So this is christmas....

[jesse]

what have you done....so the john lennon song goes what a pointless waste my life seams at this point i want to thank all of you for your support since ive been on here. My wife has asked me to go to a hotel for christmas rather then be home with my family. 30 years and im right back where i started with no home or family except now my sister isnt here to save me...after all its a christian holiday and being trans isnt very christian (her words). i want to rage against the world right now im hurt im angry it isnt fair but then life isnt fair is it. Cindy your right you cant play roulette with a glock but you can end your pain...click click boom problem solved i dont even know where im going with this i just feel pain in my heart its choking its over whelming and i want it to go away. I promise not to do anything stupid but i will not be on for a couple of days maybe if i drink enough it will go away at least i can stay in the hotel away from everyone. im sorry for such a horrid post on this saposidly happy day. I use to love christmas and snow but as i have said before now it just seams cold im off work in 15 mins as soon as i file my shift reports and check my gun i will not be bringing it with me just in case.

jesse

[lilacwoman]

hi jesse, welcome to the ranks of transoutcasts.
Have as good a day as you can and make sure you call home and tell the kids you're OK and thinking of them.
Day after Xmas in UK is called Boxing Day and is old traditional day for watching sports but now its first day of sales...can you get the kids for part of the day to go shopping and have a nice time?

[rejennyrated]

Come on Jesse

Where is the wise woman who gave me some words of wisdom yesterday when I was feeling down?

Seriously if that is you in the photo then believe me you have everything to live for... A girl like that won't stay lonely for long.

Today thankfully I have bounced back.

We all get down at times and the issues you face are undoubtedly horrible, but they will pass, so please hang on in there.

[MeowMeansMeow]

...after all its a christian holiday and being trans isnt very christian (her words).

I never understand this attitude from so-called Christians. That religion is supposed to be about love, that's what Jesus was talking about, but today I seem to hear an awful lot of hate and condemnation coming from the churches. So they want to stop gays from getting married... this boggles my mind, honestly. I want to ask them - do they realize that not everyone in this country believes in their bible, yet they still want to impose their religious beliefs on these people regardless? Don't they believe in freedom of (and from) religion? I say this because I think that anybody who is actually against gay marriage is almost guaranteed to be of that opinion because of religion. Such intolerance, why should it be any of their business if two people who love each other want to get married?

And the transgender issue is even more bizarre. I mean, why is it even an issue. We're just talking about how people identify themselves. Why should that be threatening to anybody? It's just mind boggling.

Jesse, you have my sympathies this Christmas, and anybody else who is going through pain and suffering because of the thoughtless cruelty of others. Just remember that there is nothing wrong with you, this is society that is screwed up, not us.

Also, if it's any consolation, many "normal" people absolutely dread and hate the holidays too, because they are forced to interact with Uncle Bob who always gets drunk and starts ranting about how the blacks and mexicans are taking over the country, or Aunt Tillie who always seems to be so judgmental about the wonderful meal you prepared, or sanctimonious Cousin Fred who has six kids and keeps bugging you about when you're gonna have some little 'uns (and forces you to hold his disgusting, stinky, wailing spawn while he changes the diaper while everybody is opening presents, wheeee)... you get the idea. It may look like everybody else but you is having a good time, but most of the time it ain't as rosy as it looks!



Meow

[yabby]

Jess, sorry about this, i know it can feel very horrible sometimes but tomorrow you will feel better.

can you maybe take this opportunity to relax, do something different than always and maybe visit a part of town you did not visit before.

There are moments i feel so sad, i just want to stay in bed and cry but forcing myself to go for a walk, do some shopping, do something or go party does help me feel better sometimes.

[Janet_Girl]

Jesse,

Please tell us you are alright.  I understand the spirit of the Bah! Humbug season.  I am alone for the second freaking Christmas.  But I am still a woman, which is my biggest gift of all.

I know it hurts.  And if I should someday win the Lottery, every single person here would never spend another Christmas alone.

Merry Christmas anyway, Hon.

Huggles,
Janet

[Britney_413]

Sorry about your family's attitude Jesse and I wish you the best. Try not to get too depressed although it may be easier said than done. I haven't transitioned yet so I don't know how bad my family will be although three of them now know about my trans-ness. Do keep in mind that you are certainly not the only one. I have a very low opinion on families in general at least in America. I have lots of friends including your regular middle of the run straight non-trans guy friends who have literally walked away from their entire families because they were sick and tired of their crap.

I don't know what the problem is but a lot of families are extremely selfish including even mothers and fathers. Even parents will pretend to know what is best for their kids yet deep down they really don't wish them well. They may be overbearing and expect their kid to be a perfect example to make themselves look better or they may be the jealous type who actually want their kid to fail somewhat because they don't want to be outdone themselves.

Since for the most part I'm financially independent I simply won't tolerate any of this. Christmas was fairly enjoyable today but there were some criticisms over my long hair and nail polish. I simply said that it is my business how I live my life, you don't pay my bills, and you don't get to tell me what to do as I'm 25 years old. I then went farther and said this is Christmas which is a time for sharing and happiness so if you want to be negative and critical then you can pack it up and leave. That stopped the problem right then and there.

Although my suggestion is probably a bit too late, I would still make the most out of the Christmas holiday. If your family is that unbearable to be around, I'd do Christmas either with friends or even by myself. Movie theaters are often open and some bars or nightclubs as well. You can have fun even doing things yourself. There are lots of people out there who don't have a family anymore or whose family is so far away they are by themselves but they can treat themselves out to dinner at a restaurant that is open, go see a movie, and play some nice music at home for the holidays with no one in the world to be there to bother them.

Last but not least, you know your situation of course much better than I do but I have to say that I have zero tolerance for controlling spouses. My last spouse would dictate to me that I cannot go to Starbucks or that I must do something ridiculous she wanted to do. She would order me around constantly demanding to find out who my guy friends were and why I was talking to them. It did not take long until she got the pink slip. Any wife who would tell me I can't stay in my own house especially on Christmas would be receiving divorce papers rather soon. I hate to be a snob but I value my life, my freedom, and my independence too much and therefore anyone who wants to be in "Britney's world" must truly be worth my time, energy, and money. Otherwise, they are shown the door.

Anyway, I hope you did make the most out of your Christmas. I wish you the best and try not to let the holidays get you down. Treat yourself if you can as I mentioned before. Merry Christmas! Britney

[spacial]

In defence of Christianity, of which I am a committed follower, there is nothing in Jesus' teachings about this issue.

I realise that Christianity has, in the past 40 or so years, become synonymous with backward thinking idiots from the US. I've been reading a number of items by and relating to Richard Dawkins who seems to have set himself up as a champion of anti-religion claiming that religious types think the world was created in 5 days!!

It would be nice if these people would read the Gospels for themselves. Then, since they claim to be Christians, to follow Jesus' teachings, instead of searching the entire bible for a few lines to justify their personal neurosis.

The only commandment relating to sexual matters is the prohibition on adultery.
Post Merge: December 26, 2009, 02:27:31 AM
And Jesse. I really feel for you. There is rarely a day goes by that I don't think about death. To have a release from the constant pain.

There's a song by Manic Street Preachers, called Born a Girl.

I wish I'd been born a girl instead of what I am.
I wish I'd been born a girl instead of this mess of a man.

I'm new, here, as you know. But I've spent my whole life, making a stand, to be true to myself.

It has made me very lonely at times, (most times to be honest). It has made be the but of jokes and often constant verbal niggling by people I have to work with.

I don't know if I've done the right thing. Or if my entire life has been a waste of time. But I'm true to myself.

Take care love. Big hugs.