We think Barbara is a transexual

[Barbara]

When i was young.I was beautiful .I had sexy legs and a body to match.I loved the way men would look at me.I loved the way they would put their arm around me and hold me.I felt safe and secure when i was with a strong man.I melted in his arms.I knew i really liked feeling pretty ,i remember crying one night,.wondering "what the hell is wrong with me".I loved these guys but i thought i was gay and I could not deal with it at the time 'The social climate at the time for type of thing was non-existent.

[K8]

I've known a few gay men who would describe their feelings as you did.  But there are transsexuals who do, too.  Some of us have to search and question longer than others to find who we really are.  (I began transition at age 65, so I know about taking a long time to find one's true self. )

Have you tried therapy?  It usually helps to have a neutral party to talk to - someone trained to help you discover what you really need amidst all that confusion.

- Kate