To who and how do i reveal my true self?

[MyKa]

After a long relationship ended with my x(6years) her knowing and not the reason for the break up, i finally seeked the help i needed to start on the path that has haunted me for many years. I have been on a pretty strong cocktail of mones, t-blockers and now progesterone for almost 2 years now and my body is reacting to them quite wonderfully. Since my move to the "big" city i really have no friends and i'm no longer in contact with the mutual friends that i had shared with the x. I'm really scared of the reaction that i would get from the parents and the 1 sibbling that i have. The few friends that i have also work for me and if i do say something i feel that they would abandon me too! So i feel that i'm between and rock and a hard place. I look foward to any idea's or thoughts, thank you!!!!!!

[Janet_Girl]

Wha t does you therapist say?  If the two friends are employees and dependent on you for their income, you might start there.  And they probably already know something is up.

Your parents and sibling should be told, unless you never plan on seeing them again.

Just a few thoughts,
Janet

[Alyssa M.]

Big city means queer folk, and likely some trans resources. That's a start.

I think siblings and especially parents are the hardest to tell, since they have something invested in who they think you are. With new friends it can be a lot easier -- and who cares if they bolt? You don't have that much invested in them either.

If you're the type, you can find a church or other place of worship -- atheist meetup, pool league,  whatever. If you're in any place worth calling a city, you ought to be able to find a few that don't really care that you're trans. Basically, GTFO of the house, do stuff you like, and meet people. I've sure as heck needed friends to help me move along in my transition, and I don't know how anyone could do without.

[lilacwoman]

I cannot believe that people can be on 'a strong dose of hormones and tblockers' and not have those around them not realise something is happening!
Tell everyone and get out of the closet and live the life you think you should be living?
Or maybe you are an indoor transsexual?

[lauren3332]

Your going to have to come out sooner or later.  If you are already on medication it could be a good idea to tell people.


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[MyKa]

Your going to have to come out sooner or later.  If you are already on medication it could be a good idea to tell people.


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I get the "wow you sure look different" from relatives i only see around the major holidays. As for the breast delelopment i'm a 38c and wear man beater's and loose fitting t-shirts, if i'm anything like my sister i have alot more growing to do!!!!!!5'11 and 155 lbs, blonde hair blue eyes.
Post Merge: January 06, 2010, 06:01:07 PM

I cannot believe that people can be on 'a strong dose of hormones and tblockers' and not have those around them not realise something is happening!
Tell everyone and get out of the closet and live the life you think you should be living?
Or maybe you are an indoor transsexual?

I'm sorry, i ment to quote this response!!!!!One of the guys that works for me has me as lada gaga in is phone, what the h#ll!!!!!

[janepf]

the early days are always a rock or a hard place...it is hard work for quite a while..tell people when you are ready..look for any opportunity to do anything or go anywhere no matter what it is ( but be safe and sensible) even if its out of your comfort zone..the universe will bring people in and out of your life all the time..some you will know for minutes others for years..you will meet angels and not know it unless you are looking... people at work usually already know even if they don't quite know what it is..if you are their boss then you have to be careful not to let whats happening interfer with you business and if you are not the boss then you have to be careful not to let whats happening interfer with your bosses business lol... tricky times but you will be fine..at times it won't feel like it but you will be..


and trust me on the sunscreen

[MyKa]

i feel S0 alone right now, haven't even thought about dating again since the x left 2 years ago. I figure what's the use. The few people that i do know try setting me up but i turn them down. I will only date other females as i think males are "dogs" sorry.

[janepf]

going out or doing anything doesn't mean dating..it can be but when you have to rebuild your life it is like going to a new school...there is a whole world out there to keep you busy, help you grow and stop you from withdrawing inwards..it takes a bit of courage and self discipline..even just going to a favorite park for a walk or run or to have a meal is good, ...search the web there may be a t group near you somewhere.. watch for angels you dont meet them often but you will when it matters..

feeling alone is normal..let it do what its supposed to do and let it pass..its normal don't put undue focus on it..everyone of us feel alone we are all alone together lol

[MyKa]

going out or doing anything doesn't mean dating..it can be but when you have to rebuild your life it is like going to a new school...there is a whole world out there to keep you busy, help you grow and stop you from withdrawing inwards..it takes a bit of courage and self discipline..even just going to a favorite park for a walk or run or to have a meal is good, ...search the web there may be a t group near you somewhere.. watch for angels you dont meet them often but you will when it matters..

feeling alone is normal..let it do what its supposed to do and let it pass..its normal don't put undue focus on it..everyone of us feel alone we are all alone together lol

I do keep busy when the weather permiting, i luv walking my dogs and keep up on a regular workout routine which includes going to a local park and doing cucling. I just miss the companship and passion that comes with a partner!

[janepf]

yep and that can be hard and tricky but for now its the way it will be for a while..that is why seizing every opportunity is good...you are starting a new life and you have to re-learn all of the skills that we use to get by with.... it is hard work and scary at times but you just have to do it...if you have ever bungy jumped or done something you really didn't want to do, cos it was scary and stressful, but know it is the right thing then you can do it.. probably the best place to start maybe your work..unless the people are just plain braindead redneck nazi type personalities it will be very interesting to them..they may not react the way you would rather but i can guarentee you it will change the dynamics in the place...it will be very stressful but also a lot of fun if you let it.... it is a scary hard time for you i know but it is also a buzz... you are free to express how you want now and no-one before you ever found it a easy..specially if you have to start from nothing   


whats cucling ?

[MyKa]

I'm sorry, that was cycling(mountain biking). I really do appreciate your words of confidence.

[lilacwoman]

i feel S0 alone right now, haven't even thought about dating again since the x left 2 years ago. I figure what's the use. The few people that i do know try setting me up but i turn them down. I will only date other females as i think males are "dogs" sorry.

Bit of an unhealthy male brain that needs some serious help from psychiatrists I think.
Transitioners generally lose all interest in seeking partners for a while so it strikes me you need to have a think about what you are transitioning for?

[MyKa]

Bit of an unhealthy male brain that needs some serious help from psychiatrists I think.
Transitioners generally lose all interest in seeking partners for a while so it strikes me you need to have a think about what you are transitioning for?

I'm sorry it's not human nature to seek companionship? What do you consider "a while"? Please, i'm all ears!!!!!!!

[Muffin]

A lot of people a few months after starting HRT loose their libido and more or less become asexual.. I'm not sure when it generally returns as I'm in that lull now.
It doesn't bother me in fact it's awesome not having it announce itself anymore. But I am missing just anything sexual.. I need a boyfriend pronto.. I think that would spark some fire in me

[Alyssa M.]

Um ... this thread went a little askew, I think. I'm really not sure what the comment about a "male brain" was. 

Basically, dear, you need to live your life. HRT mess with your libido, but it's not necessarily true that they kill it -- usually that's if you're just on blockers, based on the people I've heard tell about it. But that's not the major deal. You're going through a massive life-changing process, and it's pretty disorienting, and that can really get in the way of dating, especially if it wasn't exactly priority one beforehand. It's no big deal, just standard advice for almost anyone: it helps to get your life together at elast a bit before you start dating other people. Otherwise you risk really crappy codependent relationships, possibly with abusive or manipulative partners.

If you know people who are trying to set you up, you're likely open with them enough to come out to. The fact that they are trying to set you up might just mean that they want you to be happy. If being trans and closeted is what's bringing you down, why not come out to them?

Also -- I'm no big fan of guys in general, but most of the ones I know don't much resemble dogs. Luckily, you're allowed to be a lesbian without being a man-hater.

[Janet_Girl]

I, personally, like guys.    Some may be 'dogs', other just have them (Dogs) are pets.  Most of the guys I know are into sports, cars and girls.

My libido has been shot for decades thanks to GID.  But certain guys can get my motor running.   


Janet

[MyKa]

"Also -- I'm no big fan of guys in general, but most of the ones I know don't much resemble dogs. Luckily, you're allowed to be a lesbian without being a man-hater. "

I don't hate men, i just wouldn't sleep with one. Lol

[rejennyrated]

"Also -- I'm no big fan of guys in general, but most of the ones I know don't much resemble dogs. Luckily, you're allowed to be a lesbian without being a man-hater. "

I don't hate men, i just wouldn't sleep with one. Lol

Trust me on this one... when you are post op men acquire a whole new dimension of attractiveness

At least they certainly did for me.

(but then being Bi I also like women as well.)

[lilacwoman]

MyKa
make it simple for us please?  Are you working and living in female mode or just dreaming about it?
You say you're getting im[pressive breast development and are a lesbian but haven't dated since the ex left and won't accept dates that folk line up for you? But according to that the only romance and sex you know is as a hetero guy.  Which gives the impression that heterosexuality translates straight onto lesbianism which it don't.
Luckily for you a lot of lesbians do get turned on by pre-ops so ther's no reason to be short of a partner.  Put some gladrags on and go sy=trut your stuff in the nearest LGBT bar and see how it feels.
You haven't told the family yet but one day you are hoping to go waltzing into a family gathering with a lesbian on your arm. I'm inclined to think you need to get a backbone and go show them how happy you are to be transitioning.
You're confusing everyone.