Tomboys and Tomgirls?

[Laurry]

I was reading a post by Lost In Time regarding growing up as a tomboy and the time she spent with her father (sorry, not sure how to add the link) and a thought hit me.

Why is it OK for a girl to be a tomboy, but not for a boy to be feminine?  The only slang terms I know for a feminine boy are derogatory.

Is it because men are so afraid their sons will turn out gay or transgendered?  Or is it just the bully mentality, which is why it is OK to be a tomboy as most can whoop the genetic boys?  Is this just a Western civilization thing, as it seems to be a little more acceptable in some societies?

I think we should just blame our great great great grandfathers for not being secure in their sexuality...why not, they can't defend themselves

......Laurie

[angelsgirl]

You pose a good question, Laurie.  I was a tomboy, and to some degree I guess I still am. I usually am just considered a strong woman (my mom says I'm small but mighty).   But I have never really heard a boy be praised for display more feminine qualities. I think that's a shame. What wrong with a boy that likes to cook or dance or enjoy any other pastime that is traditionally (stereotypically) female? 

I think that the real reason is because of how politically correct it became for girls to receive equal treatment, that girls are applauded for being athletic were boys are looked down upon for anything that less than stereotypical "manliness".  It's not equal at all in reality. 

That's a large part of the reason I refuse to call myself a feminist. I believe in equality for all, not in the superiority of the female gender.  I think that both genders have strenghts and weakness and I believe that not everyone must fall into these seperate little categories. I certainly don't believe that men should be treated unfairly in an attempt to grant women equality.  If it's going to be called equality than it must, in fact, be equal.  That's my two cents!

[Melissa]

I think that the real reason is because of how politically correct it became for girls to receive equal treatment, that girls are applauded for being athletic were boys are looked down upon for anything that less than stereotypical "manliness".  It's not equal at all in reality. 

That's the best explanation I've ever heard.

Melissa

[Laurry]

I could buy into the political correctness explanation if this were a recent phenomenon, but it isn't.  This is something deeply ingrained in our culture, and has been probably since the Pilgrims came and kicked out the Native Americans.

Following that line, times were tough in the 1600, 1700 and 1800s.  People worked hard to clear the land, plant the crops, harvest and preserve the food.  A daughter that could do the hard labor expected of a son would be a blessing.  A son who only wanted to cook, clean, sew, and pursue the "womanly arts" instead of chopping, hunting and plowing was more likely to be forced into the "manly" role.  This is not to take anything away from our women ancestors...their work was every bit as back-breaking and tedious, though generally less physical strength was required.

Scary...but as I wrote that, it had a ring of truth...

Also true that the Aristocrats of that time had more leisure (as they had servants and/or slaves to do the hard work) and were probably considered effeminate and useless by their poorer and harder working contemporaries.  Does this mean that the cultural distaste of boys acting feminine was really rooted in Class warfare?  I guess maybe if you use a conspiracy-theory type of logic.

Anyway...there are some more thoughts...please feel free to shoot holes in this

.......Laurie

 

[HelenW]

Why is it OK for a girl to be a tomboy, but not for a boy to be feminine?

The sad fact is that our culture still considers males superior so girls who exhibit masculine qualities (but not TOO masculine, of course) are regarded as mimicing the "superior" sex, which makes it OK.  Feminine boys mimic the "weaker" and "inferior" sex so that's a step "down."  It's also an ego boost for males that the "little girls" are trying to be "just like us!  Awww!"  PHOOOEEY!

(victim of gender tyranny)
helen

[nathan]

Also true that the Aristocrats of that time had more leisure (as they had servants and/or slaves to do the hard work) and were probably considered effeminate and useless by their poorer and harder working contemporaries.  Does this mean that the cultural distaste of boys acting feminine was really rooted in Class warfare?  I guess maybe if you use a conspiracy-theory type of logic.

I think this is exactly it, Laurie. Good post.

[jaded]

i dont no how true that is because i grew up with my fam thinking i was a tombot instead of transboy and had a whole lot of issues to deal with my parents they hated that i looked/look like a boy

[LostInTime]

Men are supposed to be the providers.  Go out and hunt down the meal for the day.  Thus strong attributes are attractive and make them more likely to find a mate.

Women are supposed to be caregivers and take care of the home.  No real need to be a big brute and smelling nice must have attracted the males of the group.

Now we are very far into the future but too many are chained to the past.  A male acting and/or dressing as a female is considered degrading, stepping down.  While a woman who can almost compete with the boys is praised because she is stepping up.  However, if she goes too far up then she will face the same problems as the femme boys.

I think that people (and society as a whole) tend to over-react and not adapt well to change.  When change comes along the growth pains are very bad and that is what we are seeing now.  It is evident through all of history that this is the case.  Social revolutions are never very quiet and do not happen overnight.