The best way to inform professors?

[Elijah3291]

last semester I only told one of my professors.  I just told her that I prefer to go by Elijah, and asked her to change it in the roll.  There were no problems and she actually said Elijah was one of her favorite names.  She never called me Maggie, no mess ups. And I waited a few days before I asked her to change it, and I had written Maggie on a test, and she had crossed it out and wrote Elijah, when she handed it back to me

But I never told her I wanted male pronouns.. although she never called me by any pronouns.

but in my art class, I kinda forgot to tell my teacher, and by then it was too late, so I had to deal with the whole semester her calling me Maggie and she in front of the whole class, and it just felt wrong and annoying as hell.

Anyway.. whats the best way to tell teachers.. and do they usually have a problem with you asking them to use male pronouns?  I only plan on coming out to my small classes, because in lecture classes it doesnt matter really.

[FolkFanatic]

I'm going to go up to each professor before the class starts (not in front of a bunch of other students) and tell them outright - "I am transitioning (explain what that is) and would like to go by the name i chose - Justin - since it will at some point be a legal change. I don't wish to use two names OR swap later on, as that may confuse the class when i go on T and start changing physically."

All of my Profs up until now have asked everyone outright - is there a nick name or any other name you want me to use. If i have to i'll insist they use it as a nickname until it's changed legally.

I figure telling them right off would also be less confusing on THEM - i mean, they have to remember 20+ names, and changing one right in the middle of the semester even though the student him/herself has not really changed.... Could be hard on them lol.

If you don't want a face-to-face confrontation OR to approach them, email always works. Then they can approach you (i tend to do better when people approach me than if i have to go up to them.)

[Teknoir]

I did my legal name change half way through my last course (from androgynous to completely different and definite male). Though I was using male pronouns (and male presentation) from the get-go, I did need to correct one slipup due to an annoying student database marker.

Wait until the end of class, then quietly take the teacher aside. They will be just as embarrassed as you are - so try to do it with nobody else around.

I just casually said something like "Hey, yeah, one minor little thing - I actually use male pronouns. Ha ha ha, yeah, I understand the mixup seeing as you have access to the student database and all...".

Try to laugh about it if you can. It eases the tension, and lets them know you're not angry, offended, or going to put in a complaint (which they are terrified of due to anti-discrimination laws). They still might slip up (they are human, after all) but you should see them making an effort after that.

I find it also helps to act as though it's a totally normal and everyday thing to do - like you're asking them the time after you've dropped your watch in the toilet. Slightly awkward, funny, a little embarassing, but nothing to be seriously nervous or ashamed about.

I did the name change just before the holidays, and told everyone I'd be comming back with a new name the week before class ended. I figured it gave them two weeks to "adjust" a little. It worked out very well.

Good luck!

[icontact]

I sent them an email a week before classes began, they all were very supportive and it went off without any slips, weird looks, nothing. Then again I am in a very tolerant place within California so it may differ elsewhere. PM if you'd like me to go digging for the email I sent and show you.

[Brynn]

Holy ->-bleeped-<-. You mind-reader. I was actually just thinking about professors and name/gender stuff. I don't know if I'm quite ready for that yet this semester, though.

[Wolf Man]

I too have had this exact issue on my mind. I'm totally ready to have my chosen name be used in the class. I already pass and use the men's room, though I'm not out to my family. I don't want to get wierd looks if I ever use the restroom with a classmate.

I was thinking to just talk to the professors right before class started or what Sameth said about emailing them a week before classes start.

[Cindy]

As a University Prof, the easiest way to let us know, is to tell us . Ok very easy in my case. But the same with all that I know. It can be a problem in very large classes etc just because I forget names rather easily. Any mistake is purely that.

I sometimes have a lot of Au's in my classes. It's brief, unisexual and displays my complete lack of memory for names. 

Cindy, or some such name

[Adio]

When I started at the university I'm going to now, I found out what instructors I had and emailed them before orientation started.  Each was sent a separate email with what class and time I had them for, the name that appeared on their roster, and what name I preferred to go by. 

It's possible that I could have simply gotten away with just that and not disclosed my trans status as I passed to the students there (about 40 are in the program), but I knew that I would have special problems with gender issues being a nursing student.  So in the email I also included that I was in the process of transitioning from female-to-male and that male pronouns should be used in reference to me.

So far, half of the teachers are good about it and half aren't.  The class just thinks they're ignorant or aren't looking when they address me (the female to male ratio in nursing is pretty sad).

[Jay]

Thankfully I didn't need to go through this.

But the only way I would do it is by writing a letter addressing all the staff, requesting that you are changing your name and would like to be called by either he or what ever you like.

Hope it all goes well buddy!

Jay

[tekla]

I'm with Cindy here.  One, if you come up to me, man to man (or whatever) and ask me, I'll at least be able to put that name change with a face - which is a key player in this deal.  Second, I tended to dismiss emails for the most part, if it was important, they would have told me, how was I supposed to know this one person out of the tens of thousands of people on the campus?   (And I had classes hundreds and hundreds of people in them, and I know you're special, but I never saw anyone past the first few rows.)

And it was easy for me, as I would never use a students first name until they were in grad school, and one of mine at that.  I felt it overly familiar, and preferred the Mr/Ms LASTNAME manner of addressing students as it was both formal and correct.

[GabrielJames]

I have a question that relates to this, actually. But first a little background:

I'm a graduate student who has just recently made the decision to transition but I am not going to be publicly using my chosen name until next year. I have, however, informed my graduate professors about it because I'm afraid that I'll accidentally put my chosen name on my assignments and they'll be like "who the hell is this?". I'm also taking an undergraduate class with one of my favorite professors (I'm attending the same college that I went as an undergraduate), whom I have known for two years. I haven't been able to figure out a way to tell her and I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do.

Has anyone else had this problem with a professor they know well? How did you manage to finally tell them?

Gabe

[Adio]

I have a question that relates to this, actually. But first a little background:

I'm a graduate student who has just recently made the decision to transition but I am not going to be publicly using my chosen name until next year. I have, however, informed my graduate professors about it because I'm afraid that I'll accidentally put my chosen name on my assignments and they'll be like "who the hell is this?". I'm also taking an undergraduate class with one of my favorite professors (I'm attending the same college that I went as an undergraduate), whom I have known for two years. I haven't been able to figure out a way to tell her and I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do.

Has anyone else had this problem with a professor they know well? How did you manage to finally tell them?

Gabe

Depends on the professor I would think (how well you get along, how open-minded they are, what they already know about the subject).  I came out to my (pre-nursing) psych instructor while I wasn't using my chosen name (nor was I planning on using my chosen name during class).  All I did was wait for her after class and ask to talk privately in her office.  I just explained my situation and what I was going through.  It went fairly well.  She even asked if I wanted her to talk to the class more in depth about trans issues, and I said it wasn't necessary.  Good luck!

[Cindy]

Unlike Tekla I don't have massive classes, I think the largest is about 70 people. I can and do take a personal approach, if the student wishes it. Many if not most don't want to talk to any teachers, I get the impression that about 1/3 don't want to be doing the degree at all. Stupid people, why pay the money to sit and be bored out of your skin. It doesn't phase me, although many seem to want me to feel 'sorry' for them. I don't give a s**t for such failures.

But getting back to your point, talking to the Prof is the way to go. I realise that I may be easier to talk to than some others but the vast majority of people who teach at any level, really like their students. The students may ignore, insult, laugh at, and generally be abusive of their Profs but hey. I really don't give a damn about them. They are failures. The students who are keen, even if not bright, polite, but not crawlers, just good normal, or abnormal kids, I'll help them achieve their potential as best as I can. If they have problems I am happy to help. I have had everything from TS, Gay and frightened, pregnant and frightened, raped (both female and male), involved in drugs (all sorts), ill, parents dieing, loved one dieing. pet dieing. Just plain not coping.
I've given my phone number to some who have needed it. I have been called at every hour of the day and night by kids trying not to commit suicide. I think most people in education of the young have the same outlook. If not why bother? I don't get paid for teaching (Australia has some strange things happening) I do it because I like it. There are few things more satisfying than a student becoming a friend, becoming a colleague, writing their thesis, giving you a copy; giving them the hug that you can only give at that time. Finally watching them walk away, a triumph.

Sorry if this read a bit slushy but I thought I would try and let my feelings about teaching through. Also, BTW, I'm a really hard nosed bitch who is quite willing to rip a person to shreds without blinking. I have put 6" jocks into tears without touching them, their sobs could be heard around the lecture theatre. No one messes with me.

Sorry

Cindy, who is really quite nice

[tekla]

I get the impression that about 1/3 don't want to be doing the degree at all. Stupid people, why pay the money to sit and be bored out of your skin. It doesn't phase me, although many seem to want me to feel 'sorry' for them. I don't give a s**t for such failures.

Always amazed me too, people pay so much for education and then resent you delivering it to them.  And not all my classes were that big, I had a knack (or overlap if you will) for using slide projectors (yeah, this was pre power point) and stuff like that in the American History Survey 101 part 2 class (required, and we know how much people LOVE required classes), so that was pretty well adapted to the huge halls, but the seminars would only be 10-15 at the most, and my 'special' classes never more than 40, so that balanced it out.

But yeah, talk to them in person, how else will they know who you are?  How am I supposed to know that Weaselface77 (or whatever the email addy is) is you?  And as Cindy said, most of the people I knew/know in the university care for the students as much as they care about themselves.  If you don't care, I ain't got the time, if you're really into it, the I have all the time in the world.  My wife ran the campus beer bar (back when it was OK to have beer bars on campus) that doubled as a nightclub where she put on some pretty amazing live shows.  I worked there, and it was pretty well-known that I spent my summers on the road working with bands, and that I was from San Francisco, and I (as well as my wife) became kind of 'go-to' people on the campus (in rural Iowa) for stuff like coming out and things like drug problems.  I'd listen to the drug stuff, and immediately - if not sooner - have them to over to the person in Student Health and Life (known on campus as Student Death) who was trained in how to deal with that.  As for the coming out I just thought that listening and being non-judgmental was enough and it tended to be.  It's not like after growing up in the SF Bay Area and living in SF that someone being gay was some sort of shocking deal.^*

What I'm saying is, that you're professor's already heard this.  Been exposed to it at whatever super huge place they went to grad school in.  As long as you don't have any bodies buried in your back yard, (and it's not some bible college) I'm sure you will find them open and willing to help.  But you have to ask.  It's nothing new to watch people going through them changes.  Gee, hey you in the Phish shirt with the white girl dreads, weren't you all goth last semester?  College is the place for that, and knowing that, I tried to do my best to help them understand that checking things out was just a part of life.  And that thinking about things can be good, but try not to overthink it.  I never got it much in history, but I know people who taught med stuff and psychology talked about something they called 'med school sickness'.  As soon as you talked about a new disease someone in the class was going to think they have it.  When you are reading about abnormal psychology stuff, someone in the class is going to think that it's them.  And, it might be, it's even healthy, paranoia is only bad when it consumes your life, but in the real world a little bit is a good thing, as it turns out there are people who don't like you and who may well be 'out to get you.'  So long as your not hearing voices tell you that.


* - And half of that was trying to convince people that having a couple of 'gay' experiences in college did not mean they were gay forever.  Hell, when I went to undergrad we had a bunch of people we called RUGS (radical until graduation) who were screaming left-wing, commies right up until they took that job at daddy's stock brokerage.  When I taught we had a bunch of girls that were LUGS (lesbians until graduation).  I for one was not shocked when a couple years after college, the young lady who was the most militant lesbian ever, who was head of the Gay-Straight Alliance and all that sent me the nicest wedding invitation...