More family trouble

[Alicia91]

My niece is 8 years old. She loves hanging out with me when ever she's in town. The problem is, I love her and want her and I to have an open relationship. Should I tell her that I want to change myself and if so, how?

[Dana_W]

I think in such cases it's best to work out a plan with/through their parents. You ought to come out to them first, and as part of that talk to them about how they'd like to handle telling your niece. 

In my case I've found that, while my brother and sister took my coming out pretty well, they are incredibly scared about telling their kids. And it's not so much that they don't want them to know at some point. They just don't know how, and they fear they'll do it in some way that will either hurt the children, or screw it up so they reject me just because they didn't explain it right.

The last thing you want to do is represent a wedge between your niece and her parents... even if it's just in their imaginations.

Good luck!

[K8]

I agree with Diana.  It would be a good idea to talk to the girl's parents first.

In my experience kids of about that age or less accept an adult changing sex easily.  There are a number of kids at my church who now just figure I'm Mrs B instead of Mr B.  It's no big deal. 

Kids often read people pretty well and don't pay a lot of attention to surface stuff.  They're used to stories of princes turning into frogs, pumpkins turning into coaches, boys turning into eagles, etc.  Why should they be surprised at an uncle turnig into and aunt?  It's when people get older that there are more problems.

- Kate

[sneakersjay]

Adults really worry about kids, but I found kids understand it easier and are far more accepting. 

But yes, unfortunately, I have to agree to talking to the parents first (as much as I hate to).

Jay

Personal Pet Peeve: Adults treating children like fragile morons.  /rant

[Ms Jessica]

definitely don't do it without the parents.  I'd recommend <i>She's Not There</i> by Jenny Boylan-- she was married with kids pre-transition and I'd say they've handled it really well. 

For myself, I say something like I'm supposed to be a girl, so I see the doctor, and they help me get better.  Obviously you have to elaborate a bit when you have older kids, but you stress that it's not contagious, and if you're related that simply because it happened to you doesn't mean it will happen to them.  Other than that, kids are just fine. 

I had a little girl at my church ask if I was a boy or girl.  I said that I was a girl, and showed her my name on the schedule.  She seemed satisfied and then ran off.  The next time I saw her, she called me Ms. Jessica.  I wanted to grab her and give her a huge hug.  Kids can be really awesome. 

[Radar]

Kids often read people pretty well and don't pay a lot of attention to surface stuff.

That sort of happened to me this weekend. I was sir'd all weekend except at an ice cream store. A little boy was excited about something I had (I have no idea what) and yelled "Mommy, look what he has!" I overheard her say "she", so he said "she". After that he talked some more but used just "he". You couldn't tell him different! I sometimes wonder if little kids can see past that stuff and "see" inside people. I also wonder what I had that was so exciting.