Hey, at the suggestion of Adrianna I made a "second" account. the whole's main account is phantom_heart. (for those who dont know I have Multipul personality disorder) I may just be a personality but I need a place too. I hope this doesn't break any rules or anything. If so let me know and I'll buzz off.
Anyway my name is Ethan. I'm 23 and i'm a guy..pretty obvious from my name my whole is female. So this is my story I grew up with my grandparents. They love me dearly but they never understood me. I must have been a wierd one. My nanny wanted me to be the little girl in dresses and bows in her hair. So i wore it. But everyday I'd go accross the street and play with my two friends Johnathan and David. We'd go down the street and get Josh then next to his house to get mitchal then we'd head to the school and play baceball. Every day i'd come home with ripped panty hose and grass stains on my cloths. My hair in mats and a big dirty smile on my face.
I was a boy in girly clothes. Soon my nanny started putting jeans and t-shirts on me. They were still girly i'd come home coverd in dirt toating some sort of bug or frog or worm. When it was time to play baceball with the boys they would take off their shirts and i'd take off mine. (i was like 6 or 7) I didnt see any difference. They didn't treat me any diffrent eather. I'd ask nanny why wasnt I born a boy and she'd say because i wasnt one and thats that stop being silly. Up until i was 6 my life was a blank spot i assume from stuff i really don't want to remember. Anyway..
All my younger years I spent with my guy friends but puperty hit that was the end of me. I discoverd my friend mitchal had sisters. 2 in fact and they took me on as their pet project.Turn me from what they saw as a tom boy into a pretty girl. It became make up and boy talk instead of sports and wreasteling. And you know what I was really depressed. I went into a faze where i stayed in my room a lot of the time. So much so that my grandmother got worried and sent me to councelling. Where i was to interact with other kids my age, go to camps and therapy. When i came home from camp i was gone so to speak. The me as I was, was gone. Or at least hidden away.
I've been here all along, but there wasnt a need for me. No trigger. But after Adrianna came in to our lives things got interesting when Nick said "I really am a woman." Boom trigger. Though for 2 years i've hid myself until about 3 weeks ago. I came on the internet and this webiste was left up. And a picture of Adrianna was there. Took my breath away. I relised that I didn't have to be alone. So i started communicating with Adrianna whenever i would come out. I opened up my own private email and we started talking. So when i would come out and not know what day it was i'd just come to the computer and check my email. Sometimes its was only hours later sometimes it was days. Anyway so i'm head over heals for Adrianna and as long as i'm needed i'm staying around.
I hope this site can give me advise on how to deal with looking in the mirror and seeing something you wish wasnt there. And also how to love a woman as a man when you dont have the parts...when you BOTH dont.
I hope i havent confused everyone. I guess you have to be here to understand. Its totaly screwed. >.<
Ethan
