Im a young ->-bleeped-<-

[Jhenry]

Hi. Im 19 years old and ever since I was young I always something erotic about imagining myself as a women even though im a man. I have gone through my whole life ignoring it but now im really trying to discover what it means to be a ->-bleeped-<-. I just wanted to know how those of you who crossdress for sexuality feel it affects your life and why you do it. I am mostlly confused about why I do it.

I cant say that I have been a happy person. I have had very few freinds in my life, and IDK if what im suffering from is GID or what. Just wanted to get your opinions on what Transvestism and crossdressing means for you. Thanks.

[Janet_Girl]

Hi Jhenry,

Welcome to our little family. Over 3900 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another member.

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I, like many, began as a crossdresser.  Now if I were to cross-dress it would be a male, which ain't going to happen.  But you need to make you happy first, and others second.  If you feel that you might have GID, find a good gender therapist.

Hugs and Love,
Janet

[chrysalis]

Hi JHenry, most of the time these answers exist on an individual basis and are not set in stone for all of humanity. I think you'll find that a bit of introspection will go a long way towards helping you resolve your conflicts. It's great that you can be so honest with yourself, that's a VERY big step!

[cynthialee]

I ussed to sexualize being crossdressed. I told myself for years that it was just a kink and I didnt actually need to transition. LOL
Then I stoped being kinky with it and I couldnt shake the dysphoria. I couldnt blame a kink for my need to be dressed en femme when the kink was no longer part of my life, now could I?. It became obvious to me after some deep introspection that sexualizing like that was a response to a very deep and abiding need to transition. So thats what I am doing.
I not saying that I think thats what is going on with you. You have however thrown up enough red flags that I sugest you find a therapist and get to work and figure this out.

[Jhenry]

I ussed to sexualize being crossdressed. I told myself for years that it was just a kink and I didnt actually need to transition. LOL
Then I stoped being kinky with it and I couldnt shake the dysphoria. I couldnt blame a kink for my need to be dressed en femme when the kink was no longer part of my life, now could I?. It became obvious to me after some deep introspection that sexualizing like that was a response to a very deep and abiding need to transition. So thats what I am doing.
I not saying that I think thats what is going on with you. You have however thrown up enough red flags that I sugest you find a therapist and get to work and figure this out.

Can you tell me a little more about your life crossdressing, fantasies and how you came to the conclusion that you wanted to transition.

[cynthialee]

I wont go into any particulars but...
I learned about transsexuals at nine and realised then and there I was going to transition, I just had to wait to get out of my parents home. When I was 15 I starteds to sexualize myself as a female. Basicaly the entire ->-bleeped-<- thing. Eventualy in my late 20's I couldn't do the ->-bleeped-<- thing anymore. Made me feel very hollow and unfulfilled. All the time I blamed the kink for my want to transition. So if it was just a kink I wasnt going to do it. Then when I stoped being kinky and the desire to transition was still there I got a little freaked out. Started doing heavy drugs. Crack, Meth, heroin you name it. The drugs kept the dysphoria at bay for a long time. Then the drugs could no longer make the dysphoria go away. So I turned back into a kinkyt freak. I blamed the drugs and kink for the need to transition, all the time trying desperatly to deny I had these feelings before the drugs or the kink.
Well eventually I fell in love with Sevan and cleaned up my act. Still had the need to transition. So after fighting it for 32 years I realized I should transition and mellow out. I am no longer an adict and I am happy with the changes HRT is bringing.
So now I am on HRT and in counsiling to get my letters.

[Jhenry]

I wont go into any particulars but...
I learned about transsexuals at nine and realised then and there I was going to transition, I just had to wait to get out of my parents home. When I was 15 I starteds to sexualize myself as a female. Basicaly the entire ->-bleeped-<- thing. Eventualy in my late 20's I couldn't do the ->-bleeped-<- thing anymore. Made me feel very hollow and unfulfilled. All the time I blamed the kink for my want to transition. So if it was just a kink I wasnt going to do it. Then when I stoped being kinky and the desire to transition was still there I got a little freaked out. Started doing heavy drugs. Crack, Meth, heroin you name it. The drugs kept the dysphoria at bay for a long time. Then the drugs could no longer make the dysphoria go away. So I turned back into a kinkyt freak. I blamed the drugs and kink for the need to transition, all the time trying desperatly to deny I had these feelings before the drugs or the kink.
Well eventually I fell in love with Sevan and cleaned up my act. Still had the need to transition. So after fighting it for 32 years I realized I should transition and mellow out. I am no longer an adict and I am happy with the changes HRT is bringing.
So now I am on HRT and in counsiling to get my letters.

What do you meanyou could do the ->-bleeped-<- thing anymore. I always picture myself as a women when in sex, but I dont think it's something that I could stop doing. Its imprinted in my mind.

[chrysalis]

what does ->-bleeped-<- mean?

[Jhenry]

what does ->-bleeped-<- mean?

What I feel.
Being sexually eroused by the fantasy of yourself as a women.
http:// ->-bleeped-<-c.blogspot.com/2009/09/ ->-bleeped-<--on-napkin-part-2.html

[chrysalis]

oh yeah i never heard it abbreviated before. thanks.

[cynthialee]

What do you meanyou could do the ->-bleeped-<- thing anymore. I always picture myself as a women when in sex, but I dont think it's something that I could stop doing. Its imprinted in my mind.

Because I couldn't stand to pretend anymore. I always got filled with incredible sadness when the reality of my actual genitals would hit me a few seconds after orgasim.
Now I just try and ignore the specifics and just ride the passion.

[barbie]

I sometimes have had strong desire to be a woman ever since I was 4 yrs old. I read some books on transsexualism and sex reassignment surgery, in which the effects were usually exaggerated, in my teens, but I did not clearly recognized that I was also a kind of m2f transsexual person.

I began crossdressing when my two sons grew to go to preschool and I could have some leizure time. I was fantasized and sexaully aroused when I first wore high heels that my wife purchased for me. I was addicted to my own body shape and tried to enhance it.

As I am getting old, libido decreases, but I still sometimes go out in full female mode. My crossdressing certainly is related with sexual arousal, which I think indicates that I am physically healthy. However, I do not think it is 100% sexual one. I usually go out in full dress when meeting with my old friends, just to show that I can look better than most women there. Women at my age sometimes do not like my crossdressing, but most acknowledge that my body shape is adorable. And, women tend to become very friendly to me, which I noticed after I began crossdressing. It was a big change, as I seldom talked with women before I began crossdressing. Some women can share the same hotel room with me without any fear as if I am a woman.

I am very tall as a woman here and look striking, drawing a lot of attention outdoors. I enjoy such attention.

However, I am still a good father and husband. I also sometimes wore skirts or tube tops while I were with my kids, but nowadays I do not. My little daughter sometimes scolds me when I wear lip gross. Yesterday was my wife's birthday.

Barbie~~

[Jhenry]

I sometimes have had strong desire to be a woman ever since I was 4 yrs old. I read some books on transsexualism and sex reassignment surgery, in which the effects were usually exaggerated, in my teens, but I did not clearly recognized that I was also a kind of m2f transsexual person.

I began crossdressing when my two sons grew to go to preschool and I could have some leizure time. I was fantasized and sexaully aroused when I first wore high heels that my wife purchased for me. I was addicted to my own body shape and tried to enhance it.

As I am getting old, libido decreases, but I still sometimes go out in full female mode. My crossdressing certainly is related with sexual arousal, which I think indicates that I am physically healthy. However, I do not think it is 100% sexual one. I usually go out in full dress when meeting with my old friends, just to show that I can look better than most women there. Women at my age sometimes do not like my crossdressing, but most acknowledge that my body shape is adorable. And, women tend to become very friendly to me, which I noticed after I began crossdressing. It was a big change, as I seldom talked with women before I began crossdressing. Some women can share the same hotel room with me without any fear as if I am a woman.

I am very tall as a woman here and look striking, drawing a lot of attention outdoors. I enjoy such attention.

However, I am still a good father and husband. I also sometimes wore skirts or tube tops while I were with my kids, but nowadays I do not. My little daughter sometimes scolds me when I wear lip gross. Yesterday was my wife's birthday.

Barbie~~

Would you say that you're fine identifying as male?
My biggest fear is a life of crossdressing. I dont want to have to live with such a hobby and I hear at time that crossdressing can become an addiction when someone gets addicted to the attention that they get as female. I acknowledge that because of my sex fantasies I am a little less than a man, but wouldnt say that my gender identity at male is at risk. However I understand that an  ->-bleeped-<- can be a virus that grows stronger with time. So I just want to understand what I am living with best. Thanks for the advice everybody.

[barbie]

Would you say that you're fine identifying as male?

Usually I am fine. But it is stressful that some of my friends still call me as male in public even though I wear skirt and heels. Nowadays, they seem to take care of it, but still they can not grasp what I would feel if they call me by male pronoun despite my apparently feminine dresses and makeup.

However, most of my friends are thoughtful, and do not call me loudly in public.

Barbie~~

[cynthialee]

Would you say that you're fine identifying as male?
My biggest fear is a life of crossdressing. I dont want to have to live with such a hobby and I hear at time that crossdressing can become an addiction when someone gets addicted to the attention that they get as female. I acknowledge that because of my sex fantasies I am a little less than a man, but wouldnt say that my gender identity at male is at risk. However I understand that an  ->-bleeped-<- can be a virus that grows stronger with time. So I just want to understand what I am living with best. Thanks for the advice everybody.

Just get that out of your head. There is no standard you must meet to be a man. You are just as valueable as anyother man and your sexlife has no bearing on the measure of your manhood.
Post Merge: January 19, 2010, 08:26:52 AM
[/quote] However I understand that an  ->-bleeped-<- can be a virus that grows stronger with time. So I just want to understand what I am living with best. Thanks for the advice everybody.[/quote]

I am not convinced its a cause instead of a symptom. As a symptom it makes sense, as a cause it leaves to many unanswered questions.

[Jhenry]

cynthiane, I just ment that in my life I have always tried to be manllier than I was, to fit in better with other guys. I need to realise that I am actually quite feminine and stop acting.

I dont really understand what you mean by the cause/effect thing? But yeh nobody really understands ->-bleeped-<- and thats what makes it so frustrating for me. I am considering to eventually get on medication that would reduce my sex drive and see how I feel from there. I just dont like having fantasies about becomming a girl. Something about it was always unsettleing to me.

[Jhenry]

Have any of you who idnetify as ->-bleeped-<-s ever considered chemical castration to get rid of the transvestic fetish. Im starting to think that if my crossdressing is merely a sexual thing that im suffering from perhaps I can try taking an anti androgen that depleastes my sex drive and see how I feel about my gender. Sort of like an experiment that I'd like to do with myself. I dont think I would mind losing my sex drive. Mabye its too early to say, im 19, but if my transvestic fabntasies dont even involve other people sexually perhaps ill be better off without it. If thats even possible. I understand that by taken chemicals like depo provera you lose body hair and bone density and such. But I think i'd preffer the side effect if I have the choice of ridding myself of transvestism. Thoughts?

[cynthialee]

Turn off your nutz and your likely to slowly develop breats as a result...

[Jhenry]

Turn off your nutz and your likely to slowly develop breats as a result...

Its sorta a catch 22 

IDK if I dont want to transition because I dont want to be a girl, or because IDK how to explain it to ym family or what?
It's like there's this other side of me, hiding in my sexuality and if I turn off my sexuality it should go away.

Is it possible to, instead of "turn off your nuts" just make it so mabye they work at low voltage? So that I would only feel my sexual urges once a week? IDK if my sexuality is signs of a gender issue or now and I think this would help me find out.

[Janet_Girl]

That is what anti-androgens do for you.  Turn down or off the nasty "T" factories.  But thank the gods mine are gone, kick to the curbs, outa here.