Can I stop being TG?

[TheBattler]

So how can I stop being TG?



I hate being TG sometimes - I have had a great weekend totaly wreck by a few fleating moments. For the most part gee my head was spinning. I went out to a club Saturday nigth till 3am (black skirt & red top) At the end I was tired of being in a skirt which is not a usual emotion. I few girls chatted me up  and I have never been in so much contact with GGs  .

Today is was out to a pub for lunch (blue dress). For the most part it was OK. Towards the end I got self consious again and wanted to get out of my dress. To make matters worse my to friends Maddy (CD/TS) and Ellissa (GG)  suddenly got together as a couple. It broke my heart  . I loved chatting to both of them but now if I go out I am going have to watch them hold hands. I secritly liked Ellissa. But as always I miss out of anything to do with love. Yep - lonely Al is what I have always been. I do not know if I want to go out with them as a couple. Takes away my fun of being out with two good friends and closes of a major outlet since Maddy seams to be enjoys my company and she is pushing my boundaries.

I cracked big time and show my emotion infront of them. Had a big cry in front of them and I hope I do not loose them as friends. Sometimes I wish I could be a normal guy and get away from all of this TG stuff. It is funny how I crack last night and this afternoon and wanted to be someone else and get rid of my skirt/dress. I chatted to both of them and they comforted me many times when I become self-consious. They are great poeple to talk to as they knew my situation and TG issues. I guess I am going to have to grin and bare being TG for the time been.

Anyone got a cure?




Alice

[Laurry]

Alice,

That had to be hard for you.  It's tough enough to be out in public for a long time, and all the nervous worries that brings.  Add the fact that your 2 best friends, one which you liked as more than a friend, hooked up, which brings all kinds of emotions, most of which aren't wonderful.  No wonder you broke down...bless your heart.  Your friends sound like nice people who understand that all of us have our moments of being overwhealmed, and won't hold it against you.

It is obvious they both still want you as a friend.  It may be a little awkward at times, but don't cut yourself off from your friends just because they are together.  OK, the kissing and such will be hard to take, but if it lasts, you will miss both of them.  If it doesn't, you may have to visit them separately, but that wouldn' be so bad now, would it? 

So you were shocked while already in a stressful state.  Stuff happens.  You still have some weekend left so forgive yourself (you would them, right?) and get on with your life.  It would be understandable it you decide not to hang out with your friends for a couple of weeks or so, (and that could be tough for you), but at least you can talk to them on the phone. 

Take care of yourself.  All of us here will be thinking about you.

Big Hug......Laurie

[Julie Marie]

They say you can choose your friends but not your relatives.  You also can't choose being TG or not.  It's one of the hold cards we are dealt.  You can fight it your entire life and that's what it will be, a fight, and no one wins.  Or you can accept it and find how to make it a beautiful part of your life.

What has being TG taught you?

Would you be the same person if you weren't TG? 

Would you like your non-TG person?

How would you have positively affected others if you hadn't learned all those things being TG taught you?

Our Creator made us this way for a reason and she only chose the strongest of us for this role.  Being TG levels the playing field with those who are less fortunate than us.  Most of the rest of the non-TG public could never handle this challenge.  If we were free of this we'd probably be ruling the world, but that's not why we're here.  So the gal in the sky gave us something to think about. 

It's not the fact we're TG that makes us special.  It's how we deal with it that matters.

Julie

[Chaunte]

So how can I stop being TG?

:::: sighhhh ::::

Alice, my friend, there is no cure.  Being transgendered is as much a part of us as our need to breathe. 

Being transgendered is a wonderful yet terrible gift.  We understand both men and women much better than our counterparts because we live (or havelived) in both worlds.  And yet, it can leave us terribly confused as to who we are.

I hate being TG sometimes - I have had a great weekend totaly wreck by a few fleatinh moments. For the most part gee My head has been spinning. I went out to a club Saturday nigth till 3am (black skirt & red top) At the end I was tied of being in a skirt which is not a usual emotion. I few girls chatted me up  and I have never been in so much contact with GGs.

Today is was out to a pub for lunch (blue dress). For the most part it was OK. Towards the end I git self consious again and wanted to get out of my dress. To make matters worse my to friends Maddy (CD/TS) and Ellissa (GG)  suddenly got together as a couple. It broke my heart  . I loved chatting to both of them but now if I go out I am going have to watch them hold hands. I secritly liked Ellissa. But as always I miss out of anything to do with love. Yep - lonely Al is what I have always been. I do not know if I want to go out with them as a couple. Takes away my fun of being out with two good friends and closes of a major outlet since Maddy enjoys my company and is pushing my boundaries.

I cracked big time and show my emotion infront of them. Had a big cry in front of them and I hope I do not loose them as friends. Sometimes I wish I could be a normal guy and get away from all of this TG stuff. It is funny how I crack last night and this afternoon and wanted to be someone else and get rid of my skirt/dress I chatted to both of them and they comforted me many times when I become self-consious. They are great poeple to talk to as they knw my situation and TG issues. I guess I am going to have to grin and bare being TG for the time been.

Anyone got a cure?




Alice

Love will find you, Alice. 

Let me ask you a question, and you don't need to respond to it.  Who do you want to find?

Chaunte

[Robyn]

It's funny, but if you 'need' someone, the universe will hand you need.

When you learn that you don't need another person to make you happy, when you learn to be alone without being lonely, then you are ready for that unexpected person to enter your life.  Synchronicity.

And maybe the 3 AM nightclub scene isn't the right venue.

Love, light, understanding, and patience.

Robyn

[Luc]

Sure, Alice, you can stop. That is, if you want to undergo the sadistic brainwashing that certain therapists find to be the "cure" for transsexualism. The DSM-IV (basic manual for all psychologists/psychiatrists) says that the only true cure for TS is to transition. If you want to be numbed to the pain, however, there's a million drugs out there that are certainly sufficient to do the job.

Question is: do you want to be numb, and do you want to live your life in a lie? Obviously, you wouldn't go to the trouble to dress and try to pass as a woman if you did not believe, innately, that you are indeed a woman. I know it's incredibly disappointing when something like what you experienced happens, but believe me, even bio guys have to handle rejection like that. Try to be happy for your friends; you will find the right person in time.

We all have problems, Alice. But we also come equipped with the innate strength to cope with those problems.

Rafe

[Kendall]

Its well documented. All TGs are TG for life. From the most basic CD, Androgyne, Transgenderist, to the TS. Many have run and tried to change. Many thought they could. Its deeper to the core  and essential to how each of person is. Eventually everyone finds their way back. Those that do try, just end up wasting tons of time, wrecking other's lives, loosing jobs, confusing friends, and just have to buy again everything they threw away. Not to mention caused greater harm, confusion, and trouble for the TGs doing it. I have read probably near 200 life stories all similar. Smart thing to do is just to make it work from the start.

[Elizabeth]

Alice,

I secritly liked Ellissa. But as always I miss out of anything to do with love. Yep - lonely Al is what I have always been.

When I read this I got a huge knot in my stomach and it made me cry. I sure know this feeling. I have never been able to approch women I liked or loved. I always enede up being in love with the girl my friend was dating. I just don't know what to say.  I feel so bad for you. This has brought back that terrible feeling that I used to get and I know I don't have any words that will make it any better.

Alice, I finally found my true love, but I had to change everything. I was totally aggressive, for the first time in my life, but I got the girl I loved instead of waiting for someone else to get her. Again, I am so sorry this happened to you. I understand what you are feeling, but I know the sun is going to shine for you again.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Melissa]

Hi Alice, I understand to a degree about not wanting to be TG.  It feels like one big trap, like an antlion trap (think of the sandpit in Return of the Jedi) and at the very bottom is being a girl.  Well, for me the sides seem quite steep, since I don't seem to be able to be anything but female.  Not only would I have to fight my own mind to be male, but I would have to fight my body, which seems predisposed to be female.  It just not a fight worth fighting.  Think of sailing and being TG is like a strong wind blowing.  I would say, rather than fight it and getting nowhere, turn towards the direction the wind is blowing and take off from there.

Melissa

[Ricki]

Hi Alice i too feel this way i guess all or most of us do!  I think like this for the most part being female physiologically and male exterior i would naturally of loved to be a natural real women on the outside to be complete?  God or our creator did not make it so -  or was it the world and human nature and the turns it takes that caused this??  I'd settle for it either way as long as it was 100% would not matter figuratively?  cause you'd be within your gender and not be ts.. but i have found no answer to that either!  I like when i sleep (not that i sleep a lot) cause you're like consciously away.  Funny i have had only two of those real dreams where everything felt 100% real like you could touch and smell it and to my glory i was a girl.. Only two of them in what 38 years that i can recall.  sad...
I remember waking up and feeling happy then sad...
I am trying to deal with things the best i can I'm never saying never time will unfold its a constant maybe things will change for me as time goes bye I'd like to have more better than worse when it comes to gender
R

[Steph]

So how can I stop being TG?
...

Anyone got a cure?



Alice

Yep there sure is... It's called death, but the problem is that there is no guarantee that life afterwards is any better or if there even is one.  So like it or not hon you're stuck with it.

Steph

[TheBattler]

I really don't know if you are seeing a therapist now, but one thing is certain, the more you experience your being TG, the more guidance you need from a professional to clear the path from the rocks and stones of life that make your journey a difficult one.


tinkerbell

Yep I am seing a theripst. I rang her up at lunch today and moved my next appointment forward to this Friday. I have the day of work so I will have more time to talk to her and do not need to fell guilt about missing out on work. Plus there is so much to talk about after this weekend.

I just re-read Meliss's version of a good night out. We had lots of talk about that type of stuff at our lunch. That was very confronting to the conservitive guy part of me. But gee the Alice side of me would love all of that type of stuff. But as usual Al missed out.

Thanks to everyone who replied. I talk to me theripst (when changing the appointment) about how to cut it out. When I first went to her I did want to get rid of my TG side. When I asked her about it she said it seamed to deeply embended. Hmm I think as each day goes by it is getting more embended. Maddy wants going out clubbing and lunch on Sunday to be a regular thing. Hmm  >  > Maddy - making me come out. Gee I actually may enjoy it after a while. To tell you the turth triathlon was getting to be a bit of a boring routine. I still miss it - going out and running hard because I can. Now my TG life is taking over  which was never meant to be the case. But just sitting out drink wine yesterday was diferent and in  a way relaxing and fun. I just hope Maddy relised I am a very quiet person naturlly and does not try and change that side of me. I do not want to change my whole personality.


Alice

[jamie lee]

Being TG some times can really tear you apart, but there is really no turning back belive me I've tried, I even thought if I stayed away from this site or not posting I thought that would help, but everyday I find myself coming back, dressing, thinking and feeling female it's just me. and their is nothing I can do about it.
It like Stpeh siad maybe death, but that's not me ! I figure not to fight it and just have some fun !
Jamie.

[Kate]

So how can I stop being TG?

Ah, dear Alice...

I've been poking through some very old posts of mine on other forums... dating back six years. God. What a war it's been.

Anyways, I stumbled upon this - posted back in 2003 when I was wrestling with your question myself:

I had an amusing dream the other night, after all this cut-or-dont-cut-the-hair stuff. I dreamt that I was lying on the floor, with a woman above me holding a knife to my throat. She wasn't trying to be violent, she just seemed desperate.

We both kinda laughed at the silliness of our stalemate, and I half-jokingly asked her, "you don't really don't plan to kill me, do you?"

She smiled and said, "I could ask you the same thing."

[Melissa]

So how can I stop being TG?

Ah, dear Alice...

I've been poking through some very old posts of mine on other forums... dating back six years. God. What a war it's been.

Anyways, I stumbled upon this - posted back in 2003 when I was wrestling with your question myself:

I had an amusing dream the other night, after all this cut-or-dont-cut-the-hair stuff. I dreamt that I was lying on the floor, with a woman above me holding a knife to my throat. She wasn't trying to be violent, she just seemed desperate.

We both kinda laughed at the silliness of our stalemate, and I half-jokingly asked her, "you don't really don't plan to kill me, do you?"

She smiled and said, "I could ask you the same thing."

That gave me chills Kate.

Melissa

[Shana A]

I don't think I could ever stop being TG, it's at the core of my being. I've certainly been at that place of wishing that I weren't TG more than a few times in my life, but for the most part, I accept this as a strange and wonderful gift from G-d/G-ddess and it is up to me to figure out the best way to utilize this gift.

zythyra

[Sarah Louise]

Stop being Transgendered or be cured.  That is like asking to be cured of breathing.  You can't do it and still be alive.  Or that is how I feel anyway.

Sarah L.

[ssindysmith]

Being in the medical profession, I have seen many diagnosis and many of TG (later referred to a physc because it was an attempted suicide) the common treatment for the condition and cure is called SRS. After SRS you are no longer considered TG but female thus you are cured

[beatrix]

So how can I stop being TG?

Ah, dear Alice...

I've been poking through some very old posts of mine on other forums... dating back six years. God. What a war it's been.

Anyways, I stumbled upon this - posted back in 2003 when I was wrestling with your question myself:

I had an amusing dream the other night, after all this cut-or-dont-cut-the-hair stuff. I dreamt that I was lying on the floor, with a woman above me holding a knife to my throat. She wasn't trying to be violent, she just seemed desperate.

We both kinda laughed at the silliness of our stalemate, and I half-jokingly asked her, "you don't really don't plan to kill me, do you?"

She smiled and said, "I could ask you the same thing."

I wrote a lot of poems last year, and, for a while when I first came out to my wife, almost all of them were extremely violent with the same topic as your dream.

Uhh, weird.  Very weird.

As Melissa said, "Chills" is about right.

Back to the topic; I'm sure you could stop.  While there may be hints about this in my past, I didn't come to realize my transgenderness until recently.  Either it came on recently, or I just found a label for it recently. 

Every part of you is changeable.  Sometimes, though, that will mean deconstructing and destroying what you already are to rebuild yourself. 

There are interesting theories on self-programming.  A lot of them are kind of out-there psychology, but there seems to be some anecdotal evidence, nothing about our situation specifically; but I believe in the capacity of each human being that isn't handicapped in some way to change their minds into completely different people.

But, that being said, why would you want to?  Is it worth it?  Really give yourself time to think about it, and you will probably decide it is not.

I wish I could talk more, but I have to get to work.

[katia]

i will only add that you need to stop blaming yourself. there's nothing wrong with you and just because you feel you belong in a different body doesn't mean you're ungrateful for the one you have.