self confidence

[GnomeKid]

rant/rambling portion of the post:
I've always known I have low self confidence/self esteem, but I've also always considered myself a pretty happy person despite this.  Recently I've realized this lack of self esteem has been taking a significant a toll on my overall happiness, and I'm starting to think maybe I've just been bottling it all along and moving on pretending to be "happy."  I do tend to have that problem with other issues in my life. 

lately I've been having a lot of "eh whats the point bothering" moments.
Bothering with what I'm not sure exactly.  Its not that I want to stop living, or transitioning.  Its not that I don't want to get out of bed in the morning and face the day, though lately that has been getting to be more of a struggle.  It actually happens more at the end of the day.  Come to think of it at the end of most days I end up looking back on the day as an embarrassment or failure, at best neutral.  I guess the real overwhelming feeling I get is just that I'm pathetic in some way or another.  I often find myself thinking "I should really just stop talking" even though most people around me would already consider me quiet. 

I know I have a couple other elements of "baggage" in my life that contribute to this, but who doesn't.  Mostly just involving me relying too much on others for my confidence.  When they were gone, so was it.  That happened far too long ago [over a year] for it to even matter anymore though.... so why does it still matter? gah! 

Its just so frustrating because I should be so happy right now.  One year ago I had top surgery, and 5 months ago I started T.  I have a court date for my name/gender designation change set.  I feel less angry about my state of existence.  I fear that now that a lot of the frustration of the dysphoria is being dealt with its allowing this sense of  despair to be more prominent in my mind.  Has anyone else experienced that at all? 

I guess the main purpose of this post is:
where do you get your self confidence from? 
What are some ways you got/get over thinking you're less of a man at the end of the day?
How do you reclaim your confidence when someone has [unintentionally and through no logical fault of their own] stripped you of it? [edit: for me specifically an awful breakup with my exgf/best friend(still but that just makes it hurt that shes found others and I'm stuck trans and feeling like no one will want to be with me because of it) but any other input is also welcome that may be useful to anyone else having trans confidence issues  ]
and any other thoughts you have on the generic subject of improving one's self esteem

[Silver]

I guess the main purpose of this post is:
where do you get your self confidence from? 
What are some ways you got/get over thinking you're less of a man at the end of the day?
How do you reclaim your confidence when someone has [unintentionally and through no logical fault of their own] stripped you of it?
and any other thoughts you have on the generic subject of improving one's self esteem

Don't know, I'm not too self confident. Maybe in the fact that I finally know who I am and I can medically transition (at some point.) The fact that it's a possibility makes this a lot more bearable.
Realize I'm being ridiculous and let it restore itself eventually. Do things, become absorbed in other matters/accomplishments. It doesn't seem so bad then.
I don't know, I've never really had too much self-esteem. Just try to improve yourself, you'll feel better all around when you've accomplished something worthwhile.

I'm probably not much help with my lack of life experience.

[Alessandro]

where do you get your self confidence from? 
What are some ways you got/get over thinking you're less of a man at the end of the day?
How do you reclaim your confidence when someone has [unintentionally and through no logical fault of their own] stripped you of it?
and any other thoughts you have on the generic subject of improving one's self esteem

Actually, me answering your questions is fundamentally useless.  I have all the self esteem of Marvin from Hitch-hiker's guide.  Usually any self-esteem I get is from writing and getting good comments and criticism or from work.  A lot of the time I try and escape thinking about being myself, by like cosplay or writing, gaming, anything to take me away from being me.  Personally I feel this is great, but its pretty poor advice to anyone who really is actively trying to feel good as themselves.  If someone knocks me down, I tend to just get upset about it but then wallow in my imagination, find a sense of detachment and come back to thinking about myself when I feel better about it.  I really need to improve my self-esteem too.  When I was a kid I really thought I was an ugly girl.  Now I feel I'm actually a fairly pretty girl but I don't want to be one.  So whenever anyone compliments me on my appearance it feels like a rather circumvent put-down.  I'm going to pay a lot of attention to this thread, anyone's advice would be great. 

[Basiliximab]

I'm sorry about your troubles; I'm not sure what to say (always been bad at that), but I'll answer your questions.

Where do you get your self confidence from? 
From my inspiration, from writing; from how I've accomplished something I've always dreamed of doing three times already: writing a book I love. I also love my personality, I love my imagination; I love to be in new situations, meet new people.

What are some ways you got/get over thinking you're less of a man at the end of the day?
I'm not the product of my body: I know who I am. Somehow, a tragic mistake has been made and this is how I've ended up. Tragic, yes, but that doesn't define me. I know who I am, and I suppose that is how I get through it.

How do you reclaim your confidence when someone has [unintentionally and through no logical fault of their own] stripped you of it?
It sucks and feels like an insult, but it rolls off my skin like water. At this point in my transition, I know that no one can possibly see me for who I am. This may become more difficult to get over once, when I've started  T and people *still* get it wrong (or there are other issues that arise), but I suppose I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. [I'm not sure if that's what you mean by stripping of my confidence, but when it (the whole "wrong pronoun" thing) does happen, it jars me a bit, so that's what I took it to mean].

And any other thoughts you have on the generic subject of improving one's self esteem
To be honest, I really don't know. I've never been good at giving advice to people. All I can say is that life is ->-bleeped-<-ing tough—and it doesn't get any easier. You have to love yourself first before other people can love and respect you. You have to have a passion in life, you have to somehow make it all count. Don't know how to do that, but if you can figure it out, I'm sure you'll have a lot more confidence.

When I was a kid I really thought I was an ugly girl.  Now I feel I'm actually a fairly pretty girl but I don't want to be one.  So whenever anyone compliments me on my appearance it feels like a rather circumvent put-down. 

This sounds *just* like me—ugly as a little girl, somehow grew up to be something many people think is attractive. One of favorite compliments though (my second best—besides my good friend telling me that talking to me was like talking to a guy), was when I was told I'd be a beautiful man—oh, how I wallowed in that one for quite some time.

[Alessandro]

One of favorite compliments though (my second best—besides my good friend telling me that talking to me was like talking to a guy), was when I was told I'd be a beautiful man—oh, how I wallowed in that one for quite some time.

Yeah I can imagine.  If someone said that to me, I'd be pretty set   

[tekla]

Most of the people (men and women) I know have self-confidence (a quite deal, as opposed to bravado) as a result of being able to do things well.  It's the doing, not the being.  It's the ability to do a job well, no matter how big or small it is.  It's being the person that everyone thinks of when they have something tough or hard to accomplish.  And it's getting that thing done without a lot of fanfare or celebration. 

In the long run you will most likely forget how much you got paid for anything, but you'll never forget how well you did at it.

[Carson]

well, most of my self confidence, I used to draw from my girlfriend, she was my biggest supporter and my best friend and really gave me the confidence I needed to get through the time up to starting T. But now that we have broken up and I have started T I find that I can draw my self confidence from myself by just realizing how far I've come and knowing the journey that I have laid out in front of me.