coming out but...coming out as what?

[arbon]

It's really the secrets, or the fear of the secrets being found out, that seem to have the most negative impact in my life. So, trying to take some of the power out of that fear, I have been wanting to talk more to other people that I know and think might be capable of some level of acceptance.

Last week I broke the news to one more person - I told them I was transgender. Well that flew over his head and he did not understand what that meant so I had to try explaining it a little more in depth. Well, like I am a crossdresser, but a lousy one - it only works if I don't look in a mirror, which tends to depress me something fierce! But I want to be perceived and accepted as a woman, I don't like that I am male, really,  and yeah I am married, with a daughter...and no it does not make sense, I know that.

For several days I worried how he had taken it, how he would react to it. I tried calling him once and he did not return my call. But an into him last night though and we talked and hugged and it seems like it is alright.

Still, the difficulty I had with explaining it, or figuring out how to explain it. It is stuff that I don't understand very well, let alone trying to explain it to someone else.

But it felt good to do it. It brings the number to 4 people in my life that I have intentionally shared some of this with.

[gennee]

That's a good start, Arbon. The main idea is that you came out to them. How they react is their business. Congrats to you.

Gennee

[EveMarie]

arbon my friend, glad to hear you're "venturing out" as it may be. Trying to find "who's next" on the list is a difficult thing at best. There was a time I wanted to prioritize my list, as it were. SO first, then mom, dad, son, work, friends, etc., but that all went awry. The SO left me, my mom and dad have embraced me, I still can't bring myself to talk to my son in any other way than as his father. Work? yeah a few, my friends? screw them, take me or turn your back, makes no difference to me.

Be true to yourself, be honest, and be who you truly believe you are. Deep feelings and desires to be yourself, if suppressed, can gnaw away at your soul, your mind and sanity. Do what's right, I'm sure you'll find the solutions...

Good luck to you in your search for happiness, Evie

[K8]

Congratulations, Arbon!

When I first came out, I came out as transgendered.  I would explain that I'd worn women's clothes on-and-off since I was a child.  For the few people who still didn't understand what I meant, I told them that I've always been confused about my gender and that I've never thought of myself as a man.  I left it pretty much at that, not willing to predict how far down this road I would go.

Some poeple need a little time to think about it.  You've been thinking about it for a long time, but it is probably new to many others.  Be patient.

After living full-time as Kate for six months, one of my good male friends complained that I had said in the beginning that I wouldn't become a woman.  (That may have been what he heard, but I don't think that is what I said.)  I told him that it just showed how little I knew at the time.

Coming out is one of the more difficult parts of this process of finding the real you.  Congratulations on your early success!

- Kate

[arbon]

Deep feelings and desires to be yourself, if suppressed, can gnaw away at your soul, your mind and sanity.

Mental health and sanity were jettisoned a long time ago! 

The experience also offered some insight into how others see me. I have known this person for 17 or 18 years, and it was interesting to hear his perception of me, which is that I wore "misery" around me, that it's obvious that I am in a lot of distress, and that I have a pretty effective "stay the F*** away from me attitude" towards him and most everyone else. Which is true, that has been my primary objective in life, keeping people from getting to close and seeing who is really in there.


But anyway, thank you for all the comments.

[EveMarie]

Hang in there arbon, seems you're allowing US to get close

after all you came to us, so you must be letting us "see" inside that soul of yours 

hugs, kiddo, Evie

[Cindy]

Hi Arbon,

The only negatives I've had was when I came out when I was 13 to M&D. Repressed the lot for ages.

Recently came out to a guy and his wife whom I have known for 25-30yrs? Very macho guy. Homophobic, but more fearful of homosexual rape I think, in retrospect. Possibly not the the best sentence construction but I'll keep it .

They have totally completely accepted Cindy. Ask me to dinner, BBQs and they do not put up with any innuendo at all. His daughters are in their late 20's one married the other sorta. They and their guys accept me.

You can never tell. I live in Australia which isn't a very religous place. Fundamental crap tends to be treated as fundamental crap no matter which deity is involved.

Sometimes you just have to let people know. Really when you think about it. It isn't your problem. It's theirs.

Hugs
Cindy

[tekla]

Fundamental crap tends to be treated as fundamental crap no matter which deity is involved.

We've got plenty, whole states full in fact, we can send you all you want.

[FairyGirl]

With my friends I played it completely by ear, or rather by intuition. Some I knew I could tell right away, others I waited until I felt it was the right moment to bring it up. Several of them have since told me independently that I seemed more comfortable in my own skin now than they had ever seen me, so I take that as a good sign.

Interestingly, the one person whom I thought would take it best was the one who took it the worst. She is one of my best friends, an out and proud lesbian, and I thought she would understand if anyone would. Her problem with it has been not with the trans issue at all, but with losing her "male" friend she had known for years. She has slowly came around, but it was difficult for her. Sometimes we just have to give our friends time to come to terms with it. It's really quite a bomb to drop on someone, even if they might suspect it anyway.

Australia which isn't a very religous place

haha Cindy something I'm thankful for every day

[Cindy]

haha Cindy something I'm thankful for every day
[/quote]


Hi Hun,
I think you are Sydney, You haven't met the Dear Reverend Fred Nile as yet?

A true believer in Christian Principle.

I think he has a cage reserved in hell with an avenue of bigots to join him.


Love Hun. Hope you are OK and enjoyed Xmas down under and didn't miss the snow

Cindy (42C Ahh)

[FairyGirl]

Haven't had the pleasure but I've heard about him... sheesh
don't miss the snow one bit 10:41 pm Wed. night here on the coast and a balmy 22C Tomorrow night will be a great one for watching fireworks over the harbour


sorry for the sidetrack... we now return to the original topic already in progress

[Dianna]

haha Cindy something I'm thankful for every day



Hi Hun,
I think you are Sydney, You haven't met the Dear Reverend Fred Nile as yet?

A true believer in Christian Principle.

I think he has a cage reserved in hell with an avenue of bigots to join him.


Love Hun. Hope you are OK and enjoyed Xmas down under and didn't miss the snow

Cindy (42C Ahh)

I lived in Sydney  most of my adult life, Fred Nile OMG.......right back to the Watside Chapel Janet lol