How did you figure out it was time to tell the family?

[Brynn]

I realize this is going to result in entirely subjective, individualized responses. But that's better than no responses at all, imo.

I'm probably not gonna be able to stay closeted to my parents, at least, forever. That's just not realistic. They have a right to know why I'm so on edge, and one of these days it'd be nice if they'd stop introducing me as their daughter (okay, that one may be a little too much to hope for).

But I don't know that it's the right time yet to tell them. How did you guys figure out when you were ready to tell your family, parents in particular?

[Nero]

When I knew I was going to go through with it. I had stressed over finding the right time and words for months, then I got drunk and it was all over. For better or worse.
I wouldn't say anything until you're sure there's no turning back though. If you decide not to transition, you can never take it back, and their perceptions of you could be forever altered. For better or worse again.

[Northern Jane]

I didn't really tell my parents. I think it was kind of obvious from childhood but nobody had a word for it back then. By my early teens I was living part time en femme and through my teens I just didn't bother to hide it. I think I was about 16 when I told my mom I HAD to. It didn't help. When SRS became possible, I got disowned.

[FairyGirl]

When it became so obvious to my mom and my sister due to the changes being wrought by HRT that I had no choice. They both knew something was going on, so I told them. They took it better than I thought they would, at least I wasn't disowned. I tried to ease my mom into it, telling her only at first that I was on doctor prescribed hormone treatments at the recommendation of a therapist. It wasn't until I changed my name that she finally realized the extent of what it all meant and I tried to explain what it was. My mom was upset, and it took a few weeks but now things seem normal enough and I'm hoping it gets better still. When I told my sister about my upcoming surgery, she simply said "I understand". All in all it wasn't as good as I wished but it was better than I expected.

[june bug]

The week I knew I was going to finally be able to live on my own with out their help. 

[Janet_Girl]

Twenty plus years ago, I attempted to tell my Dad.  His response was "Not in my house", and being I lived with them at the time I remained in the closet.  I moved out shortly there after and tried to transition.

As a result I lost my job and lived on unemployment for a while.  I lived part time and was living life.  But I need a job, so back in the closet again.

It wasn't till my parents were gone that I moved on to full transition.  I may never be able to have SRS, but I am loving life for now.


Janet

[Saskia]

I remember this period of my life quite clearly and it was truely awful. After a ridiculous marriage which thankfully was short lived, and I came out to my Ex (well over 20 years ago), the cat was out of the bag. And as it was finally out of the bag it wasn't going back in. So I went to my mum and dad to tell them the marriage was over and why. They were very sad but were great and both completely supported me without question. I was ready to be rejected, but I was so screwed up by then that I really wasn't bothered if they had, I had to transition and whilst I was still young. My siblings however were another story, which I've already written about here.
You'll know when it's time - Good luck.

[Dana_W]

I knew I had to tell my parents once I decided to go on hormones, because after that it was going to be pretty obvious sooner or later.

I freaking dreaded it. They were not supportive. I didn't expect them to be. But at least it's out there. And as they see further things happening they can't act shocked.

[Miniar]

The day I decided to do something about it was the day I realized I'd have to tell people.
I told my family when I had found the psychologist that could help me, or in other words, when my foot was really on the path.

[Brynn]

When I knew I was going to go through with it. I had stressed over finding the right time and words for months, then I got drunk and it was all over. For better or worse.
I wouldn't say anything until you're sure there's no turning back though. If you decide not to transition, you can never take it back, and their perceptions of you could be forever altered. For better or worse again.

Thanks. That's one of the reasons I've been taking my sweet time getting stuff figured out. I want to be 100% sure about my gender identity before making any steps towards transitioning. I only recently asked my friends to start using male pronouns with me, and I've been definitely gender questioning for a year or so now.

[jmaxley]

I've been dropping little hints here and there for my mom, trying to keep it from being too shocking when I do tell her (wearing guys clothes, talking about wanting to work out and build muscle, getting my hair cut)...trying to break it to her gradually I guess.  I know one day if I do transition I'll have to just tell her.  My sister, I think will be supportive (I hope) since I know she has some gender issues too and we both mentioned to each other one time how we both would have been happier if we'd been born male (she really tries to be very "macho").  My nieces and nephews...well, I'm not sure how to break it to the kids.  The younger ones won't care to much, it's the older ones I'm worried about.  That's why I'm trying to pick a guy name that's as close to my current name as possible, to make it easier for them.

[tekla]

I never had to come out, I only needed to tell other people to FO.  Really.  Just do it.  Those that can live with it will, those who can't will fall by the wayside.  'Twas ever thus.

[CodyJess]

They'll get warning that I'm starting hormone replacement therapy in a couple months; because my voice dropping will be awkwardly obvious over the phone; but I won't be explaining what for or why until they ask - and only if they actually do ask. It doesn't matter one lick to me if they know or care the 'why's of what I'm up to.

People tend to swallow things better when they ask for themselves, rather than when they're confronted and told; in my experience. Then, if they don't like what they have to hear, they have themselves to blame for asking in the first place! lol.


I'm going as far as I need to feel comfortable with my own body, and not a step further. It makes sense to me that, since I'm doing this one step at a time, I'll take any necessary explanations at the same pace.

[LordKAT]

I haven't told them. They read the newspaper and told my daughter a few cruel things and I haven't talked to them for over a year until a month ago. Mom asked me to come to thanksgiving dinner using wrong name and wrong everything. Oh well. They will deal with it in their own way. Unfortunately I can't deal well when they refuse to acknowledge facts so I avoid them or not as I always have.

This is a normal relationship with my parents even before My decision to transition.

[sneakersjay]

When I had my T prescription in hand and I knew I was immediately driving to the pharmacy to fill it.


Jay

[K8]

My parents are both dead, but I came out to my family after I came out to my friends.  I wanted a solid support network before coming out to family.  But I came out to my family before I started hormones or presenting myself as a woman in public where they may hear of it.  I felt it would go better if told them myself rather than them finding out indirectly.

- Kate

[El]

well i first came out to my parents when i was 14 lol they didnt really take it very seriously thinking it was just a phase.

about 2 weeks ago i came out again by going downstairs in my girly PJs, boobs and all. Now when im at home im "dressed" and it feels great. Now if only i could work up the courage to leave the safety of my house!

The rentals took it well, they have concerns for my safety but i think thats understnadable, i guesse im one of the lucky ones

[Muffin]

MY gf at the time knew all about me and our relationship was falling apart because of it needless to say and the stress of everything put me in a dark corner. My gf got worried after I told her what I thought my life was (not) worth to me and she told my mum who told me to come and see her so I did and it all came out. Being so upset made it flow out with no problems it's like it happened against my will. I wasn't afraid it felt good to have the weight lift from my shoulders especially with how accepting everyone was/is. So I guess I didn't figure it out it just happened, it was inevitable.
I noticed the other day that there are photos of me young at my parents wearing a baseball hat with a number on it, the number is the age that I told my parents.. it freaked me out a little, strange coincidence!!

[MMarieN]

I wanted to make sure that my parents knew that I would still be the same loving person I always was. So on January 5, 2008 I installed 3 toilets in my parent's apartment building. After I was done, mom ordered a pizza. I cleaned up. Then I told them over pizza. It was well received. They didn't understand it but they were and still are ultra supportive.

So to answer your question, I set a goal to come out by a specific date. I was already on hormones for over a year. I knew I had to go full time soon - I was barely passing as a male even in guy's clothes. So I found a time that was right and went with it. I explained to them as an intersex issue that I was dealing with.

Later, I found out that my mom grew up with someone who was IS. I also found out that I had gay uncles and aunts that went back several generations. Also, I have a cousin who is trans.

[DamagedChris]

When my voice outed me anyway.

Passing it off as a sore throat or head cold only works so much