Hello all,
It has been a little while since I have posted anything of an update on how I'm doing and in fact I have not really been around a whole lot recently. I had been going through a bit of a tough spot emotionally and financially. I have been unemployed for over 10 months now and money has gotten very tight and it has been wearing heavily on my mind of late. As a result, I had pretty much resigned myself to the realization that I may never be able to transition and that it would be best if I just climb back into my tiny little cell and lock away any semblance of the female aspect of myself and just force myself to live on as puppet male that I had tried to be for my whole life (and try not to kill myself).
Well, that didn't work out too well! Not at all! It only took a couple of weeks of deep depression, sulking, very dysphoric thoughts and anger to abandon that foolhardy stunt. I have been trying to keep things under control and trying to maintain some sense of self. I have been meeting with my therapist on a regular basis (about once every two weeks) and we have been talking about what is going on in my life, problems, etc. As of about a month ago, he told me that I was not ready to transition, I had too much going on to proceed and we both agreed it was best to wait a while longer. My next visit, the tone had changed a bit. We talked about my going back to college to work on my Masters degree and he suggested that if I were to start school in January (as I was/am planning) then he thought it would work out good to start transitioning then and by the time I'm done in a year, I could start looking for a job in my new career as a woman.
Last week was my latest session and we talked further about costs and particulars of hormones and what to expect and so on. He gave me the name of a doctor here who has good experience with trans patients (he is actually my therapists doctor) and told me to set up an appointment in January and when we meet next Tuesday, he will have my letter all drawn up for me to take along with me. I am quite excited.
I made the call today and have my appointment set for January 12 for examination and blood tests. There is a good likelihood I could be starting HRT before the end of January. I am also hoping to be starting my classes on January 7. Somewhere along the line of this one year program, I will likely have to change from (insert male name) to Deanna. I'm sure I will also be introducing myself to my professors and fellow students as a transsexual - probably from the beginning.
I am very happy, excited, elated, nervous, curious, exuberant, and slightly cautious. I am thinking (hoping) that 2010 turns out to be the best year of my life to date.
Oh, by the way, I have also been growing out my hair for the past six months and it is finally starting to look like it is coming along. I also took the plunge and got it colored for the first time in my life. I am now back to being a red head (no more gray). Wooohooo! I will post a new pic soon. Got to take a good one, where I don't look quite so ugly.
Well, I hope everyone is doing well and I'm sure I will be back more regularly again. I missed you all.
Deanna
