother. and then he went away for a real long time and came back a woman. sort of. his top half is a woman and his bottom half is a man. and i thought, if he is a woman now, he won't want to touch me, but he still does. he is going to get surgery soon and become all woman. when that happens, will he stop coming in my room? i don't like it. it makes me cry. if i still saw that psychologist, i would tell her, but i don't see her any more. i don't have anyone to tell. my parents would think i am disgusting and i don't have any friends. i want him to stop it. i m so confused, i don't understand. after he does it to me, i cut on my skin with a little art knife. sometimes i wish i could die. why does he do this to me? if he is a woman, he wouldn't want to touch me like that. but he does. does that mean he doesn't really have a woman's brain? then why does he take drugs and going to have an operation? can you please explain this to me. can you please not delete me.
