Why ask the question if you don't really want to know the answer?

[Nero]

Why do people ask a question and then get upset when you give your honest answer/opinion?
Why ask the question if you don't really want to know the answer?

[Elizabeth]

When I ask questions I am looking for validation. It is something I have thought about, which is why I am asking the question. I am usually expecting certain answers. Many times those answers will not be the ones I expected and I am not validated. In an effort to become validated, it becomes obvious I didn't want the answer I was given. Usually from negative remarks, or defensiveness.

I would like to be a better person than that, but sometimes I am not. In the end, I am usually influenced to some degree by the answers I was not expecting. Sometimes even later adopting those views as my own. But usually I just end up realizing I am not going to agree with everyone, and that's ok too.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Yvonne]

Inquisitiveness.  But many people have already made up their mind on the answer.  Only they are seeking your response for confirmation.

[Luc]

However, if someone is asking a question on, say, a forum, wouldn't you expect they'd want opinions? Isn't that kind of what forums are for, anyway... to be able to talk about what you want without fear of rebuke or physical confrontation? Come on, people. If you're inquisitive, ask the librarian. If you want to know someone's honest opinions, ask and ye shall receive. Don't be surprised at the repercussions. And for god's sakes, don't smite without just cause.

D

[The Middle Way]

I got to ask: was someone offering up "the answer" in a philosophy forum?


not a

[Sarah Louise]

Some people ask questions not caring about the answer, they just like the debate.

Sarah L.

[Sheila R]

Some people just ask a question without allowing for the other person to actually have an opinion that doesn't jibe with their own.  Nothing wrong with healthy debate.  Hopefully, neither person is about hurting the other.

[Cindy]

A debate is a way  to how we try to understand things. Hence the question. But a debate cannot have emotion. Debates are logical. You can argue the logic; you can never argue emotion. Emotion has no logic.

Why do people post a question they do not like  to debate? Or take offence at others opinion?  Personally I think they are possibly uneducated people who have not realized it. They get ashamed and retaliate; not realizing that the vigor of the debate is just that: getting other opinion in a logical and argumentative way. I love it. OK some people can become overbearing but I think if the nature of the debate is kept, it's good fun. That's why we Mod. At least that is why I Mod.

Bring on the questions, Einstein's brain was smaller than the average female brain does this mean 1) Einstein was female. 2) Women are intelligent. 3) Nothing. 4) What does IQ matter? 5) Grey hair and a bad mustache means you are intelligent . 6) I need to buy more shoes e=mc^2. Where e=shoes, m = shopping days. c = credit card limit. Obvious really. Typical male he missed it.


Cindy

[Fencesitter]

Would you get angry at me if I gave you an answer to this question?

[FairyGirl]

many times questions are asked looking for a specific answer, like "does this skirt make my butt look big?" (the answer to that of course is no, it's your fat a$$ that makes your butt look big).

If you give that answer they're naturally going to be upset, because it's probably not the answer they were looking for.

[justmeinoz]

Unless they are MtF in which case they are hoping it does look bigger!!

Being a question asked in a philosophy forum, one is tempted to answer with a question such as, " what do you think the answer is?"   

[Fencesitter]

Being a question asked in a philosophy forum, one is tempted to answer with a question such as, " what do you think the answer is?"   

Then what is the difference between the philosophy forum and a spam forum?

[Ayaname]

In some circumstances it's to coax a compliment out of someone without outright asking for it. You want to be subtle so that there is still evidence of some effort or thoughtfulness put into a compliment if one is given. For example, when a girl asks something like, "does this make my butt look fat?", she's usually looking to hear something like, "Not at all, I think it makes you look really pretty". A plane old "yes" or "no" to this kind of question will either just lead to an argument or more attempts to get a compliment through seemingly stupid questions.
But I think the most common reason why people will ask questions that they don't want an honest answer to is just to help to deceive themselves.

[Dana Lane]

Why do people ask a question and then get upset when you give your honest answer/opinion?
Why ask the question if you don't really want to know the answer?

I am with you there! Not too long ago someone asked me one of 'those' questions where I was supposed to just say oh, everything is fine and dandy and you are awesome. And I asked if I could be frank and the person said yes. Wow, did I get clobbered!

[Dana Lane]

When I ask questions I am looking for validation. It is something I have thought about, which is why I am asking the question. I am usually expecting certain answers. Many times those answers will not be the ones I expected and I am not validated. In an effort to become validated, it becomes obvious I didn't want the answer I was given. Usually from negative remarks, or defensiveness.

I would like to be a better person than that, but sometimes I am not. In the end, I am usually influenced to some degree by the answers I was not expecting. Sometimes even later adopting those views as my own. But usually I just end up realizing I am not going to agree with everyone, and that's ok too.

Love always,
Elizabeth

I don't need anyone's validation of myself. I will never and have never asked someone things like that. It wasn't a decision I made it is just how I am wired, I guess. You validate yourself! I am happy as can be with 'me' and don't care what others think. I don't compete with others when it comes to my looks or other attributes.

[Octavianus]

Why do people ask a question and then get upset when you give your honest answer/opinion?
Why ask the question if you don't really want to know the answer?

Sometimes it is better to know a bad thruth than to keep doubting.
Also, an insult is often a thruth people don't like to hear.

[Cindy]

Then what is the difference between the philosophy forum and a spam forum?

Philosophers like to have a good byte of spam and chips?

[rejennyrated]

Why do people ask a question and then get upset when you give your honest answer/opinion?
Why ask the question if you don't really want to know the answer?

Being serious for a moment, there comes a point in all our lives when we are aware that something is not as it should be. The penny drops. This is going to take hard work to fix... Thing is most of us have a lazy streak, and so then we figure that if it has taken us say five years to figure out that whatever it was is wrong, then perhaps no one else has noticed either and we can go on conning everyone that it is ok.

So we ask someone - we already know or suspect the true answer - but we are still hoping that perhaps they dont!

Then they tell us the awful horrible truth... and our illusions shatter. They too know the truth.

It turns out that most people have known for the entire five years and have been patiently waiting for us to catch up. DRAT - the only option now is hard graft and eating humble pie. Worse, where before we could get away with whatever it was and people would merely think we were charmingly naive, now that we have been told, it becomes far more serious. Now we are not naive, but positively mad, bad, or misguided.

So we get angry - grieving for our loss of innocence and we do what all intelligent lazy bones do, we try to blame the person who gave us the answer. Either they are lying, or maybe if it is the truth that they tell, then in some way that truth becomes their fault!

Eventually of course we come to acceptance and then the real work of fixing ourselves can begin.

(PS - of course the five years bit in this imagined scene is a nod to the inevitable issue because as many will know I was five years old when I first started asking my mother about my gender)