How do you know for sure that you are trans?

[Elijah3291]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GH0TtDdPeWk&feature=related#

this video ^^ (am I allowed to put it up?) Anyway, it made me wonder If I am sure that I am transgendered.

I mean, I do feel quite genderqueer, sometimes I will be sitting around, and I don't feel male or female.

When I think about being a guy, really being one, I wonder if it is just because I admire men, I love men, and I want to be just like them, move like them, talk like them, act like them.  I do not want to be womanly at all. I dont want to walk with my butt wiggling, and wearing lipgloss, and I dont want to be a butch woman.

But sometimes I feel like I am not enough "man" Like today when I was with my older brother, he made me feel girly, and I didnt like it at all.

I dunno what to do, I am going to therapy soon, maybe that will help me.

[GQjoey]

To answer your question: because I have always felt like a boy/man, since I can remember. I always knew I was "different", I always knew I wasn't "one of the girls", and always knew I was born in the wrong body.

[placeholdername]

Trans is just a label, and not a terribly descriptive one.  The only thing you can be sure about is how you feel.  From your post you say:

"...I want to be just like them, move like them, talk like them, act like them.  I do not want to be womanly at all. I dont want to walk with my butt wiggling, and wearing lipgloss, and I dont want to be a butch woman."

Those are all things you can be sure of, because they're thoughts and feelings and they can't not be true in that respect.  The real question is: how sure are you that you want to *do* something about it?  This is where I wavered for a long time and I'm still not 100% sure on myself -- I've wanted to be a girl for a long long time, but am I sure that I want to go through HRT and SRS and RLE and all the rest of those painful acronyms?  Maybe 95%.  But I'm 100% sure that if I could take a pill and wake up as a girl, I would take that pill in a heartbeat.

It's kind of like the difference between watching the Olympics on TV, and training to be an Olympic athlete .

[sneakersjay]

What GQ Joey said.

I didn't know that what I felt made me trans.  I also hate labels.  I didn't even truly know what trans people were, thanks to the idiocy portrayed on TV (at least until recently).

But once I found out/discovered/lights came on that the feeling of always being a boy yet having the body of a girl made me trans, and there was a 'cure', I knew transition was right for me (yes I did waver for a month or two and spent $$$ on therapists to know for sure), and I transitioned.

Most definitely the right decision for me.

Take your time and sort it out for yourself.  Some people are comfortable just knowing what's up, and figure out how to live and adapt to being in the wrong body.  Most of us at some point start transition, which is unique to each person.  There are no rules as to what you have to do or when you do it, other than make sure you are doing it because you NEED to and WANT to, not because some anonymous people on the internet say you should.


Jay

[Teknoir]

It's kind of like the difference between watching the Olympics on TV, and training to be an Olympic athlete .

I store my smokes in my jockstrap for use while I'm running 

....Oh who am I kidding? I'm in the clickathlon .


I think the best thing you can do is talk to a therapist. They exist to help you sort out your thoughts.

Well, I don't think about my gender all day. I also don't constantly think about the sky being blue, the sun being hot, water being wet, antartica being cold, or other obvious and unchanging facts of life. I have too many other things to think about and do! I'm just me. I happen to be male. If that gets called into question (or the topic otherwise brought up), yeah, I'll think about it. If it doesn't? Then it's just a factoid sitting in the back of my mind.

I too have always felt "different". I never felt female. When I was a kid (from 3 or 4), I'd pass mirrors and try to see the man I'd grow up to be. It never occoured to me until much later (and even then, I never could deal with it) that I'd grow up to be anything but a man!

That's where it all started.... and it just goes on from there with the whole male clothes, male interests, male toys, male name, can't relate to girls, etc that we've all read craploads of accounts of.

That's how I eventually got a fair idea I might be trans. It was the early age of "feeling male", the duration (there has never been a time I felt female, or wanted to be one), the fact trying to be female didn't go so well (understatement), and just how many times I've heard other transpeople tell the same story.

I gave transitioning a shot. So far it's been the most "right" thing I've ever done. It's hard to explain.... It's like you're in the middle of someplace hot, and someone hands you a glass of ice water. It feels right to drink the water. It's the natural thing to do. Other people might get angry (it may not be your water), it might not even directly be water (it could be yellow)... but you can't really help yourself - you gotta eventually do what comes naturally. When you do you'll be rewarded with sweet sweet relief, and (possibly) an angry offsider wondering where their lemon squash went. You won't care about the offsider.

Trans is only a label. What's really important if finding a place you're comfortable being in. Worry less about if you're really one label or another - and just worry about doing what you feel you need to.

[FolkFanatic]

I don't like to put a label on who i am. I know what makes me feel RIGHT and i know what doesn't.

Skirts versus dress pants and top - can't do the skirt thing anymore. Tried it on some occasions (for my dad) and it made me feel wrong and uncomfortable. Can't do makeup. Can't do frills, bows, flowers, etc. I was a total tomboy from age seven and up, only exceptions being "special occasions" during which my parents chose my outfits for me.

I dislike the moobs when they bulge out and love it when they look flat (as flat as i can get it.) I hate that i'm missing certain parts (even as a kid i had always wanted a dick..... i though then it was just a phase but i still find myself wanting one lol.) My closest friends growing up where male, now my two closest are female. Any fantasies then and now (i have a HUGE imagination), i was male. All my dreams feature me as male.

I've "girled up" and stood in front of the mirror and felt nothing (okay, maybe a bit of discomfort or humiliation.) Then i go back and "guy up" and it just fits and feels right.

For me, it's that simple and i don't bother to dwell on it. I know that i want to go on T. I know i want a name and gender marker change on everything. I know i want top surgery (when i can afford it). The only thing i'm NOT certain about is bottom surgery - i guess it'll depend on what offered five, ten years from now.

I guess it isn't that simple for everyone - which IS why therapists are around. I'm going to one (as soon as the doc does the referral) but mainly to have someone to talk to and help out with my parents and all legal aspects.

If you're unsure, a therapist will definitely help. Remember there are ALWAYS options - full transition, partial transition, doing nothing...... What you do should always reflect what you feel right doing (if that makes sense). Give it time, no rush.

[Quicksand]

I think you'll find that, if and when you transition, genderqueer feelings dissipate if you are truly trans as your body aligns more with your mind.  It is hard not to feel in between genders when your physical presentation is still somewhat feminine.  I don't know any guys who wouldn't feel a little unsure of their masculinity if you put them in a genetically female body.  The truth is, if you want to be male, once you start presenting as male and taking T you'll feel male.  I've gotten that feeling of not being male or female at times before, but the thing is...do you like it?  I felt like I was just in some sort of in-between phase while I approached a point where I could finally view myself as male.

[VampyreAri]

I mean, I do feel quite genderqueer, sometimes I will be sitting around, and I don't feel male or female.

I know what you mean. I feel the same way sometimes. Just sort of... neither. But the question is what Quicksand said. Do you like being at that 'neutral' feeling? More than being EITHER a guy or girl? Or do you see it as a in-between transient phase? And, basically, it's no more complex than "would you prefer to be a guy over being a girl?" Not unless you make it more complex by clouding your brain with doubts.

I love men, and I want to be just like them, move like them, talk like them, act like them.  I do not want to be womanly at all. I dont want to walk with my butt wiggling, and wearing lipgloss, and I dont want to be a butch woman.

Hm, sounds like any young boy to me. Wanting to emulate and recreate the men around you. Idolizing and wanting to learn how to really BE one of them. The way I see it... You don't want to be seen as a girl. You don't want to be womanly, not even as butch. But yet you want to be like a guy. So I think that's a pretty clear distinction of where your brain wants to be. From where I'm standing it looks like your brain knows it wants to be a guy. It's not neutral, it has a clear leaning towards the male spectrum. You can admire men all you want and still, innately, BE one of them, simply because you know you don't want to be a woman.

But sometimes I feel like I am not enough "man" Like today when I was with my older brother, he made me feel girly, and I didnt like it at all.

Again, sounds like any guy with an older brother. The fact that you really DISliked feeling girly (that dislike I know very well) means that your brain doesn't identify with being girly. It doesn't like it. Again, that seems like a pretty clear distinction to me. Because you're not neutral. Yeah, sometimes you can feel like neither, but overall? You seem to link more closely to male. At least from where I'm standing.

...Feel free to ignore my rambling. I tend to break things down and analyze a lot. But yeah, point is... Just go with what you feel is right in your heart of hearts. Go with where your brain leads you. Let yourself be who you want to be. And don't doubt. Just trust yourself. S'the way I see it.

[Silver]

Well I didn't watch the video but I still have an answer.

How do I know for sure? I don't. I do however know that I can't stand the thought of living as a woman, and that I hate my femininity.

So I have to do something about it, since it should be possible for me in time.

[Alessandro]

That video just reeks of someone who has had enough of youtube comments.  Youtube commenters are at least 50% morons. 

Anyway.

The question.  God I don't know, because I need the therapy too.  The thing that worries me is that I used to be OK with being female until I started trying to have relationships.  The only things I didn't like was the way women get treated and the role women have in society, I also have always had phobias and discomfort with parts of the body.  But I thought I was OK with just spending most my time locked in escapism and every night lying in bed with a pillow in my arms pretending I was a guy with another guy who wanted me.  Typing that made me feel crap, like a real sad person.  But I still do that, I'll admit it.  Sad case perhaps.  But having a real guy who saw me as a woman, it only upset me.  Go figure. 

The gender dysphoria has only been constant for about 6 months.  This time last year I was trying to give a straight relationship a go.  This time last year I would have denied being trans,  because I really thought I could get past this. 

But no, like the guy on the video says only you can live your life.  That is how I know I'm trans (don't want to be, of course I don't.  And I doubt myself all the time, trying to go back to how I felt before.)  Maybe I'm crazy?  But I'm probably just trans. 

[Silver]

That video just reeks of someone who has had enough of youtube comments.  Youtube commenters are at least 50% morons.

You're optimistic.

[tekla]

I would imagine that the number of morons posting comments equals the number of morons posting vids.  Like attracts like.

[Alessandro]

I would imagine that the number of morons posting comments equals the number of morons posting vids.  Like attracts like.

I don't think this is necessarily is true.  Say a transperson puts a video up, just to help others.  The amount of idiots drawn like moths to a flame certainly outnumbers the amount of people posting vids.

http://xkcd.com/202/  sums it up pretty well.   

[VampyreAri]

The amount of idiots drawn like moths to a flame certainly outnumbers the amount of people posting vids.

http://xkcd.com/202/  sums it up pretty well.

Yeah, I think there are definitely more people who comment stupid things than people who post stupid things. Because one must keep in mind that half the commenters are the cowards who would never dare to show their faces in a youtube vid. The idea of someone hiding behind the screen on an old laptop in their parents' basement comes to mind...

Also: That xkcd comic is too true.